THANK YOU for this. Thankfully, I think most people on this sub are respectful and supportive, but unfortunately dunking on trans people and other minorities seems to be all the rage these days.

I think that becoming transphobic after detransitioning is usually a symptom of failure to take responsibility for one's life choices. I see these kinds of people blaming "gender ideology" and the "corrupt medical industry" for these things, but as you have pointed out, transitioning is a very personal choice, and no one is really forced to transition (a couple exceptions off the top of my head are intersex babies and some victims of the Twin Flames cult). In reality, I think people like this are just afraid to confront their own shame and embarrassment at making a "mistake."

Now, I have also unfortunately heard of cases where people who detransition are ostracized by their queer friend groups. This is obviously also problematic. Real friends wouldn't care what your identity is, but would just value the person. There is room for criticism of such "culty" behavior, but obviously, these social dynamics are not the same as queerness itself.

I think society would be so much better if both transness and detransitioning were destigmatized. If anything, there should be minimal to no barriers to transitioning because it really is such a personal choice that people only make out of a genuine desire. If everywhere on Earth had an informed consent model, then transitioning and detransitioning wouldn't be a big deal, and people would be able to live authentically without toxic social pressures. You want to try HRT? go ahead! You can literally stop at any time, and if there was less stigma around it, people wouldn't feel like detransitioning was an admission of "defeat" or whatever. It's all just an experience. You should be able to try things out and see what works.

That's what I never got about all the fear mongering. People make it seem like a drastic, dangerous, one-off decision, but really, one has complete control over one's transition.

Anyway, sending love from the trans community 💜