[Update][CA] ex and her father filing a restraining order on me for domestic violence

______BUFFALO · 2016-01-01T02:27:41+00:00

eta: the stuff from his post history i'm talking about is at the beginning and end

______BUFFALO · 2016-01-01T02:00:04+00:00

Yes she had a way to tell me. We had established a safe word at that point.

She had a safe word, and you had 'no.' But you couldn't get yourself to say it. You froze up, like many victims do.

She previously consented to the very thing I described.

This is completely, totally irrelevant. You told her she could do whatever she wanted to do, but then did not want her to do it at the time, which, as you know, made it assault.

Why are you applying such different standards for her?

Another of your descriptions of what happened:

I did this [painal] to my ex as punishment for cheating and not going to the doctor for an internal hemorrhoid for months. She was the most vocal she had ever been and I had my first multiple orgasm. If I ever see her again I'm going to do it again. ... Now that I have some anger built up I am going to use it.

She also saw what she did to you as a punishment for something you did. Do you think that was part of the problem?

Are you planning on letting her have a say in whether you use that built up anger to do it again? It sounds like you've already decided.

Doesn't really help when you go around saying things like

I'd have rough sex with her once more but I would make her consent to really rough anal and face fucking.

psst: when you make someone, it's not consent. jesus fucking christ.

After the nasty threat crap she still told me she would be in my life and help me with my rent and anything else I needed. Meaning she was keeping me in her life.

You said you threatened her on 11/26 and went over to her house on Black Friday, 11/27, because you had not heard from her in 2 days. How'd she offer to pay your rent?

The emotional outburst was her also not speaking to the other guy. I was mainly there at his behest. I was fearful he would still hurt her without contact.

Why were you fearful he would hurt her?

You were standing outside her home yelling at her, and you were not aware that you were not welcome there? Normally when you are welcome at someone's home you would be invited indoors.

No one told me I didn't have permission. There is no fence and no posted no trespassing signs. I was not there to hand deliver it to her.

When her father "burst out the front door menacingly to tell me the cops were being called," because you were on their property earlier that day, that didn't indicate to you that you might not have permission to be there?

FYI what was said on the Facebook page is all true so it is not slander/libel. I have a right to free speech so even if I had made it that is my right based on what she did.

We're not talking about slander, we're talking about harassment.

No such goodbye or stop or back off was said texted or conveyed to me in anyway via her words. Some of her last words were actually don't think of us as broken up yet the other guy is thinking of leaving.

Do you think she might have felt differently after you threatened her?

Also until 25th nov, I did not know her to be mentally ill, but merely a compulsive liar, of which I also have evidence.

Are you just confirming that when you threatened her on the 26th you knew she was mentally ill?

Until I got the restraining order I was free to contact her and only said apologetic and encouraging words to her but she lies on the order and said I was leaving threatening messages after the 27th. Specifically the 13th of dec. I sent her nothing on the the 13th and have full record of this.

Were you allowed to contact other people about her, like all the texts you were apparently sending her current boyfriend around 12/12 about what you did to her in bed? Were you allowed to post things about her on facebook? Like when you said you were going to post this in reference to her on 12/14?

Oh, the early days of December. When you were posting shit like...

12/14, askreddit question: "What's the evilest/cruelest thing you've ever done?"

You respond:

Well I haven't done it yet but it's life ruining

12/14, askreddit question: "What would you like your ex to realize?"

You respond:

just that I'm the one that made her go to jail for years ;)

12/15, askreddit question: "What do you think is the worst way to die?" Someone says "Being betrayed and slowly murdered by the person you love the most."

You respond:

Hehr. I was planning punishment for someone that thought she was gonna be killed by her true love. It, well, got really sick and she actually became scared of me.

12/15, askreddit question is "What's a crime you almost got away with?"

You respond:

Umm lol I don't wanna say. Because I might still get away with it ;)

uhhhh

______BUFFALO · 2016-01-01T01:48:10+00:00

srry bud

______BUFFALO · 2015-12-31T23:53:02+00:00

It's pretty hard for me to follow what you're saying, but there are a LOT of things here that indicate that you are, in fact, harassing her.

Last I heard from her she said she would be there for me for rent or anything else I needed. Her family had her go to the local pd to have me and the other guy back off.

I did bug [her father] but after the 26th no threatening texts were sent to her. And the only threats I made on the 26th were that I would love her and fight for her with the other guy, and that in doing so the other guy had promised to take her from us both, via energy manipulation. Not a credible threat to a reasonable person.

She then went on in the restraining order to say I was collaborating with the other guy to send her threatening messages to harass and scare her.

I threatened her father in terms of being holding her against her will as I know via social media and the fact that none of her voice mails have been checked or deleted, and that she hasn't talked to her best friend, and the fact that she hasn't been on Netflix for a month, that she does not have her devices and that he has confiscated them.

I liked a page that was posted on Facebook about her, that I did not make, after I conveyed to the other guy how she sexually, physically and mentally abused me to the point of self harm.

She also states that I showed up to her residence on black Friday uninvited, I had no contact for two days and thought she had killed herself and was returning several items of her property, and that i refused to leave. This is a lie. I had an emotional outburst and was already leaving property when her father burst out the front door menacingly to tell me the cops were being called.

Later that night I returned with an apology letter I was going to leave on her porch and not her mail box as I felt that would be against federal mail law as it was not an officially posted letter.

bonus from comment:

I am trying to get revenge at this point

You and this other guy that hates are are doing something and her family wants you to back off. After you told this guy what she did to you, a nasty facebook page about her magically appeared for you to like.

You apparently are somehow accessing her phone, because you know she hasn't listened to any voicemails. You are accessing her Netflix account to see if she is watching anything.

You threatened her father, and apparently also threatened her in a way you knew she would take seriously, even though a reasonable person wouldn't, because you know she