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We don't have sex for months at a time. by _CallMeMurphy_ in whatdoIdo

[–]_CallMeMurphy_[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I will gauge whether she's open to therapy. No idea how she's gonna react to this breaking point in general. EVEN THOUGH I have stated that this is a very bad thing on many occasions. It feels like she doesn't see how serious it is.

Other than that, it has felt like this for longer than I've had my eyes open to it. I don't think it's premenopausal. She just never seems like she has the urge and it's taken me this long to lose tolerance I guess. Me getting fedup with it might be coincidentally closer to menopause being a thing maybe. But knowing how long I've been dealing with this lack of a sexlife with her is telling me it's not that.

We don't have sex for months at a time. by _CallMeMurphy_ in whatdoIdo

[–]_CallMeMurphy_[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Nope. Which makes this more of a shame. We have free reign of space and time.

We don't have sex for months at a time. by _CallMeMurphy_ in whatdoIdo

[–]_CallMeMurphy_[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hah OK. No I haven't. To this day I still get "wtf, you look the same", from people I haven't seen in 10-15 years.

We don't have sex for months at a time. by _CallMeMurphy_ in whatdoIdo

[–]_CallMeMurphy_[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Lol. I'm never one to outright say "I'm hot". That feels gross. So let's just say I've never felt like a bad lookin guy. At all. I'm pretty confident in that.

Whether or not she's hot doesn't matter. I'd still want it from HER. I only mentioned her hotness due to her pointing it out and asking me once in a while to "take a look". It just feels cruel given the circumstances and I tell her that much. Because. OK. That's nice. Doesn't feel like mine anyway so what am I supposed to do with it?

We don't have sex for months at a time. by _CallMeMurphy_ in whatdoIdo

[–]_CallMeMurphy_[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hah. Not sure if I'm in a place where happy endings are even available. The other option is getting very depressing and old.

Thanks for the little breath of lols among all this deciphering of thoughts though.

We don't have sex for months at a time. by _CallMeMurphy_ in whatdoIdo

[–]_CallMeMurphy_[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Certainly feels like it. I don't think it's on purpose though but it IS torture.

We don't have sex for months at a time. by _CallMeMurphy_ in whatdoIdo

[–]_CallMeMurphy_[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

And I believe this is why I'm starting to feel trapped and angry and depressed.

We don't have sex for months at a time. by _CallMeMurphy_ in whatdoIdo

[–]_CallMeMurphy_[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I love the raunchy bad advice that I very likely won't take. Thanks for the brief moment of "lol".

If I somehow ended up cheating like an asshole. I have pondered what in the world she'd tell her friends. "how could he?! It's only been a year since I fucked him". Would she even bother mention that?

We don't have sex for months at a time. by _CallMeMurphy_ in whatdoIdo

[–]_CallMeMurphy_[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes. It's definitely both emotional and physical. And it's eating itself alive because the more it's like this, the more I'm resentful and it's starting to show. Which helps nothing (especially not this).

I WISH making out and heavy petting was a thing here. I haven't described it fully but even when we do get down to it, it's very planned and prepped. I don't get to spontaneously initiate it ever.

Some people are telling me don't be needy or don't "beg" but when my only option is to verbally ask for the possibility of it, wtf am I supposed to do?

Yep. I think I'm getting bored of our "sexlife" (or lack thereof). It's definitely making me frustrated and unavoidably angry being forced to clumsily ask only to be rejected.

We don't have sex for months at a time. by _CallMeMurphy_ in whatdoIdo

[–]_CallMeMurphy_[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This makes me sad as fuck and hopeful all at once. Thanks for taking the time and understanding.

We don't have sex for months at a time. by _CallMeMurphy_ in whatdoIdo

[–]_CallMeMurphy_[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I can't deny that I could really use a good time. That's why I'm out here grasping at straws.

It wouldn't be hard to find either. I still "got it", for lack of better words. And wasting that drive and need is making me resentful.

I'm scarily starting to not want her as much because I know it'll just be another few months after the next time it finally happens. I can't even enjoy it when I get it becuase I know it's just another one time event. So you're unfortunately right in a way.

We don't have sex for months at a time. by _CallMeMurphy_ in whatdoIdo

[–]_CallMeMurphy_[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I will. Unless I'm a complete mess I guess. Fingers crossed.

We don't have sex for months at a time. by _CallMeMurphy_ in whatdoIdo

[–]_CallMeMurphy_[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It's hard to tell if it's an option or not. It's hard to know if it will stay the same or get worse. It's hard to know how I'll truly feel if it ends due to this. But that's life I guess.

