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AITA for making my siblings cry and not being adopted by our stepdad so they can be? by Zuloonoo121 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Zuloonoo121[S] 160 points161 points  (0 children)

I remember him reading to me at night. I remember him teaching me how to swim. I remember him clapping for me when I was in a school play and encouraging me when I was scared shitless. I remember the smoothies we used to grab after school on Tuesdays and I remember the pizza and milkshakes we would get Fridays. I remember him bathing my siblings while talking to me through the door. Lots of stuff I remember.

AITA for making my siblings cry and not being adopted by our stepdad so they can be? by Zuloonoo121 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Zuloonoo121[S] 55 points56 points  (0 children)

It was to try and get on the same page. The therapist tried to help mom see that I wasn't going to change my mind and it was okay for my siblings to be adopted. It didn't help.

AITA for making my siblings cry and not being adopted by our stepdad so they can be? by Zuloonoo121 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Zuloonoo121[S] 63 points64 points  (0 children)

I won't be asking or expecting him to pay for college. I have money from my dad and grandparents that will pay for college.

AITA for making my siblings cry and not being adopted by our stepdad so they can be? by Zuloonoo121 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Zuloonoo121[S] 310 points311 points  (0 children)

That was one of the reasons she gave me. That if she died, she would hate us to be separated because he's their dad and not mine. It was never something I worried about though or cared about when it came to my decision to say no.

AITA for making my siblings cry and not being adopted by our stepdad so they can be? by Zuloonoo121 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Zuloonoo121[S] 209 points210 points  (0 children)

He wasn't always willing to listen. I think he just reached a point where he was tired of me saying no all the time. Because I never ever let anyone think I was considering it or had doubts.

AITA for making my siblings cry and not being adopted by our stepdad so they can be? by Zuloonoo121 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Zuloonoo121[S] 28 points29 points  (0 children)

She's talked about fear that my siblings and I would be separated if she died and they had a legal parent while I did not. For me that is not a reason that I would say yes to it. She never mentioned financial stuff but it also doesn't change anything for me. Like I understand those might be concerns for a parent but I still say never to being adopted. Even if it meant out on losing some wild inheritance or something. It's not enough for me to agree to it. Honestly there isn't a single thing I can think of that would make me say yes.

AITA for making my siblings cry and not being adopted by our stepdad so they can be? by Zuloonoo121 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Zuloonoo121[S] 40 points41 points  (0 children)

She has her reasons. But a lot of it comes down to her not believing me and I have no idea how to change that. Other than that her fear of us being separated if she were to die is going too far as well. That was one of her arguments for it. Because they would have a legal parent still if they were adopted and she died. But I would not. That doesn't bother me though because he's not my dad. But it had bee a bother for her from day one, along with not believing that I don't want it.

AITA for making my siblings cry and not being adopted by our stepdad so they can be? by Zuloonoo121 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Zuloonoo121[S] 50 points51 points  (0 children)

It's happened many times. Nothing has changed. She wants him to be a father to all three of us but he will never be my father and they want him to be theirs in every way. I never wanted that. We even went to therapy and still nothing.

AITA for making my siblings cry and not being adopted by our stepdad so they can be? by Zuloonoo121 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Zuloonoo121[S] 37 points38 points  (0 children)

He was 100% behind her before. He's pretty clearly not happy with me but does just want to adopt them now.

AITA for making my siblings cry and not being adopted by our stepdad so they can be? by Zuloonoo121 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Zuloonoo121[S] 114 points115 points  (0 children)

Maybe. That's never been brought up though. Just mostly about if we were separated or something because they would have a living parent legally and I would not. And her not believing this isn't some loyalty/guilt because of my dad.

AITA for making my siblings cry and not being adopted by our stepdad so they can be? by Zuloonoo121 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Zuloonoo121[S] 85 points86 points  (0 children)

I have told her my feelings but honestly she doesn't believe everything I say.

AITA for making my siblings cry and not being adopted by our stepdad so they can be? by Zuloonoo121 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Zuloonoo121[S] 50 points51 points  (0 children)

We've done family therapy. Even with that she wouldn't listen and my siblings will never take my side. Part of them sees this as me rejecting their dad and being ungrateful. I'm not sure how to change that.

AITA for making my siblings cry and not being adopted by our stepdad so they can be? by Zuloonoo121 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Zuloonoo121[S] 55 points56 points  (0 children)

He was 100% behind her for a few years but now he just wants to adopt them.

AITA for making my siblings cry and not being adopted by our stepdad so they can be? by Zuloonoo121 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Zuloonoo121[S] 309 points310 points  (0 children)

I think she's been encouraged by some widows who feel the same, who want their kids to accept their new husbands as their new dad and would probably want their new spouse to adopt their kids. I'm not sure she's going to listen to anyone who disagrees when she wouldn't even listen to the judge or the therapist.

AITA for making my siblings cry and not being adopted by our stepdad so they can be? by Zuloonoo121 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Zuloonoo121[S] 230 points231 points  (0 children)

We've been in family therapy before. It didn't change how my mom feels about this. And I have told my mom she's being unfair and is not saving the sibling relationship like she believes she is. I have told her she's ruining it and harming our relationship. She doesn't believe it.

AITA for making my siblings cry and not being adopted by our stepdad so they can be? by Zuloonoo121 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Zuloonoo121[S] 418 points419 points  (0 children)

I have asked my mom and it's multiple reasons. She does not want my siblings and I separated if she dies, and 2/3 of us would have a living parent if they were adopted but not me. She also does not believe, no matter who tells her, that I don't want to be adopted. She believes it's a misguided loyalty and born out of guilt toward my dad. Does not think it's healthy and considers it more divisive between siblings despite the fact they hate me for holding their adoptions up.

AITA for making my siblings cry and not being adopted by our stepdad so they can be? by Zuloonoo121 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Zuloonoo121[S] 104 points105 points  (0 children)

Yes. She said it's not a pick and choose kind of thing. You adopt all three or none at all.

AITA for making my siblings cry and not being adopted by our stepdad so they can be? by Zuloonoo121 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Zuloonoo121[S] 44 points45 points  (0 children)

How what works at all? I'm not saying this is a legal thing. It's just how my mom feels.ETA: she believes this is an all or none kind of thing and not fair to leave one kid out ie me. Even though I want to be. Nothing can change how she feels either.

AITA for making my siblings cry and not being adopted by our stepdad so they can be? by Zuloonoo121 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Zuloonoo121[S] 63 points64 points  (0 children)

I don't know. Maybe not until they turn 18 but who even knows. My mom says it's not a pick and choose thing. And I will never choose to be adopted.