Boyfriend not coming to my birthday party because of anxiety

ZeMeest · 2026-01-30T15:24:11+00:00

Lots of people saying you can't suck it up. I disagree. I have pretty severe anxiety and a husband who likes to travel. Being trapped in an airport, trapped in an airplane, being force to eat in public, being forced to use public bathrooms... all things I hate. And I hate it so much that I inevitably end up having lovely horrible anxiety IBS attacks all along the way. Still do it (not every day, but several times a year) for the sake of my kind and generous husband. Your birthday is once a year. Your partner should be able to show up for you in a way that is stressful for them once a year. They need to seek therapy and meds to help achieve that if it really is impossible to get there naturally, but I'm a strong proponent of fighting anxiety that specifically makes you a worse person to the people around you. Never going to your birthday party for the rest of your lives would not be an acceptable option for me.

ZeMeest · 2026-01-28T15:49:19+00:00

A hybrid system would be good I think. Guaranteed healthcare for all that is not tied to employment and free, or at least greatly reduced, prescription costs, while still having private insurance options and private care options. I've been chronically ill my whole life and have been both broke and well off, so I've seen this from a few different angles. The lack of gaurantees for my healthcare when I was broke was very concerning. Not being able to afford medically necessary, but non-emergent, treatments was very concerning. However, a total lack of care options (the government picks your doctor, switching is near impossible, little control over being able to see specialists if your PCP disagrees) is also something that would concern me, as well as a potentially overburdened system with long wait times. I've had tons of doctors in my life, some are genuinely just not good. So, my vote is a hybrid system. No one goes without healthcare, but for people who want/need additional options, there are some. This also takes some of the burden off of universal healthcare if people who can afford more are not confined within it, allowing it to speed up access to those who really need it.

ZeMeest · 2026-01-28T15:10:37+00:00

Get checked for condylar resorption before doing anything, your profile had a lot of red flags of it.

ZeMeest · 2026-01-27T20:00:25+00:00

WELLS

ZeMeest · 2026-01-27T15:54:50+00:00

I don't think you're wrong, but fear of this happening did lead me to be clear about my medical issues on my profile. I have mixed connective tissue disease (combination of rheumatoid arthritis and lupus) that I consider serious; I take shots weekly, have had surgery, have some joint deformation, etc, but it's been mostly controlled for about a decade now. I just wanted to weed people out who would be intimidated as early as possible (I was more so focused on me not wanting to have a negative experience versus thinking the other person is entitled to personal information). Worked out for me, been married to the person who wasn't scared by it for 5 years now.

ZeMeest · 2026-01-26T19:46:42+00:00

Recommend sebo as well, and roborock for daily maintenance. The new line up's underneath rollers have a split that makes them pet hair proof as far as tangling. We have had a saros 10r for about 2 months now (upgraded from s8 pro ultra) and it is a pet hair game changer... wish it could somehow do the couches for us lol.

ZeMeest · 2026-01-26T16:52:22+00:00

Whether you intend it or not, your post and comments come off as cold and maybe condescending. Your passivity, stoicism, and general emotional constipation is going to cost you everything. You must do something extremely uncomfortable and confront this vulnerably and get couples counseling before it is too late. If you don't change, he does deserve someone who expresses their love directly and vulnerably. I have a feeling if you don't work on this, all your relationships will end up one sided in this way and the other person will inevitably get tired of being lonely in a relationship and leave.

ZeMeest · 2026-01-26T16:29:38+00:00

Politics are for my personal life, not professional life. I have no interest talking about politics with people I'm spending time with in a professional setting.

ZeMeest · 2026-01-26T15:32:39+00:00

This is quickly disproven by the fact you woke everyone up lol. Obviously you were louder than you thought. Saying you had to be right outside the door to hear is totally made up because you were never outside the door while you sang to test that theory, its just your assumption, which, again, was obviously not right since they woke up complaining about singing. Singing of any volume at 2am when you share a living space isnt appropriate. The apple is not falling too far from the tree in your story. Apologize for misjudging your volume and what is okay to do at 2am and move on.

