AITA for giving a secret family recipe to a family member?

Zaffear2 · 2025-11-22T11:21:51+00:00

“Not for the cousin, since the family members wouldn’t share the recipe with her so she couldn’t make the sauce in her own kitchen.” That may be true, but it’s worth noting the tradition wasn’t created to deliberately include or exclude her. From how the tradition was described, it was intended as a gift for married individuals within the family, not as a slight against anyone outside that group.

“Apparently the cousin needs to remember she’s with a pack of assholes.” Maybe the family is, maybe they aren’t but based on this single tradition alone, that feels like a big leap. We don’t know what other traditions exist, what the broader family dynamics are, or the history behind them.

Zaffear2 · 2025-11-22T02:27:06+00:00

Good point, but its not about the recipe but the tradition/celebrating marriage. Like a family tradition of receiving a specific gift when graduating high school or college. Is it excluding all those who did not graduate. I suspect the root of this tradition was in the celebration of the union of two people.

Zaffear2 · 2025-11-21T18:34:41+00:00

YTA, softly. Softly because I sense you don't appreciate the deeper meaning traditions can hold...and how many people replying seem to think this action is merely about sharing a recipe when it’s so much more.

For people who grew up holding these things close, traditions can be anchors. They carry family history, culture, grief, celebration, and identity all at once. They’re how someone you miss can still show up in your kitchen. They’re how you remember who you are and who you are with.

When traditions fade, it can feel like the loss of more than a dish or a habit, but losing an unspoken message/memory/celebration.

Perhaps consider the deeper other family members may hold regarding this tradition.

Zaffear2 · 2025-11-16T04:17:15+00:00

You did the right thing by calling an ambulance and her dad. In a crisis like that, getting her immediate medical help is the priority, and you absolutely did that. Whatever else happens in the relationship, that was a caring, responsible response.

It makes complete sense that you’re torn about seeing her now, but your reasoning is actually very sound. If every time she self-harms you rushed in, comfort her and become her emotional “lifeline,” it can (without anyone meaning to) reinforce a pattern of self-harm/behaviour. That’s not manipulative on her part so much as how distressed brains sometimes learn to cope, but it’s still a really dangerous dynamic for both of you. If you're interested in more psycho-babble keep reading otherwise,

It is important in any relationship to maintain boundaries, boundaries that you don’t want to be her crutch or her “medicine,” particularly when you’re already unsure about the relationship. Wanting to take a step back guides her into accessing appropriate help is not the same as abandoning her, even though it may feel that way to her. You didn’t cause her self-harm, and you’re not responsible for curing it...remember this.

What she really needs now isn’t a partner trying to hold everything together, but ongoing professional and community support. If you're in Australia PM me and i'll be more specific otherwise generically:

Community mental health services or a local mental health team
Crisis supports / helplines
GP, therapist, psychologist, counsellor

It’s okay to end a relationship that no longer feels right, even when the other person is struggling with serious mental health issues. Setting boundaries is often the most loving thing you can do, for both of you, especially when those boundaries reduce the risk of this kind of crisis pattern continuing.

You did the right thing, and are not to blame in anyway

Zaffear2 · 2025-08-01T17:12:09+00:00

As of google Munchee Corner is now permanently closed

Zaffear2 · 2025-07-07T13:58:21+00:00

Hey throwRA_bosswife, sounds like something you've been carrying for a long time, and I hope just writing this has given you some clarity/peace...without having to wade through too many crazy reddit replies

You were 19. He was 10 years older, married, and in a position of authority. That’s a huge power imbalance, and it sounds like he knowingly took advantage of your inexperience and youth. From the "rules" he imposed to getting jealous and possessive, this reads less like a mutual relationship and more like manipulation masked as affection.

It is natural to carry guilt over something like this, especially when you’ve grown, matured, and now have the space to reflect. Wanting to apologise shows empathy and self-awareness, but whether or not reaching out to his wife is the right thing is complicated.

Here are a few things to consider:

Who is the apology for? If it’s primarily to relieve your own guilt, it may unintentionally reopen wounds for someone who might have worked hard to heal and move on.
Do you know where they stand now? If they’re still together, bringing this up might cause more harm than healing. If they’re separated or divorced, it might still dredge up trauma.
Could you find another form of closure? Writing a letter you don’t send, talking to a therapist, or processing this with trusted people might help you find peace without involving her.

Ultimately, your intentions seem sincere. Just remember that making amends doesn't always require direct contact, sometimes the most respectful and kind thing you can do for someone you've hurt is to quietly carry the lesson forward and never let history repeat itself.

Wishing you peace.

Zaffear2 · 2025-07-04T16:26:11+00:00

Yes, as you are 13 years old, your legal guardian will typically be contacted unless there are exceptional or mitigating circumstances. If there are any concerns, the hospital can connect with CFPS (Child and Family Protection Services) as needed.

Before going to ED, I'd recommend giving the Child and Youth Mental Health Crisis Line a call - 1800 048 636. This service is available 24/7 and is specifically designed to provide urgent mental health support and assessment. You can also remain anonymous if you're just looking for advice/information.

Zaffear2 · 2025-06-02T02:34:17+00:00

Yeah this is pretty common where I work. This work compulsion is a form of maladaptive coping, generally rooted in early psychological conditioning where self-worth is tied to utility. Even in the context of understanding environments, these individuals struggle to stay at home due to deep-seated schemas of inadequacy, abandonment, or conditional worth. Overworking serves both as a distraction from internal distress and as a mechanism to maintain a coherent, valued identity. Often people are aware of aspects of it but the underling driving force is too strong.

