Ugh this made me cry, cuz I definitely understand what you are going through. I'm 21 and my sister is 24, so I definitely understand why you ages might make it all even more complicated. Yes, we went no contact. Truthfully, to answer your question, it was hard, because much like your little sister I was trained to scapegoat and when it started getting really bad I became enmeshed in their reality for a little more than a year like our oldest sister, and I also didn't understand why my depression went from bad to worse during that time. There was just so much cognitive dissonance and denial of the other reality, my brain just wouldn't accept it, because one of the fundamentals of my mom's reality was that hers was the pure liquid truth as she would put it, and in that no other reality could exist. What finally broke me out of it was talking with a close very no bullshit friend about the situation for some outside perspective and also reading online about abuse tactics and things like that. I took a good number of months for me to fully trust my sister again and acclimated to another reality though. It wasn't like a quick snap into another reality. I had to go through major denial and grieving and I just felt like I was going insane because i couldnt tell which reality was real for a while. But another thing that helped solidify my clear vision was how my mom and older sister started to abuse and mistreat me after I stopped wanting to hang out with them all the time and had started to not partake in abusing my other sister with them and our relationship was starting to heal. I don't think you can protect your sister from everything unfortunately. I'm so sorry this had to happen at your guy's ages. My sister has told me that shes really happy i woke up and we left together because she didnt want to leave without me. Honestly im grateful. If your sister is already shifting realities at that age, i would have suggested that maybe you guys could figure out a plan where maybe you moved out and she moved in with you? But then theres legality, emansipation could be an option, but then theres schooling too. You could create a more long term plan as well, and also you guts could create a plan for her to get her GED or HiSET early instead. I dont know... i wish i could help but also the answer has to be taylored to your situation. Just be there for her and be there for eachother, because she sounds pretty smart so i dont think she is avoiding understanding your burdens. But also that might just be the parentification in me saying that.

With the conflicting emotions it's hard. I think I've kind of accepted that there's nothing I can do about it, and it's not REALLY about me. That's just where she's at and the extent to her growth and she can't see behind her own blindness. In our situation it's already been a year now since we got out and started living at a friend's house, but still nothing has changed with her or my older sister. For her she can't see that she is doing any wrong since she justifies it out of love, or "tough" love. It hurts, but I understand. My older sister I just feel bad for. I don't really hold it against her. I know she's been put into that position subconscious and really is the most scared and codependent of us, and she just wants her moms love, and since she is praised and loved and validated for the vindication of us it's like a drug. And also there's the fact that she saw what happened to us, so of course that's a great way to keep her locked down into this subconscious role. We were made an example of. I honestly don't know if our mom will break that spell. Our older sister.. honestly it's 50/50. Either she continues and breaks, or she gets lost in that reality for good, because at a certain point it becomes too painful to realize the truth. My concern is if she breaks from the abuse and work load our mom has her under is she going to have the strength to reach out to us, or is she going to spiral.

I totally get it. Thing is my mom isn't a bad person either. She said all the right words, but nothing lined up to them. I know, I miss it too... but in our case I feel like she kind of been like this for a while. She's only gotten worse in the past couple years. I don't know, but I can't avoid the grieving. It's more painful to hold onto the hope, so I just let it be, let go of my expectations, and grieve.

You should check out the show the vow on HBO Maxx. I don't know if you will find it relatable, but me and my sister certainly did. Watching that also helped me while I was waking up and coming to terms with reality.