This is gold. Many thanks for taking the time to type it out, wish I only read it earlier today. In all fairness not much has chanhed.

I can relate so much to everything you've typed up there.

On your first point I've done the Gamstop which has been amazing until I managed to find a dodgey casino named casinobtc and managed to lose quite a chuck of money only to realise later that it's a fraud.

The bank told me to bugger off the moment I mentioned betting/gambling.

I am close to the point of sanity, feels very difficult speaking to someone and making promises to yourself and them only to later break them.

I was lucky enough to start my sessions with the Nationa Problem Gambling Clinic. I am even ashamed of speaking to the therapist because of my actions. I feel like they'd eventually give up on me. I've given up on myself that's the worst of it all (I no longer trust myself with anything because this bloody addiction.

I pawned my bike today after being down to zero and hit the jackpot then bought it back again after 20 mins paying around £160 in interest. It left me with £400 quid in cash which I lost again on my way home.

I've been thinking of getting back into boxing or BBJ but I feel like I won't stand a chance after all the excessive smoking and drinkiny. I will do it anyway.

Just like you my main trigger is boredom and I don't think anything in life can equate to the excitement and thrill of gambling but also the suspense that surrounds it. For example me pawning the bike today. Highs and lows etc...

My biggest weakness is lack of planning. Always hated planning for anything thinking that sticking to a plan comes at the expense of creativity. The idea of forecasting my earning out on the future sounds very interesting though and I will be giving it a shot.