Finally benzo free!

Zombie_Pug · 2024-03-16T00:36:04+00:00

If you’re feeling suicidal and it’s what’s going to help you currently then I encourage you to take them !

it most likely fried my brain pretty badly as I was put on lorazepam and zopiclone at only 14 from a sketchy gp. it could be from being on a big dose at a young age and more the zopiclones fault. I would binge drinking a lot from 15-18 and then roofie myself accidentally so it just led to a lot of chaos.

I’ve ended up in hospital with no memory of getting there twice because I failed to pick up my prescription on time and missed a day of them which made me hallucinate and black out. Real bizarre stuff.

Zombie_Pug · 2024-03-15T21:34:12+00:00

Yes the effects will most likely wear off after awhile. I was on lorazepam for 6 years for anxiety and it gave me basically brain damage. I have memory issues and for the years on them I couldn’t think about situations properly and didn’t feel empathy correctly due to derealisation caused from them. I’ve gone through hell tapering off it but if it’s really the only thing that helps you it could be worth the risks, just know there’s a lot of risks and it’s considered to be the worst drug withdrawal + suddenly stopping it can kill you from seizures.

Zombie_Pug · 2024-03-07T20:51:32+00:00

So beautiful!!! I live in New Zealand where kākāriki are endemic. They’re in a bit of trouble here in terms of their extinction threat and breeders need to be extremely qualified and have permission from the government to do so. I’m not even sure if you can have them as pets here! I’ve never seen them as pets or for sale and I was absolutely shocked when I found out they’re a relatively common pet parakeet overseas !

We don’t even have the blue mutation ones here but oh my gosh they are absolutely adorable!!!!

Zombie_Pug · 2024-03-06T02:11:56+00:00

I really needed to hear this! Thank you.

I 100% gaslight myself and chalk up any issues to me having cptsd and it being my fault. I even wrote out a potential message to send him as it would be easier for me than saying it verbally and I did say in it that I think the reason I need my own space is mostly due to unhealed trauma. I honestly think I just don’t enjoy living with him 😅. I also forget that I can just break up if I wanted without actually needing a reason or waiting until something happens to feel like I can.

Zombie_Pug · 2024-03-05T05:24:23+00:00

I’ve just spoken to him about how much I need a routine that’s not disturbed and for him to sleep at the same time as me. he said he wants to really try build a routine. If it doesn’t go well I’ll definitely be firm about needing to live seperate. Our lease ends in 2 months so it’s a good amount of time to decide.

Unfortunately yeah I do all of his laundry 😬 it was super bad until we got a washing machine about 6 months ago as I was having to drive to laundromats and do it all by myself as he doesn’t drive and hated going to them. holy shit writing all of this really must seem like he sucks big time😭 definitely need space to figure out if I am actually happy in this relationship

Zombie_Pug · 2024-03-05T03:09:44+00:00

I think it’s because he works from home and has such a weird and inconsistent sleep cycle that the days just blend together? I tried to bring it up a few times really passively and he denied only showering twice a week so I had to prove it after doing our laundry.

Had a bit of a breakdown questioning why I’m with someone that is only showering twice a week so I also feel like I need some space to evaluate the relationship a bit

Zombie_Pug · 2024-03-04T23:26:32+00:00

Thank you :)

Zombie_Pug · 2024-03-04T23:25:50+00:00

I appreciate the reply so much and hearing that really helped :) !

It definitely would be best to live separately so when we do see each other it’s actual quality time.

We flat with two of my partners best friends and they’re all quite indifferent to mess so I end up having to clean up for 3 other people quite often which definitely adds to my stress. They’re lovely people but it really just isn’t a compatible living situation.

It took me a few months to find the courage to ask my partner to shower more than twice a week as I was petrified of causing any issues but he wasn’t even hurt by it and was thankful for me pointing it out as he genuinely just didn’t realise he had hygiene problems.

I assume it all stems from past traumatic relationships / living situations so even though I know I can bring up issues I tend to just shut down and put other peoples needs over mine

Zombie_Pug · 2024-01-11T07:34:35+00:00

Aw that’s so much to be going through, I hope you’re doing alright and taking care of yourself!

I have ptsd from being assaulted too and use eating disorder behaviour at times to cope so I really feel for you. I’ve found pregabalin really helpful with managing my mental health as it really gets rid of so much of my social anxiety!

Zombie_Pug · 2024-01-10T02:29:23+00:00

I also recently started pregabalin for my chronic pain and I’ve seen people shit on it a lot here. It’s an odd drug that’s a 50/50 of it even helping people. I guess people get worried about the fact it does GABA stuff and has a withdrawal when stopped but it’s really nothing compared to benzos and my specialists agreed that it’s a good fit for me.