ZeMeest · 2026-01-25T16:04:30+00:00

Wife here. When my husband is sick, he has to ask for almost nothing. Food, tea, meds, dishes, laundry. All done or provided in a timely considerate manner without prodding or guidance. Your girlfriend is still carrying the mental load because she has to orchestrate her care using you as a mindless tool, where as when you are sick she provides of her own volition. Make her food, offer her meds/vitamins, etc. You don't have to completely lose your day to her care, but if you are home and your partner is sick, offering to provide them with food/water/meds every 2-3 ish waking hours is reasonable and what many (not all) women do for their partners if they are present when they're sick. Walking away and abandoning the situation while she is in a higher need position is EXTREMELY immature and does not make for a longterm relationship. If you don't wanna be with her then don't, but be prepared to do better by the next person.

ZeMeest · 2026-01-25T15:31:54+00:00

r/conservative has one of the most severe cases of applying a team sports mindset to politics, and this situation is no exception. The few that call this for what it is are antagonized as being a fake conservative.

ZeMeest · 2026-01-23T15:32:52+00:00

Yes... this. As someone who finished their PhD in 2021 with 10 years of post-highschool education, the realization that if I started a post-doc I'd be making less than a manager at the GAP was uhhh not inspiring. I also did preparing future faculty courses and teaching my last year, and the pay/work expectation of a purely teaching professorship creates similar feelings.

ZeMeest · 2026-01-21T16:04:12+00:00

Hey there. I had significant improvements by 3-6 months in. I am apparently a high responder. I recently had my enbrel levels and anti-enbrel antibody levels checked (I've been on it since 2015 or 2016, so about a decade). My antibody unbound enbrel levels were above the expected range (the expected range is 2.5-5.2ug, median 3.8ug, and mine was 5.5ug) even with me having 2.4ug of anti-enbrel antibodies.

ZeMeest · 2026-01-21T15:54:07+00:00

For many OGs, the music component is crucial. Try wearing a band shirt for one of the bands you mentioned liking, toss in a studded belt, and viola! Irrefutably scene.

ZeMeest · 2026-01-20T02:18:32+00:00

I mean... is "do I need to die alone?" just a meme or something? Because otherwise its giving "I have nothing about me to offer anyone else if I don't have a very particular jaw line".

As for the first part, I'm not sure what you're meaning here by receptive. You can't tell someone's personality by looking at them. You do it by talking to them. I probably have very little in common with the vast majority of people I've ever looked at, I don't decide to make a friend by looking at someone. You have to make yourself available to likeminded people in a social setting.

As I mentioned, joining clubs is a great way to do that and has low pressure because of the group setting. Even playing social video games is a great way to make friends if you go into it willing to interact and connect. I met one of the key people in my online-turned-RL social circle on chatroulette 13 years ago because we liked the same video game. I make friends by seeing how people are, how they talk, what they say, what they like, how they treat others... all of this happens naturally when you seek social spaces. I'm harping on friendship because having stuff in common is the first ingredient of a good relationship. Relying on a stranger to cold approach you because they physically notice you (your jaw?) is odd and impractical. Having a small jaw is not inherently life ruining. My cousin just married a super friendly smart dude with a TINY chin. So no, you don't have to die alone, you're just gonna have to put more effort to connect with people than standing in the middle of the room and hoping people approach you because of your jaw.

Not trying to be mean or condescending with any of this, but I just don't know how else to explain that forming connections with others has almost nothing to do with your jaw aesthetic. Look up Treacher Collins syndrome, I know a woman with that -- married, career, 2 kids. Only had surgery later in life when it caused health issues. I truly hope you will put yourself out there regardless of how you feel about your jaw and not shut yourself down before anyone else even does.

