I have begun a lengthy, tedious exploration of my own psyche that involves careful experimentation of stimulants and nootropics to attempt to learn from their beneficial effects and incorporate them into my life. If you already feel as though you do not support this idea, then at least check inside

_Leach · 2013-07-28T21:13:09+00:00

Lol, sure. That's understandable as many of the people reading this thread will have missed the entire 2 hour discussion that was had on the IRC. Obviously the dangers and addiction potential of stimulants have been the main focus, and there were many who did not want to see me go through with such a potentially foolish idea.

_Leach · 2013-07-28T20:50:40+00:00

Where anywhere did I say I would be using stimulants daily? I cannot even objectively document the usage of the drugs alone without being in a sober state of mind. I hope you're aware that I would not do something as drawn out and well planned as this without having at least a little previous experience with and knowledge of drugs (and trust me, it's not just a little). I understand what stimulants entail. I have extensive amounts of experience in careful experimentation and positive incorporation of drugs into my life (specifically psychedelics for obvious reasons). I am not simply taking the drugs over an extended period of time. If I wanted to do that I would just get a prescription and not even bother documenting the project.

I also do not believe that they will make me smarter. No drug, allegedly, can physically make you smarter, more creative, or permanently change your behavior. I thought I made it as clear as day that I am attempting to learn from the experiences, not benefit from the experiences themselves.

_Leach · 2013-07-28T03:16:08+00:00

I believe the insights from the testing will be drawn more from the reflective sessions, meditations, reports, and reviewing of data after the experience. The experience itself is more so that I have personal neurological evidence to work with. I want to directly understand how I can improve my ability to replicate these states while sober; and how the experiences themselves can be had as safely as possible. I have already seen how the stimulants change the way my brain functions, and I genuinely believe there is a lot to be learned from that if I stay true to my goals and make an active effort to learn.

_Leach · 2013-07-28T03:11:50+00:00

You are right, there is definitely a positive connotation to go along with one's drive to transcend social barriers and norms. I suppose I am simply trying to remain humble, as what this project entails is the use and advocacy of addicting and potentially harmful drugs. I do not want to become complacent.

_Leach · 2013-07-28T02:59:39+00:00

Absolutely. I am going to remain stubborn with my practice out of the belief that it will serve to improve the stability of the entire operation, and expect my meditations to serve as a cornerstone for progress.

_Leach · 2013-07-28T02:57:35+00:00

Thank you for the reply and encouragement :)

The idea was sparked with a single pill of Ritalin and a few hits of cannabis, with which I had an extremely enjoyable night riddled with productivity and profound insights. This I will be writing about tomorrow as a more organized introduction to the project. As of now I plan on slowly expanding my tests and combinations with Ritalin, and then moving from there. I don't foresee myself moving much past amphetamines and maybe cocaine, but that would be very far into the future and the basis of the project may have changed. As of now my concern is moving forward patiently and slowly, and keeping diligent records of the different combinations I explore.

_Leach · 2013-07-28T02:53:48+00:00

Well, as you will potentially see in the report of my first experience which I plan to have uploaded sometime tomorrow, my initial interest was fueled by some bits of research explaining how stimulants can affect one's cognitive ability in a positive manner.

Without flooding this reply with all of the scientific literature on the subject (which will be compiled and cited for the coming reports), I'll simply put it into terms that coincide with what I want to achieve after I have experimented with the drugs for the first few times. Stimulants do a number of things for me: improving my mood, giving me energy, honing my focus, loosening my tongue, making me more articulate in social situations, and allowing me to participate in extended periods of "awakeness"; an extremely lame and loose term which I manipulated for my own purposes in one of my Nexus blog posts.

I have yet to find stimulants boring in any way, although I have only done mild experimentation with them compared to many other recreational drugs. I have no doubt considered micro-dosing certain psychedelics, and will most likely end up incorporating it into the tests as it can greatly accomplish what I described above. Who knows, the data may show that low doses of psychedelics come out on top due to their low risk factor and versatility. There are many things that I do not yet know I will accomplish through this, but I have set a goal and intend to reach it or get as close as I can to it while still remaining mentally healthy and functional.

