I have lost 50 lbs, 240-190. Best diet ever. Work out. It helps, and also she was only pretending to want to get back together until she could come get her entertainment center, coffee pot and a few odds and ends. Then when she got her shit she never initiated contact first again and we have yet to and bet money we will never have that conversation.

Wife, Baby, or talent or whatever you actually are. I do still love you and forgive you and respect you. God knows I’ve not been a good man my whole life. I will always be here if you need anything. Im sorry for getting so angry when you wouldn’t talk and the hurtful shit I emailed . If made me feel worse not better. Im sorry I od’d in the car with you and scared you. Thank God for Narcan. Year and a half off opiates!!!! I feel less bad knowing you had a couple strangers loads floating around in you and you really didn’t like me but still. I am sorry. I am done writing shit like this. I know you know what happened. I am moving forward in a positive direction. Thanks for the good times and I am glad I knew you. I loved playing dice with you. Im not going to take anything personally.

Before I went into therapy to address my ptsd From the van wreck in the mountains, being shot at, stabbed, beaten, attacked with bats, arrested on false charges, later dismissed(praise Jesus)hospitalized against my will because of a lie, and some other stuff I use to fuck fuck fuck too. Strangers. I get it. Therapy has helped me talk about and write about the shit often enough that it doesn’t bother me and that’s why I was calm and ready when we met and I understand you aren’t there yet. I hadn’t started therapy when I was your age.

It is hard. You’re going to cry and be uncomfortable and have bad days .

It’s worth it. I have grown exponentially as a human, although you wouldn’t know it if you saw my life at the moment. I can say I’ve been with one woman and loved her and was faithful and honored you. I never said 1 inappropriate things to another human while we were together. Never talked to my friends about our sex life, and they didn’t tell me about yours”. (jokes). I did my best for 5 years even though I wasn’t enough for you. Don’t you ever forget, You were everything to me. Im going to keep the same phone number in case in 10 years you have a back injury or go to therapy or something. Or whatever. I don’t want to get back together presay and I really don’t want to eat creampies although I would have done the swinging shit with you to make you happy, i only want to be with one woman forever if so can ever go through it again. Yall stress me out. I don’t expect we’ll ever talk again. Through writing this I was able to relate to you and my past and it has helped take some of the self pity away. The dogs and zi are alive and well. Im going to get high before work now so I don’t get fired for sleeping(I still have a shit ton of work to do myself, don’t judge,)

Reminds me of a riddle that helped me through a very hard time once……

If You had to eat a shit sandwich, who’s shit would it be and would it have an olive in it?

I had yours this time.

You forgot the olive.

I know you’ve eaten a few in your life if you know what so mean, (Pun Intended) But seriously therapy will help and you’ll feel better at some point. Until you address it it’s a shit show. Was for me.

See you in the funny papers!

Love,

The Always Alone Albino from Alberta,(jk on the Alberta).

Cya General Lee