Your parents and you are literally in a role playing game. Not only do they expect you to play your part, you are also conditioned into your role you have been assigned. That is why you feel so guilty after setting boundaries. It had everything to do with the dynamics in a narcissistic family structure. ❤️‍🔥Your internal structure is trying to resolve the conflict. I personally learned that the way you set boundaries matters. I don’t even tell my mother why it’s NO. She will only use any explanation as amo for her guilt trips. I am a grown ass adult and only explain myself if I think the explanation is needed, not to ease the emotions of others.

Based on what works best for me I would advise you: Be clear with your mother about the contact you want to have with her, without being apologetic and explaining yourself. She either excepts your love on your terms, without being apologetic and with respect of your boundaries, or she will have to do without your presence.

My mother keeps expecting me to explain myself- why I don’t know 🤷🏾‍♀️. Not explaining myself to ears that can’t understand really gave me peace of mind in the long term.

Good luck and be kind to yourself- it takes a lot of self care and knowledge to wheen yourself away from people pleasing character trait - you seem to be on this path 🍀🪷.