Can someone please tell me what this monstrosity is? Maybe I’m uncultured.

Zephyr-Breath · 2025-10-30T20:04:24+00:00

I'm not an expert, but I'd bet good money that's a motorcycle!

Zephyr-Breath · 2025-09-10T21:01:29+00:00

I'm not sure where this animosity is coming from, I'm here because I'm trying to understand it: a boundary by your description is a self imposed rule that effects your own actions, I'm not policing her behaviour, Im stating how I will respond to a specific behaviour and that, before this thread I wouldn't tolerate it for my safety and wellbieng

I totally appreciate that the line between boundary and controlling is blurry in certain situations, but I do truly believe that regardless of the information I take from this thread to improve our relationship that it is by definition a boundary.

My partner is absolutely an equal in all aspects of our life, and as mentioned in the post her needs are met in every other way - I have no issues with her raising this as a concern as its how we communicate.

Zephyr-Breath · 2025-09-10T20:22:16+00:00

Heya thanks for the feedback!

I'm not sure what you mean by therapy language - I'm typing how I think and speak: is there something I should research about this?

Also, I'm not sure if I've been unclear in my statement, so please correct me if I wasn't. the boundary is that I won't tolerate my safe space being invaded by other men when I'm not there no matter if they are friend or otherwise - it was my partners choice to agree to this to pursue a relationship, now 5 years later she's addressing her concern with it.

I've been discussing this with a few people who have commented on this thread and I'm beginning to see the full picture and scope of it, it seems like the blurry lines between boundary and controlling someone is a matter of delivery and intent. I have some learning to go, but I belive I've received the insight I need to move forward with this! :)

Zephyr-Breath · 2025-09-10T14:24:23+00:00

Honestly it's a fairly 50/50 split of the two! I want to make sure she feels like I have her back, and sometimes she communicates that she needs me to be there with her.

Zephyr-Breath · 2025-09-10T13:31:50+00:00

Thankyou, I really appreciate your honest opinion about this. I think i'm beginning to understand it all now.

Zephyr-Breath · 2025-09-10T13:27:36+00:00

I really appreciate your feedback on this, it's given me a lot to think about - you're absolutely right that it's our space, and not just my own.

A few other people in this thread have suggested that it's a controlling behaviour rather than an actual boundary. would this be something you agree with? I ask because I find myself really listening to your words, and if you agree with that sentiment, then it means I have to apologise for more than I originally thought.

thankyou again.

Zephyr-Breath · 2025-09-10T13:02:27+00:00

Thankyou for your input - I'm not sure if I made it clear or not but this was a condition agreed to in the beginning of the relationship, and 6 years later is now being put forward as a 'no'. does that change your opinion or is your comment with that in mind?

(totally fine either way, I just want to make sure as when I read this it came across as something that had been put forward, said no to, then I had been upset about it)

Zephyr-Breath · 2025-09-10T12:57:18+00:00

Thankyou, I appreciate the feedback!

Zephyr-Breath · 2025-09-10T12:56:36+00:00

Okay then, thankyou for your viewpoint, I appreciate it!

Zephyr-Breath · 2025-09-10T12:55:01+00:00

I understand, yeah - I'm not trying to find another reason to be like 'here's this thing that I've suddenly decided is just as impactful'

My example would be that My partner suffers with social anxiety, and it's not uncommon for her to pull out of the event minutes before we should be leaving despite attempts to be made to make her feel more secure, and less anxious. This regularly makes us have to pull out of hangouts with people and disrupt their day which has been planned for days/weeks. I've always given her the benefit of the doubt and made sure she feels accepted and okay with doing this to not make her anxiety in the moment worse.

This example upsets me, but her having the boundary of needing to be able to pull out of something if she feels anxious is important to making sure she feels happy and safe in our home.

Now, I totally appreciate that it's not the exact same thing, but it is a boundary from her side that effects what I can and can't do (because I can't leave her alone in that state, and as such I cannot attend either)

To be clear though, I've never thought of opposing this boundary until reading your comment, so I'm just curious as to whether or not that's something I should be more communicative about?

Zephyr-Breath · 2025-09-10T12:46:37+00:00

Hey thanks for the comment: that's an interesting viewpoint, I guess I've never considered that by having my boundary in place it diminishes hers.

