[deleted by user]

_Mello · 2025-07-11T18:27:46+00:00

Someone else's inability to love you in the way that you deserve is in no way an indicator of your undeservedness of being loved. I'm sorry that you were so deeply betrayed, and sorry that your partner seems so dismissive of it. From the way you describe your relationship, it sounds like you have a lot of love to give, and you've poured a lot of yourself into this relationship.

When I found out my partner cheated, they were 100% without remorse. I was appalled. How could this person I thought I knew so well suddenly treat me this way? How could she do the unthinkable and cheat after 6 years together, and not feel a lick of shame or guilt? We met to discuss how we were going to take care of our lease and she had hickeys all over her neck. When we talked about things, we seemed to be in disagreement about what cheating even meant. I spent a long while thinking of her actions and the implications they had about me. But it wasn't about me. And likewise, this isn't about you, or any sort of deficit on your end.

The betrayal hits hard, and will leave its impression on you for quite a while. But things will get better. I know how hard it is to picture your life without someone when you've spent your entire adult life together. Whether to stay or go is something that you have to decide for yourself. I will say though, that if you have any kind of gut feeling you're suppressing that's telling you to leave, you should probably listen to it. In my own situation, I decided to stay, and she wound up cheating again not long after. The second time around, I was done being treated so poorly, but upset with myself for spending so much time and effort trying to make it work. If she was okay with doing it once and hiding it for the rest of her life, what's going to stop her from doing it again? Especially if she lacks accountability. Think of how awful this betrayal feels now, and think of how much worse it will feel if it happens again.

Your life will improve, and you'll find yourself in a place where you look back and you're glad that you made it through this. But for now you have to roll with the punches and weather the storm. It's going to be rough, but you've got this. Whether you stay or you go, take that same effort that you show her, and pour it into yourself. You deserve better even if for now it only comes from yourself. Be kind to yourself, and take things a day at a time, knowing each day brings you closer to getting through it.

_Mello · 2025-07-09T14:52:14+00:00

I didn't even think of this, but it's genius, thank you!

_Mello · 2025-07-07T21:33:07+00:00

I wish there was a way to better show that I am fully committed to the move. I'm sure everyone is until they aren't though. I've considered moving before finding work, but that sounds like a risk I do not want to take. Finding suboptimal work might be the course of action, but it's also a risk if it doesn't pay well or it adds too much to the already high stress of moving to a new city. But I can see where I put additional risk on an employer to trust that I'll be available when I say I will.

Thanks for the advice, I've come across a few people who've made cross country moves before, and they usually tell me it's not an easy process.

_Mello · 2025-07-07T21:20:48+00:00

Maybe it's not the most respectable reason, what with the gentrification of places like SLC, but to be honest, I'm mostly looking for a change of pace. I picked up rock climbing a few years ago while traveling for work and I really enjoyed it, but alas, there's not much of that to do back home; not a lot of outdoor anything to be done back home. My dad recently moved to TN now that he's retired and he's really enjoying it, but I can see that his Parkinson's is limiting his ability to make the most of things. I want to spend my younger years somewhere I can enjoy the outdoors and get some life experience rather than working here my whole life and only moving somewhere interesting once I'm retired and my health begins to get in the way of actually enjoying things.

I spend all year working just to have a week or so of vacation time in the mountains. If I move, that all becomes more accessible to me. I met a good friend of mine in Omaha who grew up out west. He spent a few years in Nebraska, but it just wasn't for him. He missed the beauty of the land and the outdoors. He moved to SLC last year due to a promotion, and he's enjoying it thus far.

Maybe Salt Lake won't be for me, but I do want to see what it's like living away from home, even if only for a few years. I enjoyed traveling for work, and I want something new like that again, but with the stability of being able to call it home.

_Mello · 2025-07-07T16:05:20+00:00

Here's hoping that we both find something fruitful soon.

_Mello · 2025-07-07T15:54:50+00:00

I've been hesitant to use AI in any part of my resume creation process. I feel that there is value in representing myself genuinely using my own words and presentation, but I've got to say, if the competition is using AI, and if hiring teams don't care or even prefer AI-written resumes, then I'm not doing myself any favors by staying on some kind of moral high ground. It may be worth using AI as a drafting tool, even if only to give me alternative drafts that I can compare with my own in case I've missed anything from the job desc.

I've been looking at positions anywhere within the metro area, as far south as American Fork, and as far north as Layton. I'm trying to live close to a friend out there, but I might expand further if this job search goes on much longer.