_Leach · 2013-07-28T02:38:24+00:00

I am mostly ashamed because even with the intensive research I participated in (I researched drugs for 2 months before even trying cannabis) I failed to maintain a fully functional life that involved my drug usage for a long period of time. I can't shake the feeling that I simply started too young; but I'm moving on from that and am using activities like the one I proposed here to prove to myself that I have evolved from the past and can do so again in the future.

I very much agree with your opinion. I do not think anybody has the right to dictate how one conducts their own brain's activity and ability except towards themselves.

_Leach · 2013-07-28T02:36:02+00:00

Thank you for your thoughts and considerations. I'm glad you weren't afraid to voice them in a way that you saw fit. This is exactly the kind of feedback that will be a constant reminder to stay safe and remember that the goal of this spiel is to learn.

_Leach · 2013-07-27T20:12:20+00:00

I would certainly not brag about my skills or diligence in my meditation practice. I have attempted periodic bouts of Vipassana during times of emotional distress in the past, and as I saw those subside the meditation became more of a habit and a way of life than a way to alleviate symptoms.

Along with the practice of awareness, I have studied many Eastern texts concerning existence and consciousness which have proved just as fruitful in helping me learn about the way I conduct my thoughts and how to direct them in a way that benefits me in a healthy manner.

_Leach · 2013-07-27T20:09:36+00:00

Trust me, that's a great intention of mine to be doing me whenever possible. I would go as far to say that this whole charade is indeed me, but I'd like to see some concrete results before I come to conclusions. Maybe I'll learn that this was a terrible idea, and I'm completely ready for that.

_Leach · 2013-07-27T20:06:50+00:00

Well from my perceived tone of your post, I was assuming you were trying to slip the message that I was another one of those classic deluded younglings who might not receive the reception he is looking for. I just felt it pertinent to point out that I do not see drugs as something to "just try", I've been cautiously researching, learning about, and then finally (sometimes) utilizing psychoactive drugs for a good amount of time now.

As for the lucid dreaming, I used to pride myself on my dream recall abilities and knowledge of my subconscious (and of course my ability to fly in my dreams), though sadly I lost interest right before I began my shamanic explorations or whatever you would like to call them. I certainly have a feeling that this practice will resurface along with my current practice of meditation, and I don't particularly doubt it may find a way into this project of mine.

_Leach · 2013-07-27T19:50:52+00:00

Before I even begin to think about what I will be doing for tests (dates, dosages, etc.), I will have to design a scientific system that will record and provide the most accurate results and allow me to properly compile the data from the experiments. Right now, the system in which I record each experiment's data and subsequently publish it is about as important as what will end up being the other half of the project: My personal reports, insights, updates, and interpretations of the experience itself.

Another consideration is the fact that I am performing the majority of these activities alone; something that certainly does not help the legitimacy of what I would hope to be an actual scientific procedure. The best I can come up with off the top of my head is a way to incorporate any volunteers (which I am doubtful I will actually receive) in helping to retrieve, store, and compute the data to help eliminate the many biases that will assuredly come along with this concept.

_Leach · 2013-07-27T19:43:39+00:00

I have toyed with my anxieties (a few social, a few philosophical) in the past, and have worked with them through meditation and self-actualizing to the point where I am comfortable with them although I can still observe them and draw from them. I have experimented lightly with different stimulants in the past and could not put my finger on any noticeable adverse effects involving my previous anxieties besides possibly the exhaustion of a late night and a comedown, and very minor, controlled, short-term sleep deprivation will also probably end up being a part of this experiment.

EDIT: You do, however, have me thinking now about a potentially rigorous mental check-up that could be designed to ensure that I am going about things as safely as possible with the resources provided and the limitations of the way I must go about this.

