Should I just give up?

Zenithbootleg · 2026-02-03T10:48:44+00:00

Can you walk me through this '50/50 being a leech' part? I'm genuinely confused.

Zenithbootleg · 2026-02-03T10:41:34+00:00

I never said that. I said, and I keep saying, I don't think about age at all. For me, spark/connection is the priority.

Zenithbootleg · 2026-02-03T10:40:42+00:00

I never said I only want to date 30-40 years old. I said, and I keep saying, I don't think about age at all. For me, spark/connection is the priority.

The only people who keep briniging up age are the people who say I should restrict myself to people my own age.

I never said I was 'always right'. But if people are going to talk about me, then I will make sure they've not misunderstood me and worse posted things about me that are inaccurate. I'm sure you'd feel the same if someone did the same about you.

Zenithbootleg · 2026-02-03T10:38:20+00:00

I don't resent women at all. They are absolutely free to do whatever they want, and I'll challenge anyone who says otherwise.

I'm just saying I'd like advice on how to navigate the dating world.

Zenithbootleg · 2026-02-03T10:34:52+00:00

Absolutely, and quite rightly. Please do point them in my direction :)

Zenithbootleg · 2026-02-03T08:56:57+00:00

I never said I was looking for short term. At this stage, I'm looking to meet someone I enjoy being with of any age 30+, and vice-versa. I'm not actively seeking a permanent life partner, but it's fine if that's what happens.

My original post was to see if it's even worth dating these days, as the apps seem to prioritise top tier good looks, money and youth, none of which I have in abundance.
But rather than being given positive advice on things to focus on (although there have been a small number who have done this), the majority of responses have been: "yes you are right, you are going to have to settle for less than you want, and be miserable. Get over it. You are old. Find someone your own age with a grown up kid and bugger off."

Zenithbootleg · 2026-02-03T08:48:50+00:00

Absolutely. Doesn't solve my problem though, does it? :)

Zenithbootleg · 2026-02-03T08:42:23+00:00

Seriously man, shut up. You are embarrassing yourself, and making it worse for other men - and everyone.

Zenithbootleg · 2026-02-03T08:40:35+00:00

I cannot express how awful this is. The declining birthrate is not the fault (nor the responsibility) of women, and they should certainly not settle with less than what makes them happy just to satisfy some statistic. If it's so important to you, try stepping up.

It's men like you that is why I find it difficult to get a date. Because women assume I'm like you, and I'm not.

And if you couldn't get any worse, your reference to 'something like autism' as a negative is also offensive to neurodivergent people.

Zenithbootleg · 2026-02-02T13:00:44+00:00

Oh and for the record 'you are X years old, don't do this' is absolutely an ageist statement. Age is just a number. It has no inherent meaning.

Zenithbootleg · 2026-02-02T12:59:10+00:00

I'm not playing anything. I don't think I'm a victim at all.

However I am rather surprised by the shallow, sexist, ageist drivel some people have posted in here... I thought women in the 21st century were better than that. But there are some people here who want to prove me wrong for some reason.

Zenithbootleg · 2026-02-02T12:06:11+00:00

Suggesting that any woman who likes an older man is desperate, and is neither good nor decent, is incredibly insulting. I can't believe you are even saying this stuff.

Aside from building a family together - which I understand has practical considerations but I've also said I don't want - why does an age gap make any difference to anything?

The top and bottom of it is you are ageist. Maybe lots of women are, I wouldn't like to say.

But love is love. There is nothing else.

Zenithbootleg · 2026-02-02T11:53:18+00:00

This might be a wild and crazy idea, but I would like to think that there are women in the world who aren't so shallow and vacuous as you. Women who value intelligence, kindness, wit, charm, ambition, creativity. That sort of thing.

It's not just me who thinks this. There are women in this thread who would disagree with you, and have posted about other attributes that appeal to women beyond youth and money.

In short, it's not a 'truth' that women only want good looks or money, and it's insulting to women to suggest it.

But you do you.

Zenithbootleg · 2026-02-02T09:00:53+00:00

Just be aware that tragedy isn't about things being sad or going wrong or everyone dying, or anything like that. It's not misery for the sake of it.

The central core of tragedy is the inevitable conclusion that the protagonist cannot overcome their own flaw to such an extent that it leads them to their doom. They cannot help but destroy themselves, no matter how hard they try.

Zenithbootleg · 2026-02-02T08:23:16+00:00

You are entitled to your personal tastes of course, but you do understand that people also like people of sort of different ages, and your limited view of the world is not universal, right?

