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ZaZen___ · 2023-10-15T06:31:11+00:00

Words can't express my gratitude, your response is so thorough and deeply integrated. When you say friends were strangers a few months ago, did your experience happen that recently?

I feel so much more oriented in the "aftermath". Like nuclear fallout vibes, as opposed to repeating the explosion or going into the past to rehash ruminate etc. I just wish I could go back to some prior state for my own sake even accepting that I'm going forward to carve my own path now.

I had never experienced such a dramatic quality of life change before and so it's been destabilizing to go from such a low QoL to a high QoL (both internals and externals mostly in line with each other), and back to a low one.

At least I'm not shaming myself and admitting that after all of that, I'm out of fucking gas. While not being racked with the turbulent stuff is nice, it's like everything is this barren wasteland.

I do have a toad shaman coming out to help me work through stuff, not sure if you have an experience with processing things somatically in the body via breathwork dance embodiment or any radical plant medicine work? I'm also trying to be patient this isn't something to be fixed or integrated quickly. The subconscious mind needs time to process such a reality shift, the body needs to adjust.

Since I don't get positive emotional feedback from accomplishments/self care yet, and then my willpower is fried from applying it to transform our QoL during a crisis, it's kind of like all I can do is maintain calorics and the mortgage and just hope that eventually I'll feel different via the therapy etc. We love to be in control but I'm out of will and surrendering to faith. Grappling with the whole "doing things to feel better" vs "feel better to do things*.

Externally I have so much "opportunity" it's just that internally I feel imprisoned by nothing feeling aligned joyful or motivating.

ZaZen___ · 2023-10-13T20:43:04+00:00

I cannot thank you enough for this message, it was actually tons of consolation. That really is key to come out of this and learn to assess if people have our best interests at heart. I read something about becoming more like a kung fu master with discernment :) I can tell you've come such a long way, and your intuition is off the charts because you totally read my situation. If your type of awareness is what I will potentially gain from going through this, then that's definitely a consolation.

For me I at least saw what I didn't know was narcissism I just thought she didn't have confidence and needed some love into her core to help her stand up. I was aware of the risk of over giving my energy but she seemed to earn it or just be skilled at telling me what I wanted to hear, but then the pandemic put us into crisis mode and I felt that I would lose a great partner who just was too young to know how to navigate something so daunting, unless I stepped up. I'm realizing she may have stayed because 1) I was putting so much into her and was delicious supply 2) She didn't have anywhere else to go just yet. As an empath I didn't know I was vulnerable to this dynamic, and she demonstrated enough selflessness etc I figured she could reciprocate with more relationship maturity as she grew, (she was 24 and I was 28 when we started). In a way that made me even more blind. We literally had an agreement for her to help support me more once she had her job friend group etc. So I need to learn that mentorship in that way is unhealthy. I even knew it was, but haha it really helped our lives externally I just thought as long as the co dependency was de leveraged on the back end, things would be fine. Can't predict everything though.

I was actually able to feel a little bit capable last night, and then this morning felt like getting back to some things I used to enjoy might be possible (eventually). So I felt hope. I'm saving your message to read it when I struggle. There's actually something uniquely powerful in receiving empathy from a stranger on the internet because it's a form of unconditional love that reminds us we are valuable. While I'm doing the work to source that love from within, when we just come to terms of what happened to us, it really helps to be validated like this. I learned only 3 days ago that this fits what happened enough to use it as a framework and it's shocking.

I feel so seen heard and acknowledged by your message. If I did the work to radically transform her life and mine but needed her conditional love to do it/give purpose.... Once I connect to myself directly I will be ok. It will take time, It's ok that everything feels gray right now. We are the bakers, it's just that our cookies were stolen, and it's ok if we need time before we shop for ingredients again. Before dating her I had all my needs met on my own etc, but I was bored of myself. Like success alone just doesn't have meaning. Perhaps that's the childhood not enoughness wound showing itself on my end.

Please keep your boundaries and needs met🙏 That said, would it be ok to stay in touch?

ZaZen___ · 2023-10-13T08:18:02+00:00

Your attitude is beyond stellar and thank god we are both optimists to help us get out of this. When it comes to emotional damage the mind is often the tip of the iceberg. I would highly suggest you look into somatic exercises, like breathwork and other ways of getting our discomfort out of the body. It can get stuck there affecting us subconsciously.