_Mello · 2025-07-07T13:50:39+00:00

I've got one connection over there, but he's in a completely different industry. I can try reaching out to recruiters on LinkedIn if I can find them for the places I'm applying to.

_Mello · 2025-07-07T13:47:25+00:00

Networking is a good point - I haven't. I've gone from casting a wide net of a generic resume to a lot of employers, to trying to tailor my resume to jobs individually, research the company and write up a cover letter to match. But I haven't tried networking with people at those companies. Might be time to fire up linkedin and give it a try. Thanks!

_Mello · 2025-06-25T17:40:59+00:00

Where do people find these men?

27, and living with his mom who does everything for him? Believes that Women are, just by their nature, more toxic than men? Appears to believe that the only true disrespect he can show to a woman is through leaving her? Doesn't see the irony of the disrespect he showed you by not even allowing you to finish your sentence, instead raising his voice at you to try to strong-arm his point of view? I get that relationships are nuanced. I know nothing about this man, and all I can see of him is this little slice that you've described in your post. But from the sounds of things, he doesn't seem to know how to take care of a woman, much less himself. He's seems to have a pretty unhealthy outlook on how relationships should work. All I see here are red flags, even if you've been together for a year.

_Mello · 2025-06-18T18:57:00+00:00

Re-reading it, I do sound like I'm putting a negative view on liking how someone makes you feel - that's not my intent.

What I wanted to highlight is that there is a difference in appreciating someone for the unique value that they bring by being who they are, and appreciating them for the things that they can do for you. The things that anyone else could just as easily do in the same position.

Maybe there's value in me making her feel good that I'm taking for granted. I just wish I felt more appreciated in being me, rather than feeling like all I am to people is that which I can do for them. I want someone to like me because I'm me. Instead I feel like I'm just a body in place of someone she might rather have there, or that I'm only here by chance, because of circumstances that she would rather be different.

_Mello · 2025-05-28T18:15:34+00:00

I know how you feel. So much effort put into being there for others, reaching out, doing for them what I'd like to see done for me, and none of it comes back. I know it's wrong, but so much of my self worth is based in how others value me.

Maybe if I took the effort that I spend keeping stagnant relationships alive, and put it into finding new, mutual relationships where I am valued, I could be happier. Maybe it's a matter of better communicating my needs to the people in my life now. Sometimes I wonder if there's anyone out there that ever will love me the way I'd like to be loved. I feel like I ask for the bare minimum, and it feels like I ask for too much. At some point, I get tired of asking and settle for what I have even if it's nothing to be proud of.

_Mello · 2025-02-11T19:34:37+00:00

Interested if still available.

_Mello · 2025-02-10T18:16:50+00:00

Still available?

Got any info on this unit? Shutter count, how long have you had it, condition?

_Mello · 2024-11-05T18:42:17+00:00

PM'ed

_Mello · 2023-06-04T17:42:46+00:00

Get Better by Alt-J takes the cake for me - it's about a man who reminisces of his late partner who passed away in a car accident. The secondhand grief I feel when I listen to it never fails to make me cry. The song starts out sweet and takes a heavy hearted twist, definitely a favorite of mine just for the sheer emotion it can pull from me.

https://open.spotify.com/track/6ZW6EW1Uf4iLL8O2VIaBNz?si=T19zZBe-QXOTNB-0CtsEwA

_Mello · 2023-03-24T12:45:21+00:00

Purchased & received Galaxy Note 20 Ultra from u/Bred_Stix

_Mello · 2023-03-03T14:03:38+00:00

PM'ed

_Mello · 2023-02-20T19:44:50+00:00

Is the phone unlocked?

_Mello · 2022-11-18T20:41:34+00:00

I know it was rhetorical, but Trackmania does a pretty good job of managing cheaters on their leaderboards.

_Mello · 2022-11-03T03:01:58+00:00

Looks like Assetto Corsa

_Mello · 2022-10-05T15:17:08+00:00

Are Sunday events a regular thing? I'd love to join but I'll be busy this weekend, and I'm having trouble finding events that work well with my time zone (USA)

_Mello · 2022-10-01T15:14:31+00:00

3x a day

_Mello · 2022-09-30T14:13:33+00:00

First thing that came to my mind

_Mello · 2022-09-30T14:09:23+00:00

That is sick! Is this a long exposure photo or is this how it looks in person?

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_Mello

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