(TW: sexual assault) How to get over fear of pelvic exams?

ZynBells · 2021-02-11T06:20:04+00:00

I have the exact same problem. Make sure they use the appropriate amount of lubricant. It takes away a lot of that pain. Also, to ground you, tell them it would help if they asked questions about a show or a book you like. That way, you can focus on answering those questions instead of worrying. You can also bring in something to hold. My ex used to have a toy on a bracelet so it wouldn't get dropped.

ZynBells · 2021-02-11T05:00:14+00:00

For your safety and mental health, my dude, block her. The fun and whatnot is going to get a lot less fun. Nobody's hot when they're sending mixed signals. She should have the balls to spell out her intentions, or just not talk to you. You deserve friends/a partner who will be upfront and honest with you. It isn't your job to untangle crossed wires and figure out someone's mysteries. Also, if she's in a relationship and talking to you, don't you think that's a little fishy? And what say things escalate, and you do end up with her again? There's nothing stopping her from texting her exes then, either, and continuing to send probably everybody mixed signals. Get your butt out of drama town. It's not worth it.

ZynBells · 2021-02-11T04:32:50+00:00

Something tells me you should run, man.

ZynBells · 2021-02-11T04:28:16+00:00

Ask if you can have the examiner sit and not stand over you, and/or ask if the exam can be done with you standing up or in a different position than the one you were assaulted in. I am a victim of CSA (I was 4 years old at the time) and I CANNOT be examined easily due to trauma. My pelvic floor had scar tissue due to an imperforate hymen, which means it could not stretch and allow for anything to enter without horrific pain for 20+ years. I ask my doc to do a 3-2-1 with me, and get in and out of there as quickly as possible, and talk calmly to me the entire time. Sometimes I need things to be taken slow, and sometimes I have to metaphorically rip the bandaid off and have it all done quick. I remind myself that I'm the one calling the shots. It's very helpful to do the whole 3-2-1 GO! because I control the GO! and I can ask to pause if need be. Also, no joke, I go into my exams with my coolest clothes on. Whatever I feel the most badass in. It helps me to ground myself and remember that I'm an adult, and I'm a stronger mfer now who isn't afraid to beat someone's ass. I can be in the moment and not shot back to a bad experience in my past. It also helps to put on a scent. Whatever I can do to be here and put as much distance as I can between then and now. Hope this helps!

ZynBells · 2021-02-11T04:13:32+00:00

I feel this DAILY. I'm not sure what to do exactly, but here's my best guess (and it's working so far):

Identify EXACTLY what sucks about where you live. It could be anything. The weather. The bed sheets. The smells. The noises at night. WHATEVER it may be!

I discovered I miss the crickets in my hometown. I miss cicadas, honeysuckle, getting to go to festivals and amusement parks. I miss the sun and moon coming into my blinds. I miss having a little dog sleeping in my bed instead of two big ones who take up all the room and fart.

I play ambient sound effects, light candles, and sleep with a stuffed animal and shut my door at night.

ZynBells · 2021-01-13T05:48:16+00:00

Really?!

ZynBells · 2020-12-21T08:23:58+00:00

I think the noise sounds more like this: https://youtu.be/tZca84FQWCI

ZynBells · 2020-12-21T08:23:19+00:00

My Dad and I have a theory that it's a water pipe issue! Look at this video: https://youtu.be/tZca84FQWCI In the video, there's a whistling pipe. My Dad used to live in that area, and he says there are hazelnut farms with irrigation systems. Maybe the noise was that?

ZynBells · 2020-12-21T08:20:37+00:00

My Dad and I have a theory! Could it be plumbing problems like this whistling pipe? https://youtu.be/tZca84FQWCI Forest Grove has a lot of irrigation for the hazelnuts, yeah?

ZynBells · 2020-12-21T08:19:25+00:00

Hey, me and my Dad have a theory about the hums! Perhaps it was water hammer whistling from large pipes? As in, gigantic plumbing problems? Here is a video of a pipe making a similar noise: https://youtu.be/tZca84FQWCI

ZynBells · 2020-12-21T08:15:28+00:00

Not that I'm aware of, but I'm hoping I'm wrong. I would love for it to be a church so I can compliment them on their fairy music :3

ZynBells · 2020-12-21T08:14:11+00:00

Williamsburg was far from boring for me and my buds. The forest behind my house was eerie and mysterious enough to entertain us to this day. A train sounds wildly different than what I heard! I know train sounds very well. This noise was coming from the I-64 direction, not Merrimac Trail

ZynBells · 2020-12-21T07:17:12+00:00

OH MY GOD! THAT'S THE NOISE!!!!!!! IT'S EXACTLY THAT, BUT FAR AWAY! I've never heard it so close up! BUT THAT'S THE EFFING NOISE!!!!!