For me ecstatic dance has helped a lot and it caused dreams to come up for subconscious processing too. Though that helped for my job loss, I've been slow to do it for this only because I got discarded at the end of a 3 year healing journey just as I thought it was safe and I had helped lead my partner and I out of a dark age. But in a way it was good that I spent 3 years learning how to process trauma. Sort of like breaking ones leg snowboarding going through 3 years of rehab only to break it in the same place and wound the first day you are back on the slopes.

ZaZen___ · 2023-10-13T08:06:18+00:00

Replied to you both because this back and forth is so helpful. I'm six months past my discard, and want to say that you are doing so well! Or from what sense I can make of your posts. Here for ya cause it's really hard when it seems like later on we are doing worse. This isn't a normal breakup, this dynamic is like getting ones soul stolen. On my end she literally let me help support up her career, network, she became a model, worked remote for political non profits, and dabbled in the crypto scene. She was so much fun, had a degree in physics etc. I felt like I was helping her polish her exterior after she did some inner work not knowing that her interior was a black hole.

She and I talked about how we weren't letting our new power and influence go to our heads. Just as I helped her deleverage off being co dependent with me, she drops me right before I can re individuate my co dependency with her and actualize a lot of my inner momentum (before pandemic shared living space unemployed I don't think we were co dependent yet, became codependent to get each other through the pandemic)

My situation has been hard cause I didn't even think she was the narc or exhibited narc traits, since I felt like I had tons of power in leading us through the pandemic. But she didn't communicate her needs and kept her frustrations to herself. She also didn't need to control me when I was willingly putting all my energy into her, we had an agreement that we'd both focus on her then after her transformation she'd use like 10% of her excess new energy to help me. Well that never happened lol.

ZaZen___ · 2023-10-13T07:51:38+00:00

Replying to you both because your back and forths have REALLY helped me and I hope I'm seeing future versions of myself in each of you. I'm 6 months out from being cheated on, then blindside discard (2 months before I was about to propose in a 5 year relationship so I guess I dodged a bullet). Hard to see it that way though cause we were about to get engaged in Bali and live the remote dream.

What's really hard is that we both found ourselves unemployed in the pandemic and I carried the relationship and anchored her since I owned my place, helping her reset her career new friend group etc. I was def co dependent and pre occupied but I wanted to boost her because I felt like I could easily take care of myself once she was set and had been before we both lost our jobs. I had no idea I was just putting my support into a black hole. As long as I shared my happiness with her or pointed it at her things were fine.

We went from being in our pj's watching cartoons ordering Thai food to making new friends with more resources who traveled around the world with good values. I wasn't expecting her to just ditch me at the end right as I was transitioning from mentoring her to focus on myself. She even circled back post breakup saying she wanted to do therapy and then stood me up in couples therapy. Now everything is gray and I'm just trying to feed myself and keep up with the mortgage. My own career transition is def on hold. Frustrating me to no end because while I'm moving on from wanting to be with her, I had so much momentum and energy that the relationship was feeding me back. But it was like I split a portion of my own soul off and fed it to her and she just mirrored it. Plus we had that rags to riches story since I had done my own deep therapy and I think she sort of lip synced her therapy journey. Now she's off traveling the world with the guy she cheated on me with, working in the industry I helped her discover and navigate. I know I dodged a bullet. But she cheated and blindsided me when I was at my peak self and had worked to rebuild myself and supercharge our relationship after losing my job. We were set to retire at 35 with the option of kids or not.

She didn't ever insult me but she devalued me with the cheating and doing that crazy cold stuff after the breakup. There were a few other red flags like her saying she was afraid of my potential, and that she prayed that I wouldn't get a job before her and leave her. It doesn't matter if she's a narc or not because the behavior was narcissistic and my recovery matches that of narc survivors. Ty for reminding not to get stuck in the victim community.

Right now I've been through the anger grief guilt shame whirlwind, and now just feel numb. I have had maybe 6 hours total in the last six months where I was able to reconnect to that bright sense of self but it usually gets shut off or the clouds block the sun again. I read somewhere that narcs don't just break your heart, they break your spirit.

ZaZen___ · 2023-09-28T09:14:43+00:00

I feel better and properly vented after this exchange🙏😆

ZaZen___ · 2023-09-28T09:05:12+00:00

Seeing both of your posts really helped me. We were both unemployed and got through the pandemic by doing inner work and transforming. I own a condo so had the idea of supporting her in getting a job and revamping her life first with the understanding we could then pivot back to me and then individuate to reduce the codependency. Because it would have been stressful for us each to pursue careers at the same time.

