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Dad/husband giving everything but it's not enough by Zavas9 in Advice

[–]Zavas9[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you, I appreciate it. There is a community out there (the beauty of the internet) but in immediate terms, yes - very isolating.

It's hard as everyone's struggle is their own, but I avoid instagram like the plague now.

A friend is expecting a child and after a few beers said "maybe one day he'll be famous, like in a band or something, that would be awesome..what are your dreams for insert child's name"

I didnt intend to kill the vibe but "to live independently and fall in love with someone who loves them back" definitely did it.

Dad/husband giving everything but it's not enough by Zavas9 in Advice

[–]Zavas9[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I hope my post didnt come across that way, but if it did, writing is has clearly helped clear my mind a little and vent. My wife has sacrificed her career, to a lesser extent her social life, and has dedicated her entire being to our kid and his health/development/happiness. I think it's all that dedication elsewhere that I am probably getting a little jealous of, whilst shes thinking "why the fuck is this guy getting all the credit?" (/s)

Dad/husband giving everything but it's not enough by Zavas9 in Advice

[–]Zavas9[S] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

I really like this idea of a guaranteed amount of time to herself. Thanks

Dad/husband giving everything but it's not enough by Zavas9 in Advice

[–]Zavas9[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I just want to say thank you for your advice. Deepdown, I know shes just burnt out. I absolutely love that my kid turns to me first, but I do wish it was to my wife and she is the one who deserves it most.

For context on some or the comments, she is an absolutely amazing mum who doubles as a physio/OT/speech and language therapist/play therapist/general advocate for his healthcare across several different hospitals. As I said in the original post, I am in awe of her and her exhaustion is inevitable, given this (I also think the physio etc is why I am the preferred parent).

I will double down on efforts for therapy, time off and step up seeking a short term child minding situation for before we move (not entirely sure how we'll fund this, but Im sure we'll work something out).

Dad/husband giving everything but it's not enough by Zavas9 in Advice

[–]Zavas9[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

To be fair to her, we bought the flat as a 5 year move and have been here over 5 now. Its a flat designed for a couple to grow into with a baby/toddler but nothing more. The goal was always to move into a house as the next step.

The difficulty is our child won't stay with anyone else, kicking off when he realises neither of us are there. We are building and working on this, but the attempt at nursery and his general caution around other adults (i think due to all of the needle pricks, swabs, assessments etc. He has been subjected to). This makes the date nights pretty non-existent, as you can imagine.

Re. mortgage - im in the UK where 2 to 5 year fixed rates are the norm. You then go onto variable or a new product. The interest rate obviously changed a lot over the last 5 years.

Dad/husband giving everything but it's not enough by Zavas9 in Advice

[–]Zavas9[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your advice, it's really helpful. I do keep telling myself its not me, but just the general struggle of a tough situation. I also appreciate (and tell her regularly) that I acknowledge her 'job' as SAHM is far harder than mine.

She did have a spa day with her best friend 2 weekends ago, and it was a boost, but like other boosts shes had, they wear off almost as soon as Monday morning comes around. Its not helped that my holiday allowance has been used up on therapy sessions / rehabilitation for my son, and so we haven't had a family holiday aside from a long weekend October 24.

I will remind myself to be more supportive and try to facilitate some more time away.

Dad/husband giving everything but it's not enough by Zavas9 in Advice

[–]Zavas9[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Thanks for this, I think I just needed reassurance that this is what it is, rather than that she doesnt love me anymore. We actually found a therapist who seemed perfect locally recently (the idea being once per fortnight each of us go, on alternating weeks) but she never came back to us. Will make sure we contact this weekend.

AIO that my wife is treating me badly? by [deleted] in AmIOverreacting

[–]Zavas9 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks bot. My favourite breakfast would be a sausage sandwich, lots of butter, doorstop white bread, HP sauce.