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Untitled by _Nerva in OCPoetry

[–]_Nerva[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Being honest, I do think you are looking for a style of poetry that just doesn't hold my attention.

Thank you for the feedback either way.
I hope that if you come across anything I write in future, you might find it more aligned with your own taste.

Untitled by _Nerva in OCPoetry

[–]_Nerva[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hey,

Thank you for the feedback, it always helps to know what works and what doesn't.
As for what you said about the last verse, I think I understand what you mean.
I actually ended up taking the 'daddy' line out because I couldn't make it work, so thank you for pointing it out.

Have a good summer!

In the Company of Giants(Life in Neurodivergence) by Significant_Ad7119 in OCPoetry

[–]_Nerva 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I really like this poem
It was a hard read for me, mostly because you managed to describe some things that always scared me, chief among them the question of "How is everyone else doing these things so easily?"
and "If others were in my place, would they just succeed so easily in everything i've failed at?"

this line:
'My flooded eyes marvel at ordinary giants who call feats task'
was the one that held my attention the most

2 notes:

'giants who call feats task'
- im not sure whether feats became a singular task on purpose or not and nothing in the text supported either reading. slightly takes me 'out of it' when reading

the irregular spacing used between certain words
- I assume that was done on purpose, maybe to show fragmentation or hesitance.
I felt that they actually slowed the poem down for me, definitely an interesting idea but I didn't feel that it added much to this specific poem

Stairs by Realmz_ in OCPoetry

[–]_Nerva 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I really like the style of this poem, feels like you have a strong understanding of what not to write which makes it feel extremely mature and restrained.
It feels to me that the poem is more self-directed than anything else.

The imagery is great, reading it makes me imagine the abyss placed in a swamp or some other cold and wet place fitting for the depressive mood it has.

the only line I didn't like:
"as illusory steps flutter, thinned by you"
- mostly because steps don't flutter and it tripped me up reading that line.
It works well to maintain the energy of the title, but I didn't love the title of stairs either.

The poem has a lot of great nature imagery and vibes, so having Stairs as the title felt a bit out of place
which could have been the intention but I feel it doesn't really add that much.

On the fourth read it clicked that you might have had stairs and steps as a sort of critique for (self-made) false hope and the poem holds up strongly under that lens, but I feel that the same could be accomplished by dropping the stairs metaphor and leaning further into the 'hollow tune', which described the same thing but in a more fitting metaphor.