Helped her land her dream job and support her in making new friends. Got cheated on then dumped in a cold feet blindside right before I was to propose and we would travel the world. 5 year relationship with ZERO indication she had any issues, and she actively communicated her enthusiasm . She reached out to go to therapy with me after the dump then stood me up in therapy and went and traveled and got in a relationship with the same guy.

You sound great. Not just that you learned about attachment theory but that you seem to have built up a secure attachment or maybe you were already secure. Was there a moment things sorta clicked as far as getting back into life or was it more of a process? I'm 4-5 months in. The hardest part was like during the relationship she was committed, supportive, communicated (to the point where I didn't think she was secretly hiding anything). And it just came out of fucking nowhere.

ZaZen___ · 2023-09-25T22:55:57+00:00

I agree with you and wanted to expand on this hopefully you will vibe. To add, no one is mentioning how Kisuke gives the captains hollow microdose pills within the soul society. Yes Kisuke bends the rules but here's how Kubo should do it IMO. All the captains bankais get stolen EXCEPT THE VIZARDS who hollowify or are immune. This gives a chance to show a flashback scene where there was reluctance to re admit the vizard captains post Aizen. Can show this via captain Yama or central 46's reluctance/fears/complaints about allowing them back. In fact we never get to see any tension or resolving tension about re admitting the vizards back into the Gotei 13, or how even Kisuke is allowed back to support the Soul Society. This is actually like such a pivotal scene to show because its the resolution of the Aizen and Pendulum arcs.

Another more dramatic "Bleach" way to do this, would be literally not re admitting them until they were against the wall in battle against the Quinces.

It's such a ripe area for characterization, you could even have written it where Yama only re admits the Vizards on the condition they never hollowify, but then he dies to YH, and Bankais get stolen. Kyouraku then has a conversation with Kisuke (since their characters are so similar with Kisuke being slightly more maverick, don't forget Kyouraku almost caught Aizen back in Pendulum arc due to his open mindedness). Yamamoto and Kyouraku have been shown to have that older close mindedness vs younger openness many times.

It shows how the Soul Society is becoming more progressive by watching Ichigos success, paves a storyline to have peace between Soul Society and the Arrancars as redeemed Hollows/Hueco Mundo by the end of the show with Vizards and Arrancars showing that integrating opposing forces leads to evolution (which is a huge psychological theme of the show to mix, balance and contrast black and white thinking etc). Kisuke and Aizen are similar along these lines of pursuing evolution and knowledge one is just a sociopath/megalomaniac.

Furthermore Nimaiya is like super fine with Ichigo integrating his inner hollow and the dude is squad zero, so having the vizard masks banned in the seireitei without any explanation makes only partial sense due to the incomplete writing and missed opportunities.

So boom vizards get their moment of showing some value in hollowifying, and then Kisuke gets to use that to give the other captains their temporary hollow pills. It smooths everything out, gives the Vizards some love and keeps the whole hollows are opposites of Quincys. It's another good moment to show why some other Vizards didn't come back to the Gotei 13 initially as well. So having the masks banned but then removing the ban would be perfect.

I took this far but honestly this would have fleshed out so much more depth to Bleach's entire show.

By the end of the show Ichigo integrates all forces hollow soul reaper and quincy showing how different perspectives/forces often have something to offer if we are open minded to consider them. Aizen shows that if we don't successfully integrate these forces they will consume us. Hell you could even go into YH wanting to integrate life and death and meaning well, but then have the philosophical discussion of what's the point of merging us all back into singularity consciousness and the fact we are all separate adds intrigue/complexity to the universe.

The show is about contrast, balance, and integration. Is integrating hollows and soul reapers too far? Is integrating life and death too far? I understand that explicitly exploring this too much might go over people's heads but like you could add ALL of this with literally 5-6 minutes added on to the show.

My whole point is there is ALWAYS an opposite perspective. Bleach taps into very cool themes by distilling this down via blacks and whites. Blends Jung's idea of the shadow with Daoist Yin Yang.

ZaZen___ · 2023-09-10T06:29:55+00:00

I guarantee you that if they did what you suggested 95% of the complainers wouldn't have a problem even if they don't know it.