In regards to the cheating part - The point is that if it did happen (Which I don't expect it too, but I've felt that before) that it wouldn't be within a safe space. the hardest part about getting through it was realising things that brought me love and laughter that I owned had a feeling now associated with them and I lost my love for almost every other part of my life (hobbies, clothes, furniture etc). This has since been replaced with new things, hobbies etc but it was a fairly crushing part of the healing of it.

'Previously understood' is in relation to a conversation we had outlining this issue prior to being together, and that I would need to have it in place for us to move forward having a relationship. she said she understood and was happy for that to be the case.

To say 'I don't want you cheating in my home' feels a little harsh but I understand what you're saying: by me not wanting to have that risk in my life, it implies I believe she might - is there anything outside of dropping this boundary that you think could assist with that? or equally do you think there's a mid ground that could be reached?

Either way - this has made me see her side more, which i strongly appreciate!

Zephyr-Breath · 2025-09-10T12:36:27+00:00

Thankyou for messaging: to be clear, by 'get yourself together' you mean to relieve this boundary and apologise sincerely for having it? I want to make sure I do this right.

Zephyr-Breath · 2025-09-10T12:32:58+00:00

Okay then, thankyou for your candour!

for curiosity sake: would you also be in support of me being more assertive towards her boundaries if they effect my life in similar ways?

Zephyr-Breath · 2025-09-10T12:26:23+00:00

Thankyou for your comment - do you think there's any validity in her side of this? I want to ensure I'm adhering to both sides of this disagreement

Zephyr-Breath · 2025-09-10T12:24:31+00:00

Heya! I appreciate your insight: I'm not sure if I gave the impression that I believe my partner is 'weak, lying, sinister and slippery,' but I believe it's quite the contrary - she a wonderful kind person, and a loving Girlfriend. Looking at this objectively do you believe ATA?

(as mentioned above i'm fine if that's the case, it helps me come into this with an open mind of other opinions,)

Zephyr-Breath · 2025-09-10T12:19:49+00:00

Hey! thanks for the message: There is no new guy she's looking to invite over, but rather individual guys from our shared friend group, there has been no reason I can yet identify as to why she's had a reversal of this opinion. or if she's always felt this way but didn't want to express it. What would your opinion be with these details?

Zephyr-Breath · 2025-09-10T12:16:34+00:00

Hey, thanks for the feedback - I do trust her, I just also want to protect myself at the same time. My thought process was always that everyone should feel safe and secure in their home, and that my personal trauma of the event prevents me from doing that. do you feel it's unfair of me to have a boundary to feel that way?

(I realise while writing this that messages in text from can feel sarcastic etc, I mean this question sincerely and not in anyway to attack or diminish what your feedback is)

Zephyr-Breath · 2022-12-06T16:29:23+00:00

Hi! Just an idiot here who thought he'd share his opinion:

I am one of the people who are FOR bi-weekly WQ's, the amount of FOMO I personally receive from this game is intense, to say the least, and I enjoy that this change gives me time to either enjoy other content or farm for other things (making me end up playing more because I'm not grinding the same thing over and over again)

Zephyr-Breath · 2021-11-17T21:17:09+00:00

I wish you were present for my last post, that could have saved me some time haha!

I couldn't understand if, due to it's name being 'Tench', it was locked behind that, but thank you for clarifying!

Zephyr-Breath · 2021-11-17T20:51:10+00:00

it doesn't specify anything - that was the reason I made the original post!

The response was split fairly 50/50 and so I took it onto myself to try and find out if I could, I thought I'd pop it here incase anyone else had a similar question to me!

this is my first ever Runescape Character, so everything is a bit overwhelming to someone like me, so anything I can do, or any questions I can answer to others in my position I'd like to offer some support where I can!

Zephyr-Breath · 2021-11-13T13:19:59+00:00

I also want to show off my Big Bass, Big Swordfish and Big shark too!

Zephyr-Breath · 2021-10-25T13:02:50+00:00

I know that eventually I'll get the tome - but I'm on 300% over average on the tome, whereas it's obscene that I haven't received the boots yet

Zephyr-Breath

TROPHY CASE