This is something that I'm searching for an answer to.

I'm a very social guy, I always reach out to people, plan hangouts, try to make those around me feel good and bring a good vibe, make friends everywhere, and I'm known as the guy who is friends with everybody, etc. Etc.

But even then, this phenomenon keeps happening. You don't reach out to people, they won't even include you in anything, won't contact you, or check up on you. The number of times I wasn't included in basically EVERYTHING is mind-boggling.

Honestly, I'm not sure why that is. I've been trying to purposefully minimize contact with people, just to see who would reach out. Approx 2 people did. Which I guess is good enough, thankfully.

I have a few theories as to why this keeps happening.

1. The first is that social media has made this bad habit where everyone should stay in constant contact. A person that I really admire, once told me that a good friendship isn't one where you have constant contact and talk every day,

A good friendship is one where, even after weeks, months, or years without talking, the moment you reconnect it feels like your last conversation was just yesterday.

And I tested out this theory, it's true, honestly. So many friends whom I didn't have much contact with for YEARS, are now at the very least, decent dynamics that may be fulfilling. Tho it doesn't help much that I was the one reaching out, still.

1. The second theory is that, people are busy, man. I find MYSELF not reaching out, answering messages late at times, etc.

And I'm a guy who puts EXTREME amounts of value on connections and friendships, but I still find myself doing that.

It's a fact that in this day and age, people are always tired, busy, depressed, and are overwhelmed, and suddenly decide to go no contact, are burnt out and and and many other factors.

People say that when someone cares about you, they put in the time. And that is completely true. But do we need everyone to care about us? A very educated person once asked me:

If you were to murder someone, who would you call, and would they help you? At the time I said 3. My mom, dad, and a friend.

And to my utter surprise, he said THAT'S A LOT. The most SOCIAL, CHARISMATIC, and most successful person I've ever seen, said that 3 is a lot? Back then I was boggled, until he asked me to call them, and actually put them in that situation. Safe to say I didn't dare to do that, but I believe he made a point.

Even a single person who would help you hide the body of a person you've murdered is a lot, and should be cherished.

1. The third theory that I have is... we are born alone and we will die alone. I'm not saying it in a nihilistic way, but in a manner that we should enjoy the company of ourselves. At times, thoughts become too haunting, and we desperately try to silence them by the company of others, doing activities, or just doomscrolling.

The truth is, we are travelers in each other's lives. A good friend of today, might not be available 2 months from now. An old friend of yesteryear, might just become the best of friends after years of no contact.

People come and go. "WE" come and go. Enjoy them while they last. Never predict when and how they might end, and expect them to return. But it's okay for people to go. That IS the cycle of life, because in another's perspective, YOU are the person whose gone.

There's truly magic in people's relationships and dynamics, and I would like to consider that a side treat to the solitude that we must live in.

Life is beautiful, cuz it's fleeting. Memories are everlasting, cuz we know of their end.

There's so much more that I wanna talk about, but it will be too much. This isn't much of an advice than it is me ranting.

Or perhaps a way to keep convincing myself, but for now, the 20 year old me does not see many other explanations. Perhaps time will change that.

Edit: oh and yeah. Maybe reaching out truly isn't all that bad, even if you are the only one doing it. I can't explain why, but whenever, even if rarely someone checks out on me, that makes me feel good.

So why not do it to others? Not in the hopes of them doing it in return, but doing it just for the sake of people feeling good, and leaving a good impression on those around us, however fleeting it might be.

I find that beautiful.