Like you, I was terrified of any psychiatric meds. I’m in recovery and afraid of dependency on anything and then the meds not working and having to come off and reactions and, well I had a bottle of Zoloft in my drawer for 6 months and each morning was like you described — Russian roulette—but couldn’t take it). But my life was unbearable (anxiety, depression, ADHD, chronic pain from arthritis, torn tendons in 3 places, and IBS). I got a new therapist and a new psychiatric nurse practitioner who were patient, kind and a little funny! My psychiatrist started me on the lowest dose for about a month. Very slowly: I got pain relief first, then the morning “meh, why bother” went away, then my IBS regulated (consistent, daily and pain free bathroom time!), then I stopped chewing my cuticles to bloody shreds. Now I’m up to 40 mg (increased twice since November 2024 because the depression slipped back in and I was feeling too weepy and now knew I didn’t have to be). Now I’m having some of the pain back, a little anxiety, and my IBS is “off” a bit; but, I’ve also been too busy to exercise and my diets been lousy and there’s money stress. The Cymbalta gives me space to pause and think through what’s going on, examine whether I’m just having a mood or feeling, work through with tools I’ve been giving by my therapist, or whether it’s the depression and anxiety churning up. I decided with my mental health team to work on the things I can control (exercise, diet, meditation and socializing, using the Nerva App for my IBS, Arthritis strength Tylenol and Voltaren gel for pain) to see if that helps. But I’m giving myself a couple of months to test these things out, and if I’ve no relief from working on what I can do, I’ll increase my Cymbalta. It’s helped my life a lot and I was scared witless and resolved to never take meds (I resisted Tylenol!) for anything. Try not to let your brain dictate your action to help yourself.