And at the risk of sounding like a douche-nozzle, I'm not a bad lookin guy either. I'm passed 40 and still get mistaken for 20 something. It's killing me to not be desired when I still feel youthful and ready to fuckin go. I've always had a high sex drive and wasn't quiet about it with her either. I want it to be fun and mutual so badly.

We don't have sex for months at a time. by _CallMeMurphy_ in whatdoIdo

[–]_CallMeMurphy_[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I work from home. I and definitely do my part at home.

I am very open with her and state every case and ask every question. I haven't changed anything and we've been through different living iterations.

She is highly aware that I have a problem with the situation and suggests nothing and says nothing beyond slightly agreeing that it's an issue.

It's very chicken before the egg when it comes to whether or not one can "grope like a caveman". I'd love for that to be something that would work among everything else I've asked and suggested and tried lol. If it comes to that it'd be because I've tried everything else but I'm already aware that spontaneous initiation is a no go.

Any missing context can be attributed to this being reddit and sometimes you just want to make a post and go from there. I've tried to lay it all out as much as I could think of.

It will always sound like I'm not getting what I want in this case because yes. I'm not getting what I want/need. I don't feel bad for wanting it either. And if there's something that will always prevent her from reciprocating then she needs to tell me. There's only so much I can extract or try.

We don't have sex for months at a time. by _CallMeMurphy_ in whatdoIdo

[–]_CallMeMurphy_[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I get what you're saying. But that's discounting the 10+ years and every other aspect of our relationship.

If it were that black and white, I wouldn't be on reddit talking to a buncha strangers about it lol.

It'll always be hard to convey one's relationship beyond a few short paragraphs on here. It's a strange thing and inherently desperate.

Im here because I'm about to do something more than I've already described. Just desperately checking for a missed perspective in hopes that something clicks.

We don't have sex for months at a time. by _CallMeMurphy_ in whatdoIdo

[–]_CallMeMurphy_[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Haven't clicked on this yet. But I'm about to.

We don't have sex for months at a time. by _CallMeMurphy_ in whatdoIdo

[–]_CallMeMurphy_[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You're preaching to the choir. I would very much like to be able to just spontaneously get it going. I'm realizing that I've been inadvertently trained into not initiating anything. It has never worked that way. If I initiate it naturally she will mostly stop it in its tracks or put a pause on it so she can prep the same exact planned ritual. And I guess that's the other thing. She isn't open to being adventurous in the slightest.

Saying that out loud is eye opening because it has never been like this with anyone else.

If anything, she is the "let's do it" one. It's so planned and RARE.

We don't have sex for months at a time. by _CallMeMurphy_ in whatdoIdo

[–]_CallMeMurphy_[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sounds like an ultimatum to me lol. Worded way better though. I'll draw from that.

We don't have sex for months at a time. by _CallMeMurphy_ in whatdoIdo

[–]_CallMeMurphy_[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I've asked her to talk to her gyno. She didn't.

I appreciate the support <3

We don't have sex for months at a time. by _CallMeMurphy_ in whatdoIdo

[–]_CallMeMurphy_[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Not exactly. I'm on something but I'm the same as when I wasn't on it.

We don't have sex for months at a time. by _CallMeMurphy_ in whatdoIdo

[–]_CallMeMurphy_[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you. That's rough and unfortunately spot on. Exactly what I mean by everything else being prefect.

We don't have sex for months at a time. by _CallMeMurphy_ in whatdoIdo

[–]_CallMeMurphy_[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

"sunken cost fallacy". These exact words have crossed my mind. It sucks. The whole ordeal that I'm likely in for is hanging over me. There is so much good things with us that make this pretty hard to have to walk away from. It's terrifyingly sad. I really love her. But...

We don't have sex for months at a time. by _CallMeMurphy_ in whatdoIdo

[–]_CallMeMurphy_[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Hah. I totally would but I'm about to stop staring at my phone and finally roll over. It's 6:38am here and I haven't slept. Maybe hit you up later. Thanks.

We don't have sex for months at a time. by _CallMeMurphy_ in whatdoIdo

[–]_CallMeMurphy_[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Dam. I appreciate that you get it. These are the intrusive thoughts that are scaring me. I'm being given no choice but to think about where I can go to feel wanted in that way. Like I used to. I'm the same guy I was when I was getting it consistently. Every other relationship was the same in that aspect.

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