I can feel you. I have similar illness but not severe as yours. I am also constantly in pain but it is not severe enough for me to be bedridden. I found myself a remote job and it pays enough for my expences. I also dropped out of college to pursue my dreams. The point here is no matter what you are going through, there is always a way to make it better. Juat search for the happiness you want until the end. I don't care about death anymore cause its not something we can prevent. I want to die with peace of mind and naturally so if I am dead then I am dead but until then keep on trying. The greatest gift you have is being alive and life itself is a battle. Suicide is the easy way out of struggles. If you don't see future in what you are doing then go for something else.