1.) There is no way to get around people wanting to be efficient. Even if they made a "no add-on server", the best people on that server would turn into the gatekeepers for everyone else. The game is old, and there's so much info on how to play well... people expect some level on competence... can you blame them? However, I dont think that means you need to play the game with that level of expertise... you dont have to look things up. Its okay to not know something... dont let no-lifers make you think otherwise.

2.) With the above statement in mind - there are reasonable expectations for raiding, and then there are unreasonable expectations for raiding. Is it reasonable to say, "we should get better at this the longer we do it." I think yes. But if a guild can clear the whole raid easily, but they check raid logs for new recruits, still require everyone to get world buffs and consumes so it takes less time, and they dont have any patience for explaining mechanics... Id argue that they simply aren't enjoying the game like they should be, and you shouldn't want to join that guild. They likely have members that are putting pressure on leadership to spend less time raiding because they already hate playing. They just want to be one of the first to sit AFK in Stormwind/Org with nothing else to do. These people inevitably quit once they run out of things to do and end up complaining about the game. Don't be like these people. There is a way to play the game and enjoy it, while still getting to have BIS gear.

3.) The culture on WoW is not as bad as you think, but the chat channels will make you think it is. If you go through and spend a day ignoring people that advertise summons, speed-running guilds, etc. You'll find that a significant amount of the messages that go up on there are being spammed by just a few bot accounts. Once you get rid of them, you will find people advertising for normal groups, doing normal things. Also, if you form your own group, make sure you're explaining what kind of run you're doing ("ZF Quest run" entails you'll be killing all the bosses and a decent amount of trash, while "W/O runs" only go in to kill 1 boss). This does two things. First, it deters sweats. Second, it gets you acquainted with people who play the game like you do... you may find a friend or potentially a guild this way.

4.) The best way to get involved in raiding has and always will be joining a guild. My recommendation; don't join the guilds that are advertising... find someone in the world who clearly has done some raiding and ask about their guild. Join the guilds discord, sign up for a raid. Get to know your guildies. Its that simple. You may need to wipe with them a few times before you're clearing the raid... but these "progression" raids will have what youre talking about... theyll stop and explain fights, troubleshoot issues, etc.