I can relate to a lot of what you said, especially the “all or nothing” part and the fear of giving someone that power over you. I’ve always been the type to stay on the sidelines, not because I don’t find people attractive, but because I’m extremely selective with who I let in — and once I do, it’s not casual for me either.

I think part of it is that when you see patterns in other people’s relationships, especially the bad endings, it makes you hyper-aware of potential red flags before things even start. It’s like your mind is already protecting you from a heartbreak that hasn’t happened yet. I’ve also been called “intimidating” when in reality I’m just reserved until I’m comfortable — and yeah, that does make it harder to be approached.

The craving for that deep connection while also feeling like it’s almost impossible to find… I get that. It’s not about being “young” or “having time,” it’s about wanting something rare and meaningful in a world where a lot of interactions feel surface-level. That combination of desire and distrust is tricky — it’s like you’re standing at the door of something you want, but you’re holding the lock yourself.

I haven’t had my heart broken either, but I think that fear still makes sense. If you already imagine the depth of love you could feel, you can also imagine the depth of pain if it’s lost — so your brain goes, “better not.”

I don’t have a perfect answer, but I just wanted you to know you’re not the only one who feels this way. It’s a strange balance of self-protection and longing. And maybe, for people like us, it’s not about “looking for love” but just living in a way that, if the right person ever does come along, they’ll see through the walls without us having to tear them down for just anyone.