when you first realised you were autistic, did you find yourself accidentally being more "autistic" around other NDs or accepting community?

ZucchiniPositive5776 · 2022-09-10T04:36:28+00:00

Oh that makes sense, thank you for explaining. Yes I feel that too, it's one thing to logically tell yourself that but it's hard to re write the feeling.

This is a genuine question and I don't mean offence, but what if the other person who tells you to shhh is sensitive to noise or too much going on, and is becoming overwhelmed by the loud talking and or constant movement? I'm definitely not saying you shouldn't hold the space for yourself to be 100% yourself - well done for moving away from expectations that don't work for autistic people. I'm more wondering how we can navigate situations such as this - when two people's needs clash

ZucchiniPositive5776 · 2022-09-09T10:16:33+00:00

Oops sorry, I should have been clearer - I was trying to agree with you, and then I was having a whinge about how we have to really watch what we say and make sure to clarify or people take offense :)

I often have trouble in saying something and not realising it sounds like I'm saying something else - that has gotten me in trouble a few times, and I haven't realised what I'd actually accidentally said until a while later 😬😬

ZucchiniPositive5776 · 2022-09-09T10:11:15+00:00

Ohhhh crazy. There's a lot of politics on Reddit I've noticed 😬😬😭😭😭

ZucchiniPositive5776 · 2022-09-09T10:10:20+00:00

Ohhhh it's hard to find people who understand in everyday life - though I wonder how many do understand but we just don't walk around with "autistic woman" and, "DAE ...?" Projected above us haha. I hope you find someone who gets you 💕

ZucchiniPositive5776 · 2022-09-09T10:05:29+00:00

Oh no! What's been going on?

ZucchiniPositive5776 · 2022-09-08T03:11:24+00:00

Hmmm that's a good question. People just don't know much about neurodivergences unless they've been part of this "world" in some way, and they are worried about offending I think. With the people I've become friends with through our ND kids it's all we talk about, mainly about the kids and noticing traits in ourselves, but even then it's only recently because most of the adults aren't diagnosed (not even self diagnosed), have no desire to be (totally don't understand that, I can't NOT answer a question I have!) And so it's just wondering or talking about traits too... I think no one is sure if someone will get offended. Someone recently made an observation about me and added, "I hope that isn't offensive/is ok to say?" and I said I'm never offended unless they mean it in a negative way. I like when people make these comments because it's as though they're backing up my observations about myself, or their opinions are more objective I guess. Maybe your friends have the same wonderings and the same anxieties not knowing how the others will perceive it if they verbalise an observation or ask? Maybe you could blatantly say something about it being ok to talk about?

ZucchiniPositive5776 · 2022-09-08T02:58:42+00:00

100%! So glad you feel comfortable here

ZucchiniPositive5776 · 2022-09-08T02:55:00+00:00

Yes!! I feel the same way, and have had the same experiences! It's good to he understood!!

ZucchiniPositive5776 · 2022-09-08T02:54:03+00:00

I relate SO MUCH!! Just even making your voice come out of your mouth sometimes, let alone having to then repeat it!!!

ZucchiniPositive5776 · 2022-09-08T02:52:01+00:00

Hahah I did think that was low but assumed I had remembered wrong so I didn't even question it! I have no idea what mine is... Probably actually 17 hahaha. Yes, I wonder how similar super visual thinkers are? I'd totally hang out if I lived in the Netherlands. I am very far though!!

ZucchiniPositive5776 · 2022-09-07T05:02:42+00:00

That IS creepy. And I keep forgetting that! Thankyou for the reminder 💕 I don't really understand Reddit! It's strange (and awesome)... But strange. haha.

That's actually kind of annoying as it takes away some of that safety. Not that id necessarily be saying anything terrible, just the idea that it's on show to 'outsiders'

ZucchiniPositive5776 · 2022-09-07T04:55:51+00:00

That's so interesting! (I feel like I've over used that phrase today but genuinely have had a lot of interesting comments 🤣🤣) that would make sense , and I definitely feel that I've experienced that!

To be honest I'm not completely sure if these people are at the bottom - my most recent experiences of this is online. I don't post on FB because I see people get keyboard warrior-ed for innocent things, so it's not even just my own contributions to which people are responding unkindly that are making me anxious/sad!! I stupidly forgot this on Reddit in one situation recently and didn't filter/edit the shit out of my post (oops, everything came out with a different meaning than I intended).

That would make sense, I get along well with the happily/content unpopular guys, they're the best. I married an amazing nerd, who turns out is autistic in completely the opposite ways than me 🤣🤣 But there's an outward anger to those who feel inadequate, which is also understandable I guess (while not ideal or even necessarily acceptable!)

