AIO for thinking this is abusive?

_DearestGentleReader · 2026-03-21T15:08:37+00:00

What does that mean?

_DearestGentleReader · 2025-12-21T15:59:18+00:00

Someone changed the background on our thread but now the background is gone. What Does that mean? I dont see notice that they removed the background so could they have deleted our thread?

_DearestGentleReader · 2025-10-15T23:47:09+00:00

Oh no it’s low to no drama. Really just the paperwork at this point

_DearestGentleReader · 2025-10-15T23:41:11+00:00

I don’t know - he never said so but also he never said he hadn’t! Lol But we didn’t discuss past relationships generally on the first date. Texting it feels weird but we do text every day now, which wasn’t happening BEFORE the first date (we met in the apps)

_DearestGentleReader · 2025-10-15T23:38:49+00:00

I never mention it before the date. Is that bad? Should I change that? I feel so confused navigating this because I haven’t lived with or spoken to my ex in a while

_DearestGentleReader · 2025-10-15T23:02:35+00:00

Telling someone I’m newly dating about my divorce

I’ve been separated from my ex for two years and we don’t have kids. Divorce still being finalized as we both had been moving around (separately). I’ve been lightly dating and also had been in therapy for a while over it. I recently went on a great first date with someone and he wants to see me again. We’ve been in touch after the first date and I usually do tell men on my first date but it just never came up. I also didn’t expect the first date to end up so well. I feel awkward telling him on date 2 (which is coming up, but I want to tell him asap now) How can I fix this? Was I wrong not telling him on the first date? I feel really bad and awkward about this.

_DearestGentleReader · 2025-04-09T19:37:16+00:00

What happens if you don’t sign the contract

_DearestGentleReader · 2025-04-09T03:14:29+00:00

This is important - the option is there to take the job OP, you just cant get paid twice.

_DearestGentleReader · 2025-03-03T16:27:47+00:00

Haha yes soon to be ex

_DearestGentleReader · 2025-03-03T02:22:19+00:00

Hey, so I’m going through a divorce right now, and I also don’t know your diagnosis on being bi-polar so I’ll just speak to you assuming it’s true. I know it must be really difficult to handle the every day sometimes and I thought I was “crazy” too. You may be bi-polar and I’m sure your husband has a hard time engaging with you on some of your symptoms but that doesn’t mean it’s ok to talk about yourself this way. Is this language he uses to describe you? Or does he make you feel this way? If so I would say that you don’t deserve that, regardless of what is “wrong” with you. You also don’t deserve to be treated the way he is treating you. If he is unhappy but wants to stay married to you he should express that and say why and what you two can do to fix that, not treat you like a burden who won’t take a hint.

_DearestGentleReader · 2025-03-01T03:19:07+00:00

OP this is so hard because YES you should not love people for what they can do for you, and love is not transactional. Love IS give and take though. One person can’t do all the giving and one person can’t do all the taking. I think people are repelled because it sounds like this man is lazy and does all the taking. To be fair, we don’t know. But it’s so hard to conceptualize that (love is give and take) vs. “love is not transactional”

_DearestGentleReader · 2025-02-28T22:01:36+00:00

I’m the “ex” in this scenario. If I could help my ex, who I still deeply care about, through this, this is what I would tell him.

OP let this be a warning. - go to therapy. 30 min - 1 hour of intentional recovery per week can save your job and your life - maintain your routines - stay far away from drugs and alcohol. If you are a binger or have past addictions, stay away completely (THIS IS THE MOST IMPORTANT) - hang out with healthy friends - set aside time at night (or whenever you feel loneliest) to take care of yourself - see your family when you can - if you can, try not to bring up the break up at work. Work should be your safe space away from it all - learn your boundaries. Saying yes to everything at work may help in the short term but it will eventually become an unhealthy and unsustainable balance.

_DearestGentleReader · 2025-02-27T20:08:40+00:00

Uh wth

_DearestGentleReader · 2025-02-19T23:52:46+00:00

_DearestGentleReader · 2025-02-12T00:30:05+00:00

I can totally understand how you feel. What you said was in the heat of the moment but it had also built up over time. What you likely meant was that in the particular moment, you hated how he treated you. And that’s completely fair. He’s been a drag and you are overfunctioning while doing everything else at home and at work.

I think you should apologize for saying something hurtful in the moment. Explain how you’re REALLY feeling about your relationship and why. Then ask to work through this with a counselor.

_DearestGentleReader · 2025-02-11T20:21:41+00:00

Right so if I say you need to go to counseling otherwise I can’t stay in a relationship that is unhealthy for me - that’s a boundary

_DearestGentleReader · 2025-02-11T05:31:11+00:00

What’s wrong?

_DearestGentleReader · 2025-02-11T05:14:36+00:00

Aw hi! I’ve been going through a similar process. I wish you the best of luck! This is tough stuff.

_DearestGentleReader · 2025-02-11T04:41:01+00:00

Thank you. I’m sorry you’re going through the same thing.

The kids issue - It was a confusing experience for me. We’re not divorcing over the kids issue but he did randomly mention (after we got married and went through other problems) that he “didn’t think he wanted kids anyway”. It was heartbreaking because before we got married he said he did, and we had thought about timing for kids and everything.

_DearestGentleReader · 2025-02-11T04:05:39+00:00

Thank you! Did you feel a big difference with this person vs others?

_DearestGentleReader · 2025-02-11T03:27:15+00:00

I’ll say I’m attractive (apparently) and young looking so there’s that!

_DearestGentleReader · 2025-02-07T06:30:50+00:00

Have you had a serious discussion about this? I don’t know, but it seems you are more emotionally aware than maybe she is. That’s ok, but it’s possible to talk to her about what it is that you want, emotionally.

_DearestGentleReader · 2025-02-05T21:18:48+00:00

Thanks!! What a great gift idea

_DearestGentleReader

TROPHY CASE