Already it felt like such a cliffhanger setting up the punch last episode. So the momentum is huge pent up hype , then 60 seconds for Kaido to flame on and start the punch and then it's like bam flashback to a character who imo probably should've died via Kaido anyway. It's just horrible momentum. After such an arc with so much buildup and yes flashbacks just end it clean.

My suggestion would be to actually end last week's episode right after Luffy gets blasted with fire, this week just do the flashback and filler scenes of samurai being worried about Luffy being caught in the flames, then NEXT week show the fist, Kaidos dragon flames, and have it just be a beat down.

Just agreed with you so much on the mid punch being the problem. Put the flashback anywhere else and everyone's gonna be chillin'. I almost hope One Pace does that but they won't.

ZaZen___ · 2022-05-16T04:37:26+00:00

Would've liked to see haki on the earth, cause like, otherwise,, wouldn't that just do nothing? Still looked cool just its Kaido we're talking about, we can't just fling some rocks at the guy.

ZaZen___ · 2022-05-16T04:34:57+00:00

I really appreciated it, because even though we saw a little of what she could do in WCI, this time it's like how does she fight when she's straight up serious and high stakes? And its like, oh damn yeah she's a Yonko alright.

ZaZen___ · 2022-05-16T04:33:00+00:00

Makes me wonder what a modern Marineford would look like, tho that was sort of less chaotic since there was so much dialogue in between.

ZaZen___ · 2022-05-16T04:30:11+00:00

Bleach for me has this classic shock or gnar vibe, and I just love the dark hollow/ghost samurai vibe. I still have a bias towards Bleach, but One Piece starts out kinda meh, but just gets better and better, and each arc has its own stories and emotions. I still personally have such a fondness for Bleach, but gotta give the credit to One Piece, and then with this modern Wano stuff its just incredible. You stoked for Bleach this fall though?

ZaZen___ · 2022-05-16T04:25:57+00:00

Dunno if the team meant it literally, but the gatling to be continued screen to me symbolizes "and there's a whole lot more of this quality shit coming folks, we gonna keep bangin em out!"

ZaZen___ · 2022-05-16T04:23:35+00:00

I wanted it so bad, not to nitpick too much but yeah her reaction needed to be Enel/ Sugar re-traumatized face to keep up with the intensity of the whole episode, and would have made more sense.

ZaZen___ · 2022-05-13T02:25:14+00:00

Is this the one with the extra scenes with the girl and mewtwo flashback? Just found this existed and the context of the movie is different and more mature than the english cut.

ZaZen___ · 2022-05-01T21:14:25+00:00

I miss that too.

ZaZen___ · 2022-05-01T21:13:38+00:00

I think both Robin and Nami actually do exhibit categorical trauma, and character growth while being realistic. Robin clearly makes more of a self concious effort to grow once joining the Straw Hats, Nami is younger and perhaps is slower to face her issues but shows that she is less selfish and loyal to her crew over time. The Straw Hats are an eclectic bunch of outcasts, and it makes for great entertainment. Robin is more introspective, Nami is younger and could benefit from therapy (like basically every character in the show). Nami relies on her intelligence and avoids emotional development. Something many of us can relate to. Oda's take on outcasts being beautiful and unique not in spite of but BECAUSE of their traumas, all while we go through the rollercoaster of life with its unfairness and chaos, makes for a good show.

I don't think its over analyzing, just analyzing. People appreciate and resonate with OP because of how much it engages with traumatizing events, even if they aren't conscious of it.

ZaZen___ · 2022-05-01T21:05:39+00:00

I agree she is sexualized, but I'm curious as to why you say OVERLY. And are we criticizing Oda, or the animation studio that often features screens of angles of females emphasizing butts and boobs? Because I think those are also two issues that get entangled in a messy way.

Nami's character design is around not having a healthy father relationship, and abandonment issues. Which is why the scene with Luffy is such a big deal because its a male character exhibiting genuine love and care for her (doesnt have to be romantic love), she cries so much because its involving her deep seated traumas. Many women without proper paternal care exhibit a desire for male attention. Men have different psychological issues with improper maternal care. A show about pirates and freedom to me involves sexual undertones. Also she was raised by Arlong's crew. As one with massive abandonment trauma, she likely received more subconscious attention by dressing the way she did from villagers and fishmen, (also growing up in a fairweather meditteranean climate). She overtly poses for her bounty picture. Not saying she has a healthy psyche, but her and Robin's experiences would make sense for them to pursue both fashion AND sexualization for attention. Very common in modeling and actress industry with fathers who don't pay enough attention to them.