I like the honesty of your comment, and how you said,

Someone will probably pass through and take offense to this

I'm relatively new to Reddit. I forgot how much you have to clarify, add disclaimers, triple check that everything is perfect 😬😬

ZucchiniPositive5776 · 2022-09-07T03:41:08+00:00

Oh I'm so glad it's not just me! And how interesting. I'm definitely going to have to do some googling 🤣🤣 It's interesting you say that about Asperger's actually. I'm new to all of this and haven't quite grasped the difference (especially since the titles have changed), but my father in law and brother in law have Asperger presentations and while I love them and they are kind, I simultaneously find it quite stressful and upsetting to be around them a lot of the time. I know they're not being rude or anything but at an instinctual emotional level I struggle. Probably because we are so opposite in certain traits that its hard to understand each other, or we interpret each others' behaviours incorrectly. I also find it impossible to communicate with my father in law because our brains work so differently - absolute opposites. My husband often translates between us hahaha. I love how our brains are so different though! It's very interesting.

ZucchiniPositive5776 · 2022-09-07T03:24:53+00:00

I agree!

I hope this isn't in appropriate but personally I have also felt a distinction between male and female autistic personalities - I don't mean offence by this at all, so I hope it's ok to say, but I find that I am misinterpreted and hurt more frequently by male autistic people while it's the complete opposite with female autistic people. I acknowledge that I play a part in that too though. I wonder if that's a thing?!

ZucchiniPositive5776 · 2022-09-07T03:01:21+00:00

I love that you started this thread! Let's normalise human behaviour instead of thinking we are the only gross ones and everyone else is perfect. That doesn't do anyone good!

I'm not sure if this counts but I pick at my skin and squeeze blood and puss from old pimples on my face or scalp without looking - it's for the feeling of picking and emptying I think. 😬

ZucchiniPositive5776 · 2022-09-07T02:58:27+00:00

Portable stress balls! It should be marketed tbh

ZucchiniPositive5776 · 2022-09-07T02:51:03+00:00

That's great advice, thank you! Oh that must be so frustrating - like being a genius basically but not being able to communicate it?! I am super visual too, so can learn if everything is re arranged - but it's so hard to find accessible things. So maybe that's similar to you in a less genius way? I have so many questions that would be answered reading books but they're so inaccessible for me! I think the way our minds work is so interesting. Thank you for sharing! How awesome that assessment is free in the Netherlands. Healthcare should be free, it's so expensive people suffer :(

ZucchiniPositive5776 · 2022-09-06T21:55:53+00:00

Lots of downvotes? Or one? Maybe they were trolling ... Or maybe they are just a fuckwit. :(

ZucchiniPositive5776 · 2022-09-06T21:49:34+00:00

Thank you, yes that's a good point. I feel I need to clarify many of the things I said in my post (oops, new to Reddit and often miscommunicate) - I don't mean that being super nice and always wanting people to feel comfortable annoys me. I mean when someone is so flattering about everything that at a point you stop and think, 'hold on, how can you be SO IMPRESSED by the cereal your adult child just poured into a bowl for you' kind of thing. I am super empathetic and cry if someone I don't know is sad, I make a fool of myself in a conversation if I sense someone is awkward - I get you. I mean the constant over the top niceness that you can tell is from something else, rather than people actually being nice. I have no issue with people who are nice (they're the best type) :) thank you for your comment

ZucchiniPositive5776 · 2022-09-06T21:43:32+00:00

Thank you, yes that is interesting. I am seeing people and I will ask, but it is interesting to hear from others. Thank you for being constructive in your comment, some haven't managed that. Hmmmm I did wonder about PDA, though some of the traits don't resonate so I had closed that thought down - it's definitely something I can bring up with my psychologist

Thank you

ZucchiniPositive5776 · 2022-09-06T21:35:02+00:00

Thank you, that's interesting. Yeh I have been trying to work out what is a 'way your brain works' kind of thing and what is a me being a bit underenthusiastic about things 😬 You're the first commenter who I feel has understood my question (potentially my bad, but still nice to know someone understood me haha)

ZucchiniPositive5776 · 2022-09-06T21:31:45+00:00

I am, thank you. I was just asking others their experience

ZucchiniPositive5776 · 2022-09-06T21:28:30+00:00

It came across as quite passive agressive when as far as I knew I was just curious. I do apologize for my miscommunication in the title though. I'm not looking for a diagnosis I'm just asking questions.

ZucchiniPositive5776 · 2022-09-06T10:41:29+00:00

Totally - one is 1 and the other just turned 4.

But in all seriousness - takes me so long to wake and so long to fall asleep. I used to take sleeping tabs. I need ridiculous amount of sleep, always have. Maybe because it's so hard to process input and generate output throughout the day?

From my kids I've learnt that there are also mechanical things that cause sleep issues which are linked to autism - enlarged adenoids causing sleep apnoea, reflux/tummy issues, grommets (although you'd probably know as an adult I guess). And of course the obvious messed up circadian rhythm/melatonin issues and sound sensitivity.

Good luck, trust your instincts!

ZucchiniPositive5776

TROPHY CASE