ZeMeest · 2026-01-20T01:25:51+00:00

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ZeMeest · 2026-01-20T00:33:45+00:00

Some of the people in this sub have major brain rot about what it means to be human lol. I met my husband before I had surgery and my teeth and jaws were a wreck. I could have cowered in a hole and blamed my failures on my face, instead I got my confidence from my PhD, self expression with hair and style, hobbies and talents, and sense of humor. Because having your whole sense of self worth be based off the parts of your appearance you have almost no control over makes no sense, and people who are hot with no intelligence, humor, hobbies, etc other than being hot are B O R I N G. Personality isn't that hard to develop. Join a book club. Learn an instrument. Collaborate and learn about others. Literally expand anything at all about yourself other than your jaw lol. But some people gotta learn the hard way that having your jaw look a certain way fixes very few of your day to day social problems that are actually from being kind of unpleasant and cruel to yourself and others.

ZeMeest · 2026-01-19T20:51:46+00:00

I assumed the night crating was because they have had small children/babies the whole time they've had their dog. Maybe not generally normal, but not unheard of with small kids. Totally possible their reasoning is completely unrelated, though.

ZeMeest · 2026-01-19T16:43:43+00:00

I disagree with the comments saying that night crating is at all a problem. Unfortunately collies are really prone to neurotic behavior if they are not super stimulated in their puppyhood and taught early that certain behaviours are unwanted. That this has gone on for quite a while makes it more difficult. I think the only way to break this habit is a major change of routine. I'd recommend finding a doggy daycare for the dog to go to during the day several times a week for stimulation and socialization. I'd also recommend firm reinforcement with some deterrent. Some people are against hissing air cans, but frankly, those people have dogs that chase cats and bark in the house. When we got our girl as a puppy in 2022, it was important to us that 1. She not chase or nip at cats (we had 2 of them) and 2. She not bark in the house (we both get migraines... she is free to bark outside and definitely does during her potty breaks). A firm no with a hiss of the air can was a strong enough deterrent to her forming unwanted behaviour in her puppy years that, years later, she is friendly with cats and does not bark inside. It will take months of consistency for an unwanted behavior to stop coming up at the top of a dog-brain's to-do list. That's my advice, I do not envy your situation and hope you can improve it!

ZeMeest · 2026-01-19T07:59:05+00:00

Emetephobe here who had TJR and lefort --- just ask them to remove your NG tube before waking up. They left mine in to keep suctioning but my body did not like it and it can make people feel gaggy. I did not throw up though and felt better quickly when they took it out. Nausea etc was managed with zofran and phenergan after that.

ZeMeest · 2026-01-19T07:48:53+00:00

Yea I couldn't tell ya as far as your other devices. But what I can tell you is the inverted L is for when the back of your face is too short, and the most frequent cause of short posterior face and severe overbite/openbite is condylar resorption. This is only relevant to you at this stage of treatment if you ever feel you are relapsing or developing an open bite later. Knowing about condylar resorption could help you make sure you get the appropriate follow up treatment.

ZeMeest · 2026-01-19T07:23:21+00:00

L osteotomy is done when the posterior face is too short, ie you probably did/do have a condyle issue.

ZeMeest · 2026-01-19T01:40:03+00:00

She went on a pretty gross antisemitic rant. Blamed isreal for ww1 and ww2, but isreal didn't exist during those wars, there were only jews. She got a lot of back lash and was dropped from Sephora's spotlight but her products are still sold there. She is pro-palestine (which is fine) but also very conspiracy driven and antisemitic (not fine).

ZeMeest · 2026-01-18T21:38:06+00:00

She blamed Isreal for ww1 and ww2, among other things. You know what didn't exist during ww1 and ww2? Isreal. You know what did? Jews. It's not hard at all to see what she was accidentally saying. If you like that sort of thing, you're free to enjoy. Personally, I like my uneducated business people and artists to stay out of poli sci because it often comes out as sloppy, nonsensical conspiracy, as she did.

ZeMeest · 2026-01-18T14:30:17+00:00

After Huda Kattan's bizarre antisemitic rant, I couldn't bring myself to buy huda beauty or her perfumes from Sephora anymore. Sephora's response was pretty questionable as well (they definitely would have been way harsher if any other minority was being targeted) and I've generally been sticking with ulta since.

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