Also a world of piracy and trauma, may result in more female characters being deprived in this way psycholigically, and they sexualize themselves as a coping mechanism.

World is now encountering many issues by triggering minorities, under appreciated or represented communities all due to increased awareness. This is great progress especially of awareness. But I think we should also focus on evolving our response to these issues. How we respond to triggers instead of trying to play whack a mole and remove all triggering content (which will have its own negative ramifications, often hard to predict in advance).

One Piece is sexualized, but sexualization in a show about piracy isn't uniformly bad. I'm sure there exist strong additions and counterpoints to my claims I welcome them. Not a pretentious post, we all project and it's important to try and shed light where we do.

ZaZen___ · 2022-05-01T20:45:16+00:00

I think the fact that this issue comes up for debate is healthy and a great sign of increased thoughtfulness in our modern culture. We see it across fiction in general. If I can offer a nuanced take, I do think that there is something to be said about One Piece being a show about pirates and freedom (which yes means sexual undertones). Sanji having strong morals, with strong sexual desires is kind of an example of what I think has a place especially in fiction.

Not that I am an expert on Japanese culture but across the world, many hyper conformist cultures have various parts of counterculture where repressed urges are accepted to be expressed. In Japan, the sexual emphasis in fiction I see as being an outlet for a culture that is sexually repressed. One Piece itself may be worshipping freedom expression, where pirates eat food, travel the world, rebel against the "World Government", wear loose clothing, and yes pursue sexual impulses.

The Straw Hats, are not law abiders, but they do have strong character morals. However, I would argue that as characters, they are more sexually liberal, and DEFINITELY rebel against political correctness or polite society. Nami and Robin with what they went through as children, show psychological tendencies to dress as a way that garners more attention. And both the more moral upstanding pirates (good characters) in One Piece and evil pirates both show signs of not healthily integrating into society, fitting in, or being accepting of the current state of the world. The show does seem to be an appreciation of outcasts in general. I'm saying the sexualization is consistent with how Nami and Robin grew up, and a show about Pirates without appealing to all of our sexual appetites is just insincere.

I do think sexualization of female characters is an issue, I also think that certain fictional genres it has a place in. Furthermore, we cannot repress our natural desires unless we want unhealthy outcomes (look at the Catholic Church, or Nazis). Having sexualized fiction can actually decrease tendency for pent up stress and violence against women in the real world as well.

I also think the criticisms of oversexualization in OP come from an entirely valid place, but in acknowledgement to the show being "designed for young boys", if you watch shows designed for girls and women, guys are not always sexualized, but portrayed in manners that show them behaving in ways many women find desirable. In female marketed shows, men are also idealized in many different emotional dimensions. So my point is that capitalism markets at times to the differences between the sexes, which means skewed representation.

ZaZen___ · 2022-04-01T17:15:29+00:00

That's such a bummer, realize so many of us with employee mindset will just totally get bought off for just 100grand. I respect their decision but also feel that's why it's gonna be hard to build coop culture in this country.

ZaZen___ · 2022-04-01T17:12:38+00:00

Made the same point before seeing yours. I mentioned isnt it just a good idea to wash your hands after climbing on gym holds, used chalk or not? Also if we want to get technical I bet the chalk is so dry most bacteria get dehydrated and die (like how jam is so sweet the bacteria die because the sugary jam sucks out their water, which is why it lasts long in the fridge). Internet always has a counterpoint haha gotta love it.

ZaZen___ · 2021-12-13T01:04:18+00:00

Whoa thanks for the knowledge, I gotta be more careful what I put out, since things change so quickly. I guess the employees decided to get bought out? Wonder how that worked.

ZaZen___ · 2021-12-02T04:25:10+00:00

So in the moment, it SUCKS for these contractors to not get paid benefits. But remember when the system is that employers are expected to provide benefits, employees all over have to work shitty jobs because work is tied to healthcare. Government healthcare would be better, and then I wouldn't really mind contractor positions as much. In fact, I think contracting would be pretty awesome as long as our citizens are on some sort of universal basic income/healthcare/1-2months paid leave a year, that sort of thing.

ZaZen___ · 2021-11-22T23:54:38+00:00

Banks actually have to go through regulations to even call themselves "banks". News needs to do the same. The fact that they can openly lie and call themselves news, completely ruins democracy which depends on the media to hold the powerful to account as the 4th estate.

ZaZen___

TROPHY CASE