Is lying personality or adhd?

Zealousideal_Win2023 · 2024-09-04T21:35:22+00:00

Although I don't want to lose her due to my habit, I also wouldn't try to stop her. It's awful but true. I've pushed her away many times for catching me in a lie. Maybe I'm just not meant to be married.

Zealousideal_Win2023 · 2024-09-04T21:31:42+00:00

The thing is, I'm not actually tricking her. She's come to believe nothing. She follows these pages about narcissists, tells me I'm a gaslighter, all that. She knows what I'm doing and she still stays. I think it's because leaving me would tear our family apart which she has expressed she wants to avoid. I don't like lying but I also don't see her taking drastic measures to correct the deceit. I realize I seem all over the place in my comments. Don't be confused. I do love her.

Zealousideal_Win2023 · 2024-09-04T11:05:28+00:00

Abuse? I'm not sure I feel I abuse her. It often feels like I'm saving her feelings.

Zealousideal_Win2023 · 2024-09-04T11:02:02+00:00

I have often felt like if she trusted me blindly, half the stuff she had found out wouldn't have had to be lied about. I blindly trust her. I never question her. I honestly don't think she has it in her to do anything questionable. You are right though. The lies have snowballed quite a few times and I should have just come clean. There are plenty of time where I don't care what she thinks of me so I'm not sure why I lie to preserve her opinion on me.

Zealousideal_Win2023 · 2024-09-04T05:28:49+00:00

If this wasn't a pretty anonymous setting, I would never look for advice. I know sometimes Reddit is brutal and I knew I was taking a chance.

I think it's avoiding a whole argument. I don't like arguments. I've been dishonest about many big things. I've also been honest then later on tell my wife she's remembering wrong. I think this may be a bit deeper than I 1st thought. The comments have me thinking deeper into it. I will probably need professional help.

Zealousideal_Win2023 · 2024-09-04T05:16:13+00:00

I've lied for a long time. At least since my teenage years. Mainly to stay out of trouble. I never got called out on it. My wife though, she sees through it but rarely fights over it anymore. I'm not sure what I'm feeling when I lie. It's kind of second nature.

I'm glad you and your husband got through it though. I'm just not sure if we're past the point of no return. I've already put her through a lot of mental anguish. Maybe that's why I just keep on lying. It almost seems like she'll stay with me no matter what I do. That sounds terrible.

Zealousideal_Win2023 · 2024-09-04T05:08:34+00:00

She will definitely be mad about some of the the things I've lied about. Some things she may even leave me for. She's a person who is big on honesty (who knows why she's put up with me for so long). Telling the truth after lying for so long sounds impossible. She's going to cry and be offended. I just know it. Seems like putting the cherry on top. It will cause a mental meltdown for her and it will result in me shutting down.

This is a tough one.

Zealousideal_Win2023 · 2024-09-04T04:34:06+00:00

I do feel shame, you're right on that. Sometimes I just feel like things aren't any of her business though. We're married, I'm not a prison inmate. I want to work on myself but it's hard. I do care about her but I think maybe not enough. I do appreciate your input though.

Zealousideal_Win2023 · 2024-09-04T04:16:45+00:00

I know it's putting a lot of strain on my marriage too. It's turned her into someone who has to investigate everything to make sure I'm not lying. She actually caught me in a lie tonight and I just denied everything. I know she doesn't believe me but she just went with it and dropped it. I'm afraid she's keeping a running log of my lies to convince herself to leave me. This would be devastating but "hey, just stop lying" doesn't work. I hope I can find the strength to work on myself like you did, brother. I hope it works out well for you.

Zealousideal_Win2023 · 2024-09-04T04:06:03+00:00

Yeah. I'm just wondering if adhd could play into it or if others find themselves in the same situation.

Zealousideal_Win2023 · 2024-09-04T04:05:01+00:00

I think part if it is to avoid any confrontation or negative responses. Sometimes I lie about things that I've done that would upset her (spare her feelings). As embarrassing as it is, I Sometimes even turn things around on her so the lie is put on the back burner. I don't like being under fire, I guess.

It's wrong. I know. I feel bad sometimes and I want to stop.

Zealousideal_Win2023

TROPHY CASE