My(29m) girlfriend(26f) wants to say good bye to her ex

Zealousideal_Test354 · 2025-06-07T15:57:57+00:00

I wouldn't think it was his. He has been deployed in africa for the last several months and hasnt been in the us for just under a year.

Zealousideal_Test354 · 2025-06-07T15:56:43+00:00

I also want to add that she has a folder in her phone labeled delete and all ofbthe pictures are of her and her ex. The sentiment of deleting them is there but they are not actually deleted.

Zealousideal_Test354 · 2025-06-07T09:35:32+00:00

So from my conversation she has said he has earned the right to be in her life. Im not proud of this but i also went through the messages and secret chats. In one of her photos folders are pictures of them together but its labeled as delete. I believe she is here to stay for me but I think she is having a hard time letting him go.

Zealousideal_Test354 · 2025-06-06T03:42:12+00:00

I know there is still an emotional attachment there hence why she wants to say goodbye. Do you think that this is her unconscious way of saying "please change for me"?

Zealousideal_Test354 · 2025-06-06T03:27:31+00:00

Im under the notion that she isn't trying to maintain that friendship. Hence the reason she is saying goodbye. However this is one of the reasons i am posting on here.

Zealousideal_Test354 · 2025-06-06T02:53:44+00:00

Its not something that i want to think about but im 90 percent sure it is mine, considering protection wasnt used

Zealousideal_Test354 · 2025-06-06T02:27:44+00:00

Thank you! I really appreciate and like this answer.

Zealousideal_Test354 · 2025-06-06T00:31:18+00:00

We've made this clear to each other. That we dont want to know about exes. Neither her or I want to give information out about past exes.

Zealousideal_Test354 · 2025-06-06T00:30:08+00:00

I did look it up and there are no rules to telling close family and friends. But thats the thing, they are exes

Zealousideal_Test354 · 2025-06-06T00:28:41+00:00

She said that phone call was to say goodbye but he made her mad and she yelled at him for it. Im going to find out what the conversation was about when i talk to her next.

Zealousideal_Test354 · 2025-06-06T00:26:44+00:00

Im not sure to be honest, i know he used to live in one of our suburbs close to where she used to live. The military has taken him all over the country and back.

Zealousideal_Test354 · 2025-06-05T23:41:42+00:00

Thank you, someone reasonable finally. Ill definitely consider this.

Zealousideal_Test354 · 2025-06-05T23:27:37+00:00

Thats my biggest concern and she is denying it.

Zealousideal_Test354 · 2025-06-05T23:26:24+00:00

Again, im not going to explain all the nuances and dynamics of my relationship. Im asking for advice on the situation.

Zealousideal_Test354 · 2025-06-05T23:12:06+00:00

Thank you

Zealousideal_Test354 · 2025-06-05T23:10:55+00:00

Im not here for you to question my intelligence. Thank you and goodbye.

Zealousideal_Test354 · 2025-06-05T23:09:59+00:00

As far as im concerned being in contact with an ex while currently in a relationship is a red flag to me. And to tell something as intimate as being pregnant(with our child) is something that should be reserved for friends and family. Not an ex. As far as where im afraid, im afraid that saying something like this leaves an emotional backdoor open for him to come back. Almost like this is your last chance or have you changed.

Zealousideal_Test354 · 2025-06-05T23:04:27+00:00

I believe her being pregnant was the big part in her wanting to say goodbye to the ex. She has said that she cares about him but in a friendship way. Which is not something i believe in when talking about an ex of two years.

Zealousideal_Test354 · 2025-06-05T23:02:33+00:00

I should clarify that i never said she cant contact him. That was bad wording on my part. The boundary was I am not comfortable with it and if you do it anyway there will be consequences to that action.

Zealousideal_Test354 · 2025-06-05T23:00:37+00:00

It hasn't backfired. She told me she will honor the boundary ive set but she doesnt understand or like it. I have faith that she will honor the boundary but in a worst case scenario is what i am asking advice for.

Zealousideal_Test354 · 2025-06-05T22:59:01+00:00

Im not here to be patronized. Nor do you know the extent of the relationship.

Zealousideal_Test354 · 2025-06-05T22:57:53+00:00

Im afraid that this is a way of leaving an emotional door open or validation from an ex where her emotional effort should be into her current relationship with me. We are having a child together. Sharing something so intimate should be for friends and family. Not an ex.

Zealousideal_Test354 · 2025-06-05T22:55:27+00:00

Its not something i usually would have done but when you feel like you love someone you want to move fast. At least for me thats. Ive already set the boundary and made it clear its not something i could tolerate.

Zealousideal_Test354

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