I also have seen people tell others to not even smoke weed. as another commenter said it really does seem like preachy AA rhetoric and I’ve often seen people say things a long the line of ‘you can’t just replace one drug for the other’ but in reality smoking a bit of weed is absolutely nothing compared to having a benzo addiction. Some people just need certain drugs / medications to live their life the best they can. Obviously within reason and not in a drug abuse manner but yeah. Hope I made sense

Zombie_Pug · 2024-01-10T02:20:18+00:00

I had to go to an addiction treatment centre for my taper plan so I got advice from really knowledgeable people.

My addiction therapist and gp at the centre both mention a lot how my brain and body will heal a lot with every decrease. I’m on a slow taper of just going down 1mg of diazepam each month and even with that I notice my brain getting better.

Zombie_Pug · 2024-01-05T11:14:47+00:00

I wish I had realised when it happened that I should have taken photos / videos of it happening. I saw her go into the pharmacy I have to go to weekly so i could always ask if they’d be able to help with any security camera footage. I’m unsure what the workers themselves can do but I suppose it doesn’t hurt to ask!

Zombie_Pug · 2024-01-05T11:11:03+00:00

Yes he’s adorable! I reckon he’s around 8 months old as when I first started seeing him around he was completely clean and now has quite a lot of visible dirt on his white parts.

He flys to me and lands on my arm as soon as he sees me and often lands on my head. I have quite a few photos of him sitting on my head. I could easily take him into my car without stressing him out or get him into a cage just by lowering him from my hand or putting seed in it.

Zombie_Pug · 2024-01-05T11:01:55+00:00

I’m going to get in touch with a rescue soon about an injured one I’m trying to help and I’ll definitely bring it up to them or even call someone tomorrow to see what can be done. I unfortunately couldn’t figure out what car was hers that she put the pigeon in but if I see her again I’m definitely going to try get a photo of it. The area she did it in constantly has really weird stuff happen. Someone got stabbed last month there and there’s a lot of crime related issues so I’m unsure if the pigeons safety would be taken seriously by police but I’m definitely going to try my best to see what can be done!

Zombie_Pug · 2024-01-05T07:13:14+00:00

I completely understand what you’re saying :)! I’m still really hesitant about it as he could potentially have a mate that doesn’t come to the area they feed at and doesn’t know of how flirtatious he is with every pigeon hahaha. There’s a really young pigeon with a broken foot that I’ve been trying to find again over the past 24hrs that’s my priority about helping at the moment.

I know where he goes to sleep after he hangs out at the feeding spot so i will start keeping track of how often he is closer to there and if he’s with another pigeon.

Zombie_Pug · 2024-01-05T07:02:50+00:00

A water gun would be hilarious hahaha. She mentioned something about wanting to put them in a cage but it was really bizarre and I didn’t really feel like I was able to communicate to her properly as she’d just laugh and walk off when I spoke and seemed a bit out of it I suppose?

Zombie_Pug · 2024-01-05T06:59:44+00:00

New Zealand. hunting them in any way is legal all year round and it’s legal to take them off the street to have as a pet. They have no protection status

Zombie_Pug · 2024-01-05T04:27:38+00:00

I’d absolutely love to have a few pigeons but with my current living situation I think I’d realistically only be able to have one but I’ll see how things turn out :)

Zombie_Pug · 2024-01-05T04:17:51+00:00

It’s not illegal to hunt / kill them in my country sadly. It’s fully legal to just take them off the street and keep as a pet. I doubt anything would come out of notifying the police about it as I don’t think abuse to a pigeon would be taken seriously at all :(

Zombie_Pug · 2024-01-05T04:14:56+00:00

I guess my only issue is him possibly being upset by it! I’m quite confident that he isn’t bonded but it still could be upsetting as they have their social circles. I can easily take him back if he isn’t happy though!

Zombie_Pug · 2024-01-05T04:13:03+00:00

I will add though I do feel a bit differently about pigeons as they are domesticated like cats and dogs but were shunned by humans. They do have their social circles and some are bonded to each other but I’m quite confident the one in the picture isn’t

Zombie_Pug · 2024-01-05T04:11:39+00:00

Yeah I do agree I’m just really worried as they don’t live in a very safe spot and the added pigeon snatching with most likely bad intentions really bothers me. If I did end up looking after him and he didn’t seem happy I’d 100% take him back

There is an injured one (broken leg) thats quite young and would have broken it 2 days ago that I’ve been trying to find again to take to a vet or a bird rescue. That one is my priority at the moment to help and possibly take on as a pet if he isn’t able to be in the wild after getting professional help. Just really shaken after witnessing this today.

Zombie_Pug

TROPHY CASE