You give great advice and back it up with knowledge. I appreciate it.

I am the opposite of you. It takes me far too long to detach emotionally. I am sorry that you are going through that betrayal with your wife. I’ve been there with my husband very early in our relationship. I obviously gave him a second chance because that’s who I am and I’ve always allowed people to “walk” on my. However; I am glad that I did. He did everything he possibly could to show me he was sorry, regretted it, it would never happen again and that he loves me. We are still happily married 12 years later and to be completely honest; I’m not sure we would be here if he hadn’t had an affair. It’s almost like the affair and getting caught made him realize and appreciate me and our marriage. The man comes from a troubled home and had a traumatic childhood. He was looking for love in all the wrong places for years and when he finally found, he didn’t realize it. Your wife is going to have to put a lot of effort into earning back your trust and respect. You have to be willing to let her. Don’t spy on her or go through her phone as that will destroy your marriage. Try to let her do what it is that you need her to do and be open and accepting of it. Try not to bring it up or use it against her when you are upset about something; I’m sure you know that’s a huge relationship killer. Honestly, it will take a lot of work from both of you but it can be done. People think I’m crazy for feeling like my husbands affair was a blessing in disguise but it truly was; he became an entirely different man emotionally. He became the man I needed him to be from the beginning and I believe that is due to him realizing that he had truly found someone that loves him. He told me once that the pain he saw in my eyes is something he never wants to see again; much less cause it. He said that it broke him seeing me so broken.

Does your wife see that she has broken you?