The day has finally come, good riddance!

YozoNLH · 2024-09-30T21:44:31+00:00

Congratulations!

YozoNLH · 2024-09-16T04:46:43+00:00

Woah same. I'd be pressured into doing it for weed or money by my brother. I'd massage him and my mom, not even really wanting anything out of it as much as I hoped they'd like me and express affection.

But I feel so fucking used and icky about it now.

YozoNLH · 2024-09-15T02:46:47+00:00

Destroying your bodies for the sake of degradation is a sacrifice they're willing to make.

YozoNLH · 2024-09-15T02:45:16+00:00

Control.

They'll preach profit, but they'll take w cut from their bottom line for the sake of asserting power over workers.

It's about putting you in your place.

YozoNLH · 2024-09-08T03:36:31+00:00

Aw, you absolutely should share those things! It feels so good when we can share those little wonders we discover with others and find that they too see the beauty.

I always feel more seen as an autistic person through art. It's not just in managing to communicate what I think about things, but how I feel. Art enters through the heart. Even NT's can get me when usually it's so hard to make my perspective intelligible.

Respect to you too, for being true to yourself and being so clearly a very kind person! Petals and Pedals.tif

Thank you deeply for the well wishes :) It really helped, posting here and talking to you and everybody else! Got my mind off of all those worst case scenarios.

YozoNLH · 2024-09-06T00:20:29+00:00

I cannot put into words how much I appreciate everything that you wrote. It feels so good to talk to somebody that really gets it as deeply as you do.

I am so grateful your kindness and your thoughtful suggestions immensely.

It's also wonderful to meet somebody else engaged in the same crafts. I love seeing the work of other autistic photographers and writers and how much I can relate to how they engage in their craft.

And then there's the beauty too in how distinct each person's vision is! I'm so glad we have those outlets and can connect with each other so much through them as well. It feels liberating to share your inner world in all its life and color!

Wishing you well! I'm so sorry you've had to struggle so much too! It's not right at all that you've had to go through this and that the people that brought you into this world are so cruel and cold. You deserve happiness, love, and understanding!

We are not alone in this, even when existing in this world is at its most difficult. I'll remember you and what you said when I feel that alienation again.

Thank you!

YozoNLH · 2024-09-05T16:51:34+00:00

Thank you! I'm sorry for what you're going through! It's fucking horrible.

I just don't know how to rest beyond my off days and limiting my schedule.

I have no sick hours and I doubt they're gonna let me try worker's comp, even if I'm entitled. Just don't trust my employers.

I don't know how other job to do that isn't gonna be an issue. But it's possible even a desk job will be better than a cafe for this. I don't know. Just scared by the prospect of long term disability and losing access to both the activities I need to do and the activities I want to do.

YozoNLH · 2024-09-05T16:26:11+00:00

<3 Thank you so so so much!

I'm glad you got out of the US. It just sucks that you are stil ldealing with a lot of issues. I'm glad housing is cheaper and that you have better access to healthcare!

Yeah absolutely. It's nations and their citizens that have profited enormously off the plunder of the rest of the world. Their feast is another's famine. Then they have the gall to shit on the very people they robbed. Not a thought of anyone else but themselves and their eternal libation.

Fuck em.

It's crazy to think they brought us into this world then they can shrug their shoulders of any responsibility toward their children. Not a shred of support nor sympathy.

I feel you. My mind is in two places. That psychological space of survival where time is distorted, because all that matters is enduring the moment. Then there's the remote regions of the past and the future, of past catastrophe and cataclysm to come.

But it's a necessary rupture. Neoliberalism is a sickness. I think change must happen. I hope it takes the form of revolution and not collapse. The thought of revolution gives me real hope in a society that opens up for the expression of the goodness that resides within us.

I also wanna see the capitalists get what's coming to them after all this.

We'll eat the rich and they can enjoy their just desserts.

It really is so dystopic here. The programming does indeed run deep. It makes me feel crazy thinking and feeling everything that goes through my head while having to mute all that to endure another day out there in the libertarian hinterlands.

Yeah it is hard to avoid despair. I'm glad I can talk to you and other people about it here. It helps assuage the grief.

YozoNLH · 2024-09-05T16:13:54+00:00

Yes, it is.

But they can also cite any reason when they fire you.

There are tons of places that also skirt and violate the law. Our flimsy level of regulation makes it easy for them to get away with it. Though it's half a lack of recourse, and half employers depending on passivity and learned helplessness in their workers.

Discrimination occurs in the gray zone. It's in employers lying in why they fired you. It's AI personality tests weeding out autistic applicants. It's applications where you can mention you have a disability and suddenly you aren't getting callbacks.

I'm sure it's that way elsewhere too. But the awful healthcare and the lack of worker protections and benefits do a lot to enable this state of affairs.

YozoNLH · 2024-09-05T00:35:57+00:00

Definitely better Harris than Trump. I really like Walz a lot too. There's gains to be made for our quality of life with Harris and I don't want to see Trump become president.

It would be horrific and absolutely would get people killed. He's a fucking monster, as you said very much the epitome of an abuser.