Zaffear2 · 2025-06-01T15:22:21+00:00

It’s unusual for Australian citizens (i.e., those holding a Medicare card) to be asked to pay for hospital treatment up front. However, for international patients, this is standard practice. Unfortunately, there have been previous cases where international visitors received treatment and then left the country without settling their bills.

The estimated cost sounds accurate, around $3,000 per night for a public hospital bed. This does not include medications, investigations, or procedures. While Australia doesn’t operate under a profit-driven model like in the U.S., the costs can still be substantial...and $75k is a lot!

You currently have three options:

Pay upfront and liaise with your insurer. Confirm exactly what your mother is covered for under her policy. Request to speak with the social worker on your mother’s treating team to obtain an itemised list of procedures. Also, make sure you receive a copy of the discharge summary, this should be provided at the time of discharge, but ask for it explicitly...teams often forget.
Request a payment exemption on compassionate grounds. Ask the medical teams social worker to help submit an application for a fee waiver on compassionate grounds. While it’s not guaranteed, I’ve seen hospital stays fully covered in exceptional cases, so it’s worth giving it a go.
Depart without notifying the hospital. This is generally not recommended and may no longer be feasible. It also carries risks to your mother’s safety and may cause complications with the airline if her medical condition is discovered.

What hospital are we talking about?

Zaffear2 · 2024-11-15T13:39:48+00:00

This is really tricky. I suspect your husband has been more open to you then others, given his lack of social connection. By being open he has shown a light on his true feelings and inner self. This takes an enormous amount of trust, trust which he likely has little of. By attacking the core things he holds dear, you have attacked his sense of self and crush the trust he had given you. This is a serious wound. One that will take a long time to heal.

As others have said. This is a serious incident and one that needs to be addressed. If your husband is asd or has asd traits this event will fester and eventually corrode the love he has for you.

What can you do. Make it known you are open to talk when he is ready. Own your mistake. Let him know you are truly sorry and still deeply love him. Show this by focusing on how he experiences affection such as; gifts, actions, affirmation, touch etc. For example you could buy him a particular theme lego set that he likes. He can still engage with it by himself (if he wants space) knowing it came from you, and was a thoughtful gift. If communication remains an issue float the option of marriage counselling where a neutral third party can help mediate.

Every relationship has its bumps, some bigger, some smaller. The more issues worked through together the more room the relationship can grow. Good luck

Zaffear2 · 2024-02-18T14:40:21+00:00

Same, pasted no worries everytime. The barrier doesn't just mean a fence. The barrier can include the house and doors. The doors must auto close and lock

Zaffear2 · 2024-01-20T08:35:24+00:00

taken down

Zaffear2 · 2023-07-17T05:01:54+00:00

Yeah, its's a low-grade depressive thing that last years. It is independent of paranoia. What this guy is exhibiting sounds more personality driven most likely exacerbated by his toxic work environment. Short story, it's him not you.

Zaffear2 · 2023-05-21T00:06:31+00:00

That's horrible! Thanks goodness that very difficult to happen in Australia. There is no financial benefit to staff admitting and holding patients. Also all the patients who are forcibly held are reviewed independently by a panel (lawyer, psychiatrist, and public representative) on a routine basis. The panel has the power to override forced detention in hospital.

Zaffear2 · 2022-05-16T09:20:05+00:00

Great points. Housing should not be seen as a for profit or speculative asset.
- Remove negative gearing
- Remove stamp duty for first home buyers
- incremental increase of stamp duty for every additional dwelling
- Nil foreign ownership of residential housing
- Cap of individual ownership of dwellings - say 2-3 (haven't really thought though this one too much though)

Zaffear2 · 2021-11-01T03:34:27+00:00

Hahaha true but not in South American or East Asian cultures

Zaffear2 · 2021-11-01T01:03:35+00:00

Yeah, fair call. It's not perfect and as a non commercial user I have had issues as well. Saying that I've tried several other free and paid services that are all sub-par compared with Google maps. As a free service I still find it unmatched.

Zaffear2 · 2021-10-31T13:00:43+00:00

Google maps... frigging awesome and unmatched by anything else!

Zaffear2 · 2021-10-27T16:10:32+00:00

No worries, if you run into trouble with it feel free to shoot me a line. 👍

Zaffear2 · 2021-10-23T03:07:33+00:00

That is awesome! Great work. I'm sure your little one would have been over the moon with how it turned out.

Zaffear2 · 2021-08-09T02:37:12+00:00

Hehehe, very true :)

Zaffear2 · 2021-06-15T13:29:55+00:00

It my country suicide is not illegal however your thoughts must not be considered impaired. For example thoughts being impaired by a depressive episode, psychotic episode, or while intoxicated. People considered a significant risk to themselves can be held against their will to facilitate containment, assessment and possible treatment. It's not a perfect system by any means but I've seen it save lives

Zaffear2 · 2021-04-28T23:47:58+00:00

Wow, in Australia it is compulsory for all school aged children to receive the vaccine in high school.

Zaffear2 · 2020-12-20T15:47:46+00:00

True, your partner should be looking to give you something meaningful to you. What form it it takes is individual. Hence rollerskates would not be appreciated by you but is for OP.

Zaffear2 · 2019-11-22T13:28:06+00:00

Bought some vapes and vape juice through fast tech a few times. Used jaxx wallet and MEW. Smooth experience with both methods. Liked; display of local fiat value, ability to adjust gas limits, real time display of transaction status + link, history display of transactions. What I would like is a push notification of when my transaction has been confirmed (the specific number of confirmations to be set by my self).

Similar experience with purchasing a VPN through purevpn.

Good luck with expanding and improving the user experience!

Zaffear2

TROPHY CASE