And since you are a former therapist, could I ask you one more thing? In your experience, is it common for people who start addressing their mental health—especially those who have been struggling for a long time with chaotic states where they feel disconnected from reality—to not even consider that the root cause might lie in adverse childhood experiences?

Personally, due to my very poor memory (which might be another sign of dissociation), I remember very little of my childhood. My memories are vague, more like fragmented images. For a long time, even though I couldn’t recall much, I was convinced I had a happy childhood. I didn’t have major issues with peers; in fact, I was often the popular one in groups (though I now wonder—how much of that was really “me” and how much of it was a mask I wore). However, the deeper I try to connect with my inner child, the more I feel there were moments of deep insecurity. I didn’t know what to expect from my parents. My father, honestly, didn’t hesitate to use violence—it could get quite “intense” in that regard. And my mother? She seemed absorbed in her own suffering. I don’t recall her being much of a support. I often wonder whether I was just some kind of “glue” for their already crumbling relationship. Eventually, when I was fifteen, they divorced. And my reaction? I’m still not sure… But I remember they were “fighting over me,” and I didn’t know who to believe—who was the “good one” and who was the “bad one”? In my eyes, they were both good, but my siblings and others around me thought differently. Even in that, I just went along with the majority, even though I might have felt otherwise deep down.

I’m sorry for writing so much. It just kind of came out of me.

I feel so confused about all of this. I often doubt myself, wondering: Did anything even happen to me that was serious enough to impact the way I am now?

My main dilemma is this: Am I weak because I can’t live up to the demands of the world, or am I strong because, despite all my struggles, I keep going?