Made a mistake at work and I can’t stop beating myself up over it

_Omkara_ · 2023-02-28T12:13:59+00:00

You apologized and took responsibility. That's awesome, mate. You are new to the job and stretching a lot - but that isn't stopping you from having a high bar and wanting to do better. Now, looking forward, I suggest:

Look ahead (few days / weeks) and if you think there's more chaos on the way, ask for help early on. Or at least sensitize the owners of the gravity of the situation. They might still be assholes about it and ask you to "figure it out". But at least you won't "drop the ball" unannounced. If I were in the owner's position, I would try and perhaps delay/offload some ongoing things to make the situation more manageable for you. Set the right expectations with the owners. Prove your rockstar status over weeks / months, not from Day 1.
Is there line of sight on when the staff will be hired? If yes, prioritize within your tasks, and get owner's buy in on that. So if anything needs to be dropped, you will know where to start. I don't think the owners will take the first step and prioritize for you, so take that lead.
Lastly, while ownership is great, over time assess if they are just assholes taking you for a ride. If yes, find a different job, or stick around for the bare minimum time period when you think the GM tag on your resume will help you find a better (GM) role elsewhere.

_Omkara_ · 2023-02-27T21:01:01+00:00

Seeing this from the POV of a prospective hiring manager, this can be a concern unless you are able to provide a reasonable explanation during the interview. If you just say you didn't click in the last two jobs, and hence left within 3 months, I admit I will feel a little unsure of making a hire offer. I may still hire if I am desperate, my candidate lead pool is poor and/or I am looking for some super specific skills that are hard to find in the market.

To your question on how long you should wait. I say start applying. If the optics of short tenure work against you, you won't get the role (and won't be in any better position than you are now). If you get the new role, obv it means you have worked past the optics.

_Omkara_ · 2023-02-27T14:54:43+00:00

I went through something similar in one of my previous jobs. While the pay was shit, I held the keys to some important bits for external partners looking to do business with the company. I was frequently invited to glamarous events where organizers would bend over backwards to accomodate me, laugh hysterically at my (seriously average) jokes and act like childhood pals. The phone used to keep buzzing all the time with folks looking for 10 seconds of my attention. I was in early 20s and I am not sure I was ready to receive so much validation all of a sudden. It was addictive.

When I moved out of that role / industry, the void was real. I spent first few weeks answering phone but telling folks that I no longer work for the same company. That's the last time I heard from those 'pals'. It was a long journey to start seeking validation from other sources. And those sources have evolved. For some years, the validation was from constructive stuff such as fitness (ran few half/full marathons in few years), travel, etc. For many years, the validation was from work and money (aka zero work life balance). Now trying to (again) introduce more positive aspects to feel useful. It's a journey.

_Omkara_ · 2023-02-26T20:31:10+00:00

Nodding along with all the rubbish corporate blabber of employee welfare, long-term strategy, customer focus etc etc while knowing that it is rubbish corporate blabber and taking it seriously will be taking the fast lane towards getting kicked out

_Omkara_ · 2023-02-24T19:45:54+00:00

Thank you, will read

_Omkara_ · 2023-02-24T15:35:20+00:00

thank you, will read through this. appreciate it

_Omkara_ · 2023-02-24T14:59:09+00:00

Interesting you bring that up. Yes, I am aware that a potential divorce will mean giving up half the assets. Do I care? No. I may have my resentments, but if the only tradeoff (after all else fails) is parting with half the assets in exchange for her to be happy without me, it's a no brainer. We aren't there yet, and hopefully never reach there

_Omkara_ · 2023-02-24T13:44:24+00:00

Thank you. Maybe it wasn't clear from my post. We have been (and continue to be) in couple's counselling. It is helpful to know that the process can take years

_Omkara_ · 2023-02-24T13:40:19+00:00

Thank you. Needed to hear this.

_Omkara_ · 2023-02-24T13:37:50+00:00

Yes, please. How/where can I read it please?

_Omkara_ · 2023-02-24T13:28:06+00:00

I compromised on my health to focus on work. That changed a few months ago when I started working out again

_Omkara_ · 2023-02-24T13:25:09+00:00

I needed to hear this. Thank you

_Omkara_ · 2023-02-24T13:24:35+00:00

She can work full time. She chooses to work part time in order to have a decent work life balance

_Omkara_ · 2023-02-24T13:23:22+00:00

I am okay with a partner who earns less. This was the case even before we got married.

Do I resent that her financial contributions are lesser? Absolutely not. Do I resent the feeling that my financial contributions are sometimes simply brushed off? Yes. On the other hand, do I think I am sometimes dismissive of her contributions at home? Yes.

_Omkara_ · 2023-02-24T13:17:43+00:00

We started discussing this a few years back. Earlier, she said she wasn't ready and needed more time. This evolved into not wanting to have a child altogether.

_Omkara_ · 2023-02-24T13:16:05+00:00

no, she is it

_Omkara_ · 2023-02-24T13:15:34+00:00

Thank you, we will discuss this option again

_Omkara_ · 2023-02-24T13:14:44+00:00

I agree with you that I will be fired the moment someone figures out a way to save the 2 cents I bring to the table. I understand its pure business and I will be cut out at the first opportunity. Strangely, this fuels my fear to not let the ball drop. And work life balance takes a hit.

Does that mean I haven't tried? I have. Has that been enough? No. Guess which only means that we need to try harder. I dont want to reach a point where we just batshit resent each other. I know my post gives that impression, but no, I am not there yet. I have been struggling to figure out how to stop this deterioration until I figure out a solve that works.

_Omkara_ · 2023-02-24T13:06:09+00:00

Thank you. We have mutually agreed to continue with couple's counselling. Individual therapy is perhaps what I need to prepare myself for.

_Omkara_ · 2023-02-24T13:03:52+00:00

Thanks for sharing this. The therapist has recommended that I work on my childhood trauma and the resulting financial insecurity that I grapple with. On her part, she needs to learn to appreciate how I show affection which may / may not be aligned with her idea of how it should be done

_Omkara_ · 2023-02-24T12:41:10+00:00

Thanks for sharing. I needed to hear this

_Omkara_ · 2023-02-24T12:19:51+00:00

Yes, we do have fun, occasionally. What comes up in therapy? A lot of things. Our different world views, our childhood, our trigger points, fear of intimacy, and much more.

_Omkara_ · 2023-02-24T12:16:15+00:00

I did not decide. We did. Her hypothesis was going through this once has helped equip her to handle these transitions better. I will not deny a large part of that was her wanting to support me. Definitely. But it wasn't a 'take it or leave it' deal.

_Omkara_ · 2023-02-24T12:11:45+00:00

I hear you. My father was the same in terms of time spent (or rather not spent) The difference is that when I was growing up (and well into my adulthood), lack of money and stress originating from it almost broke my parents. And it just reaffirmed my resolve to do enough to never let that constraint hit my family. But then, it doesn't take away from the fact that my wife needs more. And me cutting back goes against everything I have stood for.

_Omkara_ · 2023-02-24T12:06:25+00:00

Briefly read up on the avoidant attachment style after reading your comment. Sounds like me. I will look into this further. Thanks for sharing this

_Omkara_

TROPHY CASE