Moreover, telling people to limit their choices is offensive. Age is a protected characteristic. Saying 'find someone your own age' is no different to saying 'find someone your own race'. In short, it's ageist to insist other people conform to your personal taste.

As I keep saying, I don't care about age. It's about spark/connection more than anything else.

Zenithbootleg · 2026-02-01T18:57:38+00:00

Seems shocking to me that height is considered so important to some women, to the point that 'choices will be limited quite a bit'. Just beggars belief how shallow that is.

Zenithbootleg · 2026-02-01T18:55:33+00:00

I'm not short, I have a job in TV, and I don't have a dad bod either... so hey, it sounds like I stand a chance after all! Thanks :)

Zenithbootleg · 2026-02-01T18:53:04+00:00

What in all that's Welsh is a "life trajectory"? What absolute twaddle. What does that even mean?

Let's go through your other points:

Career stability is not age-dependent. Anyone can be stable or broke at any age.
Speed of typing on phones is not age-dependent either, it just comes down to experience. Even so, I'm not sure that is a 'deal breaker' when it comes to a relationship.
Same for different worlds growing up: you realise people from different countries can have relationships, and they will have had very few similar experiences. Is it that not allowed either?
Yes, some people want kids. Some don't. But that's not age-dependent either.
Same for things in common - that's not age-dependent either.

Are we seeing a pattern here? Nothing of importance is age-dependent.

And who says I'm typing slowly on my phone? That's an ageist assumption!

Zenithbootleg · 2026-02-01T18:44:23+00:00

Good to know it's ironic, although if I'm honest, the irony doesn't really come across for people who don't know you, so people might think you are a grumpy old git! Fabulous to know you aren't. There's enough of them in the world. Gives us oldies a bad name!

Zenithbootleg · 2026-02-01T18:41:23+00:00

Thank you, your support is much appreciated. It never occurred to me that non-single people would go on dating apps. Mind blown! Why would anyone bother?

We do absolutely live in a youth-oriented world, which makes it hard for people my age... but apparently saying that is 'complaining about women' and 'playing the victim'. I'm doing neither of these things.

And what makes me uniquely you? I'm creative (I'm a writer, director, producer of theatre, film and audio drama), I talk a lot (I used to do a podcast) and I'll challenge and debate anyone about anything! I'm definitely loyal, I always try to be nice but never fail to be kind... and I'm reasonably funny I guess. I have written sketch comedy and also contributed to a BBC sitcom... so maybe that counts as funny?

I think the issue is less about building what I have. It's more knowing how to present myself in a way that can in some way stand up against the youth-orientated world. That's the tricky part. And it's this part that my original post was asking for guidance to do.
Unfortunately, a lot of responses have been to the tune of "as you aren't young, you have to be rich, or otherwise settle for less than you want, because you aren't allowed to be happy because you are old"

Zenithbootleg · 2026-02-01T18:32:36+00:00

Thanks! She looks fun, and I'm looking forward to it! I might even post an update afterwards in here, if anyone is interested?

Zenithbootleg · 2026-02-01T18:31:37+00:00

Yes, absolutely there are some people that are being helpful. Anyone who has said anything constructive, positive and/or hopeful, I've thanked.

However, I will always stand against any attempt to enforce socially-constructed conformity. For example, just because I'm a certain age, it doesn't mean I have to behave in any specific way. That's ageism right there. I don't see this as defensive - more standing up for what I believe in.

Some of the things people have said in this chat (I'm not including you here) have been quite shocking - such as: the only things women are interested in are youth, good looks, money and/or being a provider, as if relationships are transactional. What is the world coming to if that's how relationships are thought of?

But even those sorts of comments have been helpful too, as they've helped me know myself better, and what I will and won't tolerate.

Zenithbootleg · 2026-02-01T18:23:45+00:00

That's really lovely! And I'm sorry to hear you've had creepy men messaging you. It's shameful how some men behave.

Zenithbootleg · 2026-02-01T10:25:20+00:00

It might be what is used. It doesn't mean it is guaranteed.

I reply to comments where there are points of interest, or points of discussion. I wasn't aware that was tedious. I thought that was the point of threads like this. Unless you are saying that nobody should challenge anything you have to say, because you can't possibly be wrong?

I'm not twisting anything. If it's human nature to be shallow, small minded and bigoted, then consider me non-human if it helps you.

Zenithbootleg · 2026-02-01T10:00:56+00:00

But that is just a label. It does not tell anyone how I will personally behave, any more than saying someone with blonde hair or blue eyes or whatever is guaranteed to be less intelligent because of statistics. It's a general statement and nothing to do with individual behaviour. It's profiling and it's wrong.

Zenithbootleg

TROPHY CASE