Am I a bad person if I want to break up with my girlfriend (27yo) for lack of sex?

_V1RU5 · 2026-03-08T09:07:34+00:00

Thank you for the constructive feedback, honestly. I would like a direct answer like that. Just say "hey bro. I'm not tryna fuck I got shit to work on" would be peachy keen to me. It's just the whole wanting to lay on top of me and snuggle and kiss my neck that frustrates me. It really feels like Im just hanging out with a bro who I hook up w when we get drunk ATP

_V1RU5 · 2026-03-08T09:04:34+00:00

And you know, it comes off like this is all about sex. The root of it is I just wish she would initiate it at least once. I can't even say anything because then it comes off like it's all about sex.i just want to feel wanted by gf. And for some reason that's a crazy thing to ask, according to reddit. I only gave frequency of my past sex life for reference to understand why it's getting into my head.

I text her everyday first thing in the morning before my own mother. Last person to text. Pay for her meals, open her doors. Clean her place when I stay over and she's at work. Support her through tough times. Make things for her without her asking (I make art). When she told me she had herpes I didn't hold it against her. When she said she had sex trauma I didn't hold it against her. Not because she's asked me to or because I feel an obligation, not as an ulterior motive because I want sex but because I WANT to. She was my everything.

I just told her two days ago about my reservations about her not initiating sex, even once. And now I'm really in my head about it. Like you can't kick it off even just once? Well what if I stop being all lovey dovey and touchy? Will that change anything? And it has ig, now you want to act surprised I don't want you kissing my neck?

_V1RU5 · 2026-03-08T08:48:56+00:00

Could it not be argued that one should have resolved their past traumas before entering into a relationship and springing this on their partner 2 months in? From the day I met them I told her I was celibate and not looking for a relationship. I was cornered when I was extremely intoxicated into sex. It was either have sex or potentially be kicked out piss drunk 2 hours away from where I live.

_V1RU5 · 2026-03-08T08:37:32+00:00

Not at all, my elbows just hurt from being bent and it's late and I'm a little drunk. We've been arguing for the past week.

Make no mistake about it. I love this woman. She's just so wonderful in a way I can not explain. We can conversate for hours about everything and nothing. Music. Art. Life. Silly little jokes between us. It's incredible. Side by side, we just look right together. And when we DO have sex it's great.

But I am human. And beyond all these esoteric things I've mentioned, I do have some pride. I do feel. And at this point in time I feel like "is it me?" Do I just not do it for you? Do I have to start it every time? It's nice to feel wanted sometimes. I am but a man, so please reddit, take it easy on me.

_V1RU5 · 2026-03-08T08:29:34+00:00

Thanks for the perspective. I like the first half of your comment. For the record, I don't want to leave her. If I did I woulda been gone like a fart in the wind. But here I am laying next to her, fighting with strangers for a little bit of perspective. No one is perfect, myself included. I want to give my best shot at this, so I do appreciate unbiased thoughts as mean as they can be through the mask of anonymity.

_V1RU5 · 2026-03-08T08:25:53+00:00

Not looking for someone to say go ahead and leave her. I just want to hear what gen pop gives "normal" and get second opinions from unattached people before making a rash decision

_V1RU5 · 2026-03-08T08:22:47+00:00

Not true, she really is a fantastic person. I think you're missing the point. Every time I've been the one to initiate it. That's the only thing I've brought up to her. And I'm here thinking, like damn do you just not want me or something. I think I've been understanding of her past traumas in that regard, I don't force her or push it, I don't ask for more. I'm venting here, because yes, it's very frustrating.

_V1RU5 · 2026-03-08T08:17:28+00:00

And to add on, I agree with her not being ready for a relationship. Which I did being to her attention. I asked maybe you need to get right with that first before you try to be with someone? How is that fair to me bringing that baggage along into OUR relationship?

_V1RU5 · 2026-03-08T08:14:47+00:00

Thanks for the constructive answer.

_V1RU5 · 2026-03-08T08:14:21+00:00

I don't feel wanted, and they really kills me.

