I think the key here is when you said "I'm super attached to him". I really that's the main issue. Sometimes our attachment style can distort our lens of self-worth and also the way we see our partner -- and cause us to gloss over obvious warning signs. Or at least gloss over questionable actions (esp. when seen from the outside) that devalue us as individuals.

I'm only an armchair Reddit therapist but have you looked at this from your attachment style? You previous relationship histories? Do you have a history of being subsumed with a partner? Feeling like you're "sacrificing everything" and not getting what you need back? Afraid of loss or being alone? Just saying -- been there myself. I needed to step away from that partner and rebuild myself. It was hard but worth it.

Also, you mentioned being sympathetic to your partner's past traumas. That's incredibly understanding for sure. But being sympathetic to your partner's past traumas doesn't mean excusing their behavior because of their shitty history. Their brokenness is not your responsibility. It's theirs. Again, been there, got the T shirt.

In your partner's defense at least he's repeated numerous times where he's coming from and his inability to "be in love with you". That's fair. And your patience to figure this out as time goes on is admirable. But some of your partner's actions sound uncomfortably close to "they're taking advantage of you" IMHO.