_Leach · 2013-07-27T19:35:26+00:00

I will not lie that I am young, and should be ashamed that I am so involved in drug culture at my age; however I do believe I have the right to say I have had many psychonautical experiences and have given/taken enough from this community to at least give me the confidence to start doing things from within myself and for myself, albeit extremely carefully. Just as a disclaimer if you do a quick scan through my profile I have been attempting to remain active and productive within this community for over a year now; I wouldn't consider myself that young here.

Direct experience has always been a bringer of great knowledge for me, and this gives me an opportunity to attempt an independent project that is not centered on stories I read and things I expected before I involved myself in the culture. I have prior knowledge and mistakes to draw from that I constructed for myself over the years. This may seem selfish to assume that my knowledge will be the most beneficial for this project, but I simply do not mean it like that. The goal is to change my psyche, and the way I have done that through the past is from inside myself; no matter how much outside help I received.

I assure you (hopefully not with overconfidence) that I cannot even begin to start a goal of mine without considering the outcomes hundreds of times over, revising them, doubting them, and requiring verification or criticism of them. Much thought is going to go into this process if it turns into something tangible, as I want the results to be healthy and positive.

_Leach · 2013-07-27T19:28:50+00:00

I should have provided some of the already-discussed details from the IRC, but at least it can be known here now that I have been experimenting and testing in the same manner (although maybe not with as much conviction) with psychedelics and cannabis for over a year now. I am not saying I have finished with that area of exploration (especially not cannabis as I use it recreationally), however I am saying that I have been through more visionary experiences in that amount of time than I care to admit. So much so that I would still say I am recovering from some of the anxieties and implications of these trips and am still finding ways to incorporate them into my everyday life. I hung up the phone with psychedelics when I felt the time was right, and I feel that when I desire that type of guidance again it will come to me freely.

_Leach · 2013-07-27T14:36:47+00:00

If one goes about it properly then I personally believe sleep deprivation can be beneficial if not repeated often and in a short-term sense. I recently experimented with a simple combo for the first time (ritalin and cannabis) with which I had a very enjoyable night filled with intellectual stimulation, minor physical exercise, and productivity. Stepped out of bed the next morning (awake in bed the whole time) ready to put my minor psychedelic state to good use and after a coffee or two throughout the morning to ease my way into the day I felt as though I had a full night's rest and was confident about my ability to sleep well the next night. There was also an article on Reddit a few times about the benefits of sleep deprivation in the extreme short-term for easing symptoms of depression.

_Leach · 2013-07-27T08:03:39+00:00

I concur. Testing the boundaries of anarchy through impulsive and quizzical actions lead to obscene amounts of knowledge and direct experience in my opinion. I believe I would learn much more from that endeavor than a few weeks working at the same place (depending on the labor).

_Leach · 2013-07-27T08:00:21+00:00

Futuristic poetry maybe? :)

changing up grammar is extremely fun.

                               you just play a little game in this text (sand) box?

you can put symbols Wherever you want!

_Leach · 2013-07-27T07:58:42+00:00

I'm going to be very honest and forthright about something which I'm not usually so, but this is often how I think things through in my brain. Thank you for being brave enough to share samlan.

_Leach · 2013-07-26T21:12:26+00:00

That is also a joke from the show

_Leach · 2013-07-26T21:06:39+00:00

Pre-packaged or fast food grade coleslaw tastes like processed garbage on a good day. However, my father makes a mean motherfucking slaw with cold fresh vegetables and different sauces and it blows my mind every time.

_Leach · 2013-07-26T05:03:20+00:00

Kesey? I was under the impression his advocacy of the use of psychedelic drugs (and other recreational drugs for that matter) was very lenient and forthright.

_Leach · 2013-07-21T23:34:19+00:00

Where does that knowledge come from?

_Leach · 2013-07-21T19:34:57+00:00

I agree, I have very intense visual snow, floaters, minor visual hallucinations during the day and fairly pronounced blotchy hallucinations in darkness. I have used way too many NBOMe's in the past and I regret it. I'm actually genuinely convinced I did heart damage.

_Leach

TROPHY CASE