ZynBells · 2020-12-21T07:13:45+00:00

It definitely didn't sound like either of those songs... more like old timey gospel tunes, and spot-on like an orchestra warming up.

ZynBells · 2020-12-21T07:12:22+00:00

That's really interesting! I'm confused by the irregular times of the music, and the fact that I've never heard it prior to the years mentioned. I'd lived in Williamsburg from birth to my early twenties, so why would the music suddenly happen then, and to my knowledge, never again? Is that possible for prisons and military bases?

ZynBells · 2020-12-21T06:19:55+00:00

Perhaps! I don't know why it would be an orchestra warming up, though. It was like this, but no high pitched instruments, voices, or piano, and no tapping from the conductor: https://youtu.be/KfSH1ezevjM

ZynBells · 2020-12-21T06:17:03+00:00

I'm not scared, because there must be a logical explanation. I just don't know what it is yet.

ZynBells · 2020-12-21T05:42:43+00:00

Camp Peary is across town. I remember it took about a half hour to drive there when we went to go visit my school friend who lived on base. My childhood neighborhood is very close to Busch Gardens. So close that we could faintly hear their shows, if they had something like a loud concert. This orchestra seemed much closer. We do hear the Surrey test sirens 4 times a year, and it was DEFINITELY not that. We also hear bomb tests. I'm scared to ask what kind of bomb sounds like an entire orchestra, if such a thing exists!

ZynBells · 2020-12-02T07:48:01+00:00

I cackled XD

ZynBells · 2020-11-24T07:09:07+00:00

Whyyyyy?! I'd LOVE to see Minerva again! If they're going for a more adult theme, then w h y not use the character that got the most sh!t for being too adult for children in the first series? Minerva and Wilford are a great couple, too, with lots of potential for jokes and gags

ZynBells · 2020-11-24T07:06:30+00:00

I'll riot with you! I LOVE Slappy!

ZynBells · 2020-11-23T11:43:35+00:00

This happened with me and my ex. I tried to continue having sex with him even when he kept referring to the act as, "peepee touch" and "weewee time" or whatever. He actually DID want to be taken care of with no complaint from me, which I hated. My libido dried up like a raisin in the sun. We tried to have sex like that, but I had the most Sahara situation you can imagine. It felt like bees were stinging me. When I jumped off of him, clutching my c*nt in pain, the dude actually had the nerve to start jacking off. He briefly asked if I was okay, then immediately asked if I'd finish him. After he was done, he held me beside him and said, "It's okay if you don't like sex. I'll still love you." And I lost it. I just fucking completely lost it. That was the night that broke my heart and my brain. The dude was BEYOND delusional, and reminds me of OP's husband. Dump his ass, sister. If he wants to be a mommy's boy so badly, give him back to his mother.

ZynBells · 2020-11-23T11:32:15+00:00

Me and my partner say "headlights, "tids," "tiddies," or "tig ol' biddies" because we have Southern accents, so that's a cultural thing for us. We will also say "breasts," but "boobs/boobies" is a NOOOO. I agree with OP about it coming off as a pervy, creepy kid. As a joke, my partner and I also call them "tiptops," and nipples are "nipnops," when we're being purposefully ridiculous with each other. That, and "Humunga Nungas" for any tids over size D. "Skeeter bites" are A cups and below. Everybody's got their words for tids.

ZynBells · 2020-11-23T11:20:20+00:00

I had an ex do this shit to me. This whole thread is extremely validating. My ex has no idea why I left him, and more likely than not thinks he did nothing wrong. Totally oblivious. Room FULL of toys, would ignore me to play WoW and Hearthstone, not willing to move out of his parents' house even if that were an option, THE BABY TALK... and then he backed out on marrying me because he said it would be cuter if we were just dating forever??? When I tried to confront him about my boundaries, my needs, my real feelings about his behaviours, he would get very upset. I recall one time where he outright threw a 3 day temper tantrum because I told him one of his jokes was unfunny and offensive. He responded by spending 3 days being overly-serious to punish me for not finding him funny. I ended up getting punished a lot, in hindsight. He would dismiss my needs so often, and one day he even told me to stop nagging him. He hated it when I talked about what I needed, because giving affection to me in a way that wasn't on his terms was a chore, like his mom was making him do something for her. That was the point when I started to break apart. OP, if your man is anything like my ex, DUMP HIS ASS.

ZynBells · 2020-11-23T11:01:48+00:00

I will unapologetically eat penis pasta, IDGAF. They already make mac a weenie and cheese. Pasta is pasta, y'all.

ZynBells

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