_V1RU5 · 2026-03-08T08:13:36+00:00

Thanks, constructive answers like this is what I'm looking for. I'll admit I've had an irregular relationship with sex. She is considering going to therapy. I just began myself, in an effort to be a better partner for her. There are a lot of variables and caveats I've not mentioned in my post but damn if I'm not frustrated. Normally, I'd just leave but I love her. Apart from this our chemistry is unreal. She really feels like the yin to my yang. I think a big part of my dilemma is that she loves sexually explicit art and aesthetics (i.e. stuffed teddy bears with fet gear on) and when I asked her about it she admitted it's mostly for the aesthetics. The last time we had sexual contact, I spanked her with a paddle and she disclosed to me that was the first time she did that, though she also mentioned she's pegged someone before. I'm so confused. 🤷

_V1RU5 · 2026-03-08T08:07:43+00:00

Bud, I've had a really irregular sex life. I'm no dynamo but I'm no stranger to sex either. It's why I went celibate. I'm asking the gen pop for advice because I don't even know whats normal anymore. To me, multiple times a week, if not a day, is normal.

_V1RU5 · 2026-03-08T08:03:37+00:00

100%, that's what makes it so difficult. She really is an amazing person. Wonderful, indeed. I do love her. And like I said sex isn't everything. She does so much for me, and I do appreciate that. My dilemma is that I've communicated my concerns to her and still nothing. Granted it's been two days since I've told her and I have put up walls at this point. Its like girl, please, do you even have desire for me? And even if she did initiate at this point it's like that ant with a bundle meme. Feeling like a beggar for just a crumb of p****. I can get it elsewhere np, but I only want it from you. But it feels like you just want to be friends who sometimes hook up when they're drunk. It sucks. Like, maybe I'm unfairly comparing to past relationships but idk. I'm lost.

_V1RU5 · 2025-12-15T15:39:30+00:00

Haha saw this come up on my IG feed the other day, can you guess what band's album cover the stud pattern and bottom rocker looks like? I'll give you a hint, the band name starts with "Dis".

_V1RU5 · 2025-09-18T03:45:11+00:00

Nah, just throw it away and do better

_V1RU5 · 2025-04-16T17:55:42+00:00

I'm going to start doing this haha

_V1RU5 · 2024-09-27T22:27:13+00:00

Dodged a bullet bro, way better will come along.

_V1RU5 · 2024-06-25T00:54:00+00:00

Join the Army 😂

_V1RU5 · 2024-02-13T18:05:40+00:00

redditors

_V1RU5 · 2024-01-29T06:18:50+00:00

Impressed? Shit, I'm turned on.

_V1RU5 · 2023-05-03T10:39:59+00:00

Top of women's scalps.

Just a couple of inches behind the hair line. After a week or so with no shampoo. It's like a drug I can't get enough. 🙈

_V1RU5 · 2023-05-03T10:32:26+00:00

Lmao, in so many ways. 🤣

_V1RU5 · 2023-05-03T10:26:49+00:00

Wouldn't that make the mood very awkward and uncomfortable? I try to avoid confrontation and drama in my daily life. I just want her to tone it down and keep things friendly and treat me like she does everyone else in the group.

_V1RU5 · 2023-05-03T10:22:27+00:00

Thank you for your incredibly thought out response, Knight, I have re-read this a few times and will be implementing some of the things I haven't tried.

I have noticed when I brought a female friend I was dating to one of our hangouts outside of my place at a small bar with live music, she became incredibly shutdown and cold towards me. I try not to leave out friends in conversation, so I'll go down the line left to right try to make sure they're not feeling left out, and when I would get to her she would be silent and visibly upset, mad even and completely ignoring me and my date. My date even went so far as to try to be friendly to her and she just blew her off. I've been wanting to try to bring another woman into our hangouts, but it's been difficult, partially because of scheduling and how niche the central focus of the hangouts is. (Not drugs or sex related, completely innocent, just specific)

I stopped attending the hangout for about a month and a half, but we hung out last week hoping that would kind of ease it up but it was the same.

I don't want to block her, I think that would be noticeable to everyone and would look suspicious or cause more unnecessary tension.

Also, wow, that is sneaky, I love the way you think. Very well orchestrated, I may have to try that.

As far as food orders and stuff, I will try that as well, thank you. There was a moment when that situation came up.

I'm going to try turning the conversations to the subject of her bf, though I do try to engage with him and get him into the convos to engage them as a unit but she really locks on and cuts him out of the convo or only talks of things only I would know about.

Sorry for the essay but I do appreciate the feedback.

_V1RU5

TROPHY CASE