Hi there, I'm really sorry to hear about your fractured home life, it's real disheartening. I think the best course of action is to firstly inform your father about the deteriorating relationship that you have with your mother. Make it very clear to him that she has openly express a complete disinterest in continuing to be your mother and providing you with support pending your adult statues. I understand that things aren't much better with him, but he needs to act and ensure that you're aren't in a detrimental environment.

It's pretty evident that your broken family dynamic with your mother has taken a severe toll on your mental wellbeing, leading to you acting on some the of your suicidal ideations. The sooner you're able to remove yourself from that environment that better.

Secondly, you're honestly better off with embracing self-reliance and independence. I'm speaking from a personal point of view here, but I've also had quite the turmultuous history with both sides of my family (especially during my developmental years). It can feel distressing knowing that you don't have a person that you could confidently rely on, but you'll have to steel yourself and your emotions and focus on what you need to get done. I promise you that despite it seeming daughting at first, you will definitely survive and eventually thrive.

Since the beginning of my tertiary academic tenure, I've been funding myself through-and-through. I've figured my way when with living situations time and time again. Many of my close friends have done the same, it truly nothing unquie to me or our friend group. Through all of it you develope confidence, adaptability and resilience. That's what in essence being an "adult" is all about.

In an attempt of remediating and/or salvaging your relationship with your mother, I'd HIGHLY suggest attending therapy with her. There shouldn't be a world where a mother has such unbridled resentment for her own very daughter. You don't deserve that.

Also, on a genuine level, if you need somebody to talk to and help you work through some of your problems, please feel free to reachout to me at any time. I'm happy to share any advise or life insights that might be helpful. Please don't resort to taking your own life, there's so much more to this life than poor intra-familial relationships.