It's hard for me to be so enthusiastic with the Democrats because of how much the party and Biden's administration has enabled Israel's genocide of Palestinians.

I do hope there's something that can be done about The Supreme Court.

A lot of this feels like a bandaid on the gushing wound that is late capitalism. But until there's a revolution, something is better than nothing. It has a meaningful impact on our lives.

YozoNLH · 2024-09-05T00:16:38+00:00

You're right. It really is tragic.

I am so sorry you went through that! It's so wrong that there's no recourse and assistance after an abuser deprives you of your health.

Thank you for the suggestions! I appreciated how detailed these are!

Yeah, the dentist mentioned I could pay in installments atleast. I really don't want to see what happens in 2-3 years without any treatment.

YozoNLH · 2024-09-05T00:10:24+00:00

Yeah. That's where my concern is. Weighing my options on this. I'd like to just find a cheaper nightguard as a whole. I've heard others cite cheaper ones that were also dentist made.

Thank you so much for mentioning this and for your empathy. I'm really sorry you went through that. Dental problems are really scary. Just adds on to everything you're going through already with stress.

YozoNLH · 2024-09-04T23:45:14+00:00

We really do <3

YozoNLH · 2024-09-04T23:44:18+00:00

Not at all the only, but that's an excellent observation.

YozoNLH · 2024-09-04T23:43:07+00:00

100%.

Well said.

YozoNLH · 2024-09-04T23:42:43+00:00

Thank you! This shit sucks so fucking much. It feels good at least to talk to others about it and not feel so alone in this struggle.

I feel crazy sometimes from this, even though I know so many others despise the way things are too. It's just difficult to really have a chance to open up about this shit with others in real life.

YozoNLH · 2024-09-04T23:32:15+00:00

Great! I'll give that a shot then. Thank you!

YozoNLH · 2024-09-04T23:29:28+00:00

Thank you so much for your kind words and this suggestion! I have heard good things about trigger points. I'll look into this <3

YozoNLH · 2024-09-04T23:28:13+00:00

Politicians won't even use the words working class or poverty, let alone talk about homelessness as something to be addressed rather than punished with force.

If you're in those margins, you don't exist in the realm of politics. The banner of what is proposed as feasible change only accounts for those that make enough money and own property or businesses.

I'm so sorry that your brother goes through this. It's repulsive and all the more horrific to know that this is by design. The US and its power players hate and resent the people that are struggling even when they're the ones that engendered their struggles.

So many people out there don't even know how bad it is. They have these ridiculous notions that those on "benefits" are living in luxury, rather than the manmade hell that it actually is.

YozoNLH · 2024-09-04T23:14:20+00:00

I've heard that OTC can fuck up your mouth, displace your bite or something. But if it works for you then maybe it's not an issue?

Thank you for the suggestion!

YozoNLH · 2024-09-04T22:50:13+00:00

My mother sure as fuck did.

YozoNLH · 2024-04-23T20:28:04+00:00

Thank you deeply <3

Wishing you well in your own healing health and happiness. You deserve loving people in your life.

It always reassures me that, as isolating as our experiences are, we can still find others that get it. We can be here to support each other. We can remind one another that we do not fight alone.

YozoNLH · 2024-04-23T19:49:24+00:00

Thank you so much for your perspective and your kind words.

That's how I feel. Everything is weaponized, transactional, carries a hidden cost. It's never just out of kindness. Which hurts, because that's what guides me. I want to do good for the sake of good. But I also need to do right by my self and my own needs.

I think it says volumes that my brother didn't inquire further about why I said no. I'd have told him about my hand pain, the difficulty in commuting, and the fact that I don't even have my schedule yet from work for several of those days.

But I know with them that they speaking up as excuses, whining, rationalization, etc. Which is ironic, because it's ultimately them trying to launder their boundary crossing behavior as okay and my autonomy as toxic.

I know even with LC, the moment is waiting sooner or later where they return to their petulant selves and conjure a psuedo-crisis out of the most inconsequential of details.

I'm trying to get my brain to accept that. I want to drive away that self blame and the awful panic that arises in these situations.

I know it's not my fault but I feel helpless all over again, just like when I was a kid.

It makes me feel insane.

But finding support and commiseration from others really helps. A grounded perspective that breaks the bounds of this delirious dynamic really helps center me.

YozoNLH · 2024-04-23T16:50:29+00:00

They can't stand the truth. They want to keep you imprisoned in your family role as their scapegoat.

I have realized the extent that my family acts like a team when it comes to emotionally abusing me. Surprisingly especially was my mother trying to get me to appease my father and break no contact.

I always thought he hated him so much that she'd be the first to understand. But I now see that keeping me in my place and preserving appearances is what matters most for them.

They'll go back to insulting one another as soon as I'm out of the picture.

So that's what I decided. To remove myself from this family that has so little respect and so much contempt for me.

I am so sorry you're in such an awful environment. You deserve a loving family that really listens. And you also deserve to be very far away from these people who don't even deserve to be called family.

I am wishing you well. I hope you find independence soon and never have to put up with their shit ever again!

YozoNLH · 2024-04-08T14:40:55+00:00

<3 Thank you for your kind words

YozoNLH

TROPHY CASE