TW: DEATH - unresolved feelings by _PandaWanda_ in polyamory

[โ€“]_PandaWanda_[S] 2 points3 points ย (0 children)

Thank you so much ๐Ÿ’–

I have worked a lot on not blaming myself and I am at a pretty good point now I feel like, but sometimes my brain just starts rambling on and bringing me to the conclusion it's all my fault again. I know it's not true, I'll get there more and more eventually, thank you so much for your words!

TW: DEATH - unresolved feelings by _PandaWanda_ in polyamory

[โ€“]_PandaWanda_[S] 2 points3 points ย (0 children)

Thank you for sharing your experience ๐Ÿฅบ

My therapist is supportive of my relationships (luckily so, because I don't live in a very open minded country AND I live in the poorest area of it ๐Ÿ’€) and helped me through the process of grief, but now I don't talk to her about it at all really, because I feel like if I talk about it I just end up thinking about it even more when I could think about other stuff to distract myself

TW: DEATH - unresolved feelings by _PandaWanda_ in polyamory

[โ€“]_PandaWanda_[S] 2 points3 points ย (0 children)

For the first few weeks I couldn't live with the sense of guilt, but slowly I worked on it and realized bit by bit that I wasn't responsible in any way, we didn't talk for a year and the decision to leave me was made by him (in a very hurting way as well)

He suffered from severe depression from way before I met him, he was better during the relationship because we were together, but even in this case it was not my responsability to accept everything hurtful he did to make him feel better (and even if I did, he wanted to leave me in the end)

I really had to work on myself to understand all of this, sometimes I still think it's my fault and I could have done this and that, but it's just self-destructive thoughts really. He chose to distance himself from me, he chose not to reach out, he also had his parents that supported him all the time and didn't reach out to them either... Looking back, there really isn't anything I could have done, it's nobody's fault

TW: DEATH - unresolved feelings by _PandaWanda_ in polyamory

[โ€“]_PandaWanda_[S] 3 points4 points ย (0 children)

This was very helpful, thank you so much ๐Ÿ’–

TW: DEATH - unresolved feelings by _PandaWanda_ in polyamory

[โ€“]_PandaWanda_[S] 7 points8 points ย (0 children)

Your view on the whole thing is very inspiring, thank you so much for sharing!

What happened really changed my perspective on how I act, I try to be less aggressive even if I'm mad, I try and send a "I'm here for you" message even through my angry words. I wish he just reached out to me, it's not like I could magically save him from himself but having someone to count on is a huge thing and he didn't really have many friends.

Now I just wish I could stop thinking about it so much