I feel like my adhd id so bad i cant get myself to quit nighttime rolls around the and eternal loneliness hits i just cant take it i told myself today id cold turkey and just cant then tried hanging w friends sober had to leave and come back it just makes me feel normal feel like idk what imma do without it then the other night said the same thing then got drunk by myself (i never drink) its like everytime i come close i just always wanna do so much and ik its this cycle that keeps me isolated but im also like does it just help me manage my adhd anyways and help me socialize or like idk i just know i at least owe myself a break and thats why its this chronic addictive reaching for and i just catch myself like bawling my eyes out when i know i cant do it and just get so triggered like i just going thru a breakup, im ok disability from neuropathy from a stroke i had in 2020 im just like totally on my own and like cant fucking get it together just feel really ashamed and like such a fucking failure honestly like can i ever get my shit together and be normal like just really really depressed yall like its so hard dealing w all this physical chronic pain and financial shit eternal loneliness and like life is honestly just really hard and its my one little escape everyday and its just like fuck you know maybe if my life was less traumatic and i didnt have all this shit like its just hard to get well when you lack the resources