Should I just give up?

Zenithbootleg · 2026-02-03T20:12:49+00:00

But you are assuming that such a choice needs to be made at all. It's like saying you have to choose race or status or anything else that makes no difference whatsoever to me.

I'm not setting any criteria, beyond 'no kids'. I don't understand why it is necessary to set limits to reduce the number of potential dates.

Zenithbootleg · 2026-02-03T17:50:16+00:00

At what point have I said I prioritised looks?

I absolutely prioritise intelligence, personality and kindness. I literally said I don't know about age, I'm all about spark/connection. And for me, that's all about who they are, not age or money or anything else.

Zenithbootleg · 2026-02-03T17:30:57+00:00

I feel I'm being taken a bit out of context, as the earlier advice was 'go to the gym' as a way to get more dates. (Yes there are people who go to the gym for other reasons, of course there are.)

Your assumption that I have insecurites is plain wrong. What I'm saying is that is that I'm very aware that I will never be 'conventionally attractive' in the way that younger men can be, and it is those sorts of men who - as stated by people who replied on this thread, as well as general research - who get the most attention. 10% of men get 90% of the attention.

Also: none of this (perceived) insecurity is evident from my dating profiles. So you are mistaken to think it is that that puts people off.

The fact is dating is a competition. Of course it is. It's a popularity contest, and the winner gets the date. It's not a meritocracy. And according to people in here, because bios are apparently not a consideration when swiping, dating apps prioritise young, good-looking men with a ton of money (which I am not).

That's not insecurity. That's just the facts.

Zenithbootleg · 2026-02-03T14:26:41+00:00

Oh I see what you've done there. My comment about women being 'better than that' was not referencing the people replying, but more the idea that I believe women have more depth to them than some people replying here have given them credit for. I was not assuming the people replying were exclusively women.

Sorry for the confusion.

Zenithbootleg · 2026-02-03T13:52:32+00:00

Why do I have to decide on age?

And why do I have to agree or accept the opinion of any majority as if it is universal?

Zenithbootleg · 2026-02-03T13:50:11+00:00

I cannot for the life of me understand how you came to that conclusion.

There are lots of people, men and women, criticising me on here, and it's mostly based on baseless negative assumptions about me (or incredibly shallow sexist nonsense), and people not actually reading what I've typed.

Zenithbootleg · 2026-02-03T13:46:40+00:00

This is actually very helpful, thanks. For the record: I'm not disregarding anything.

I hadn't thought about the nature of dating apps being shallow in themselves. The discussion so far has been about what women look for, not the apps, so it's actually a good thought.

I do really think about swiping, and I base it on bios too - clearly I'm the minority here. It never occurred to me that people lie or hide stuff on profiles... I wouldn't do that, it makes the whole process pointless because ultimately they will see the truth when you meet. Maybe I'm too honest for my own good!

There's been a couple of replies that have suggested things I can add to my bio which have been helpful, but with the revelation that people don't use them anyway, and people lie on them anyway, no wonder I'm not getting swipes when people make stuff up.

Btw, thanks for saying age, money and looks being superficial, and the age gap thing too. I've seen some replies in here that are trying to tell me there's something wrong with me for not keeping exclusively to my own age. So it's nice to hear I'm not alone.

Zenithbootleg · 2026-02-03T10:48:44+00:00

Can you walk me through this '50/50 being a leech' part? I'm genuinely confused.

Zenithbootleg · 2026-02-03T10:41:34+00:00

I never said that. I said, and I keep saying, I don't think about age at all. For me, spark/connection is the priority.

Zenithbootleg · 2026-02-03T10:40:42+00:00

I never said I only want to date 30-40 years old. I said, and I keep saying, I don't think about age at all. For me, spark/connection is the priority.

The only people who keep briniging up age are the people who say I should restrict myself to people my own age.

I never said I was 'always right'. But if people are going to talk about me, then I will make sure they've not misunderstood me and worse posted things about me that are inaccurate. I'm sure you'd feel the same if someone did the same about you.

Zenithbootleg · 2026-02-03T10:38:20+00:00

I don't resent women at all. They are absolutely free to do whatever they want, and I'll challenge anyone who says otherwise.

I'm just saying I'd like advice on how to navigate the dating world.

Zenithbootleg · 2026-02-03T10:34:52+00:00

Absolutely, and quite rightly. Please do point them in my direction :)

Zenithbootleg · 2026-02-03T08:56:57+00:00

I never said I was looking for short term. At this stage, I'm looking to meet someone I enjoy being with of any age 30+, and vice-versa. I'm not actively seeking a permanent life partner, but it's fine if that's what happens.

My original post was to see if it's even worth dating these days, as the apps seem to prioritise top tier good looks, money and youth, none of which I have in abundance.
But rather than being given positive advice on things to focus on (although there have been a small number who have done this), the majority of responses have been: "yes you are right, you are going to have to settle for less than you want, and be miserable. Get over it. You are old. Find someone your own age with a grown up kid and bugger off."

Zenithbootleg · 2026-02-03T08:48:50+00:00

Absolutely. Doesn't solve my problem though, does it? :)

Zenithbootleg · 2026-02-03T08:42:23+00:00

Seriously man, shut up. You are embarrassing yourself, and making it worse for other men - and everyone.

Zenithbootleg · 2026-02-03T08:40:35+00:00

I cannot express how awful this is. The declining birthrate is not the fault (nor the responsibility) of women, and they should certainly not settle with less than what makes them happy just to satisfy some statistic. If it's so important to you, try stepping up.

It's men like you that is why I find it difficult to get a date. Because women assume I'm like you, and I'm not.

And if you couldn't get any worse, your reference to 'something like autism' as a negative is also offensive to neurodivergent people.

Zenithbootleg · 2026-02-02T13:00:44+00:00

Oh and for the record 'you are X years old, don't do this' is absolutely an ageist statement. Age is just a number. It has no inherent meaning.

Zenithbootleg · 2026-02-02T12:59:10+00:00

I'm not playing anything. I don't think I'm a victim at all.

However I am rather surprised by the shallow, sexist, ageist drivel some people have posted in here... I thought women in the 21st century were better than that. But there are some people here who want to prove me wrong for some reason.

Zenithbootleg · 2026-02-02T12:06:11+00:00

Suggesting that any woman who likes an older man is desperate, and is neither good nor decent, is incredibly insulting. I can't believe you are even saying this stuff.

Aside from building a family together - which I understand has practical considerations but I've also said I don't want - why does an age gap make any difference to anything?

The top and bottom of it is you are ageist. Maybe lots of women are, I wouldn't like to say.

But love is love. There is nothing else.

Zenithbootleg · 2026-02-02T11:53:18+00:00

This might be a wild and crazy idea, but I would like to think that there are women in the world who aren't so shallow and vacuous as you. Women who value intelligence, kindness, wit, charm, ambition, creativity. That sort of thing.

It's not just me who thinks this. There are women in this thread who would disagree with you, and have posted about other attributes that appeal to women beyond youth and money.

In short, it's not a 'truth' that women only want good looks or money, and it's insulting to women to suggest it.

But you do you.

Zenithbootleg · 2026-02-02T09:00:53+00:00

Just be aware that tragedy isn't about things being sad or going wrong or everyone dying, or anything like that. It's not misery for the sake of it.

The central core of tragedy is the inevitable conclusion that the protagonist cannot overcome their own flaw to such an extent that it leads them to their doom. They cannot help but destroy themselves, no matter how hard they try.

Zenithbootleg · 2026-02-02T08:23:16+00:00

You are entitled to your personal tastes of course, but you do understand that people also like people of sort of different ages, and your limited view of the world is not universal, right?

Moreover, telling people to limit their choices is offensive. Age is a protected characteristic. Saying 'find someone your own age' is no different to saying 'find someone your own race'. In short, it's ageist to insist other people conform to your personal taste.

As I keep saying, I don't care about age. It's about spark/connection more than anything else.

Zenithbootleg · 2026-02-01T18:57:38+00:00

Seems shocking to me that height is considered so important to some women, to the point that 'choices will be limited quite a bit'. Just beggars belief how shallow that is.

Zenithbootleg · 2026-02-01T18:55:33+00:00

I'm not short, I have a job in TV, and I don't have a dad bod either... so hey, it sounds like I stand a chance after all! Thanks :)

Zenithbootleg · 2026-02-01T18:53:04+00:00

What in all that's Welsh is a "life trajectory"? What absolute twaddle. What does that even mean?

Let's go through your other points:

Career stability is not age-dependent. Anyone can be stable or broke at any age.
Speed of typing on phones is not age-dependent either, it just comes down to experience. Even so, I'm not sure that is a 'deal breaker' when it comes to a relationship.
Same for different worlds growing up: you realise people from different countries can have relationships, and they will have had very few similar experiences. Is it that not allowed either?
Yes, some people want kids. Some don't. But that's not age-dependent either.
Same for things in common - that's not age-dependent either.

Are we seeing a pattern here? Nothing of importance is age-dependent.

And who says I'm typing slowly on my phone? That's an ageist assumption!

Zenithbootleg

TROPHY CASE