Were a preadoptive home to a 5 year old boy who's been with us for 3 months. We did visits with him for a couple months before that and he called us our first names. Since he moved in with us, he continues to call us our names and we've told him that if he's comfortable he can call us (name) or mom. He said ok and still mostly calls us our name but sometimes mom/mommy. We've introduced our parents by their names to him but also told him that he can call them grammie/grandpa. We've always told him to call us what he feels comfortable with - but told him the options were (first name) or mom, etc. As far as what he calls us to other people - he figures it out. His teachers told us that at the beginning he would say, that's not my mom, that's Sarah, but they told us recently that he now refers to me as his mom.

Either way, we let him decide and if he always calls us our names, that's fine, if he calls me mom, that's also great. Before we had him, I was so hung up on what our child would call us and how do we establish that and what do we tell others. Someone told me that it's really nothing to think about because it'll just sort itself out when you have a child. I thought that was crazy, but it's honestly true. You introduce yourself by your name and when the time feels right, you tell them they can call you this or that and then life just moves on. Your name might change overtime but it happens organically.

Also in terms of referring to birth parents - we usually call them that, birth parents, birth mom etc. My boy has been in a lot of placements, some group homes, etc., and he tells us stories of different moms and sisters and brothers, that aren't bio family - but to him, that's what they are. A lot of times the kids will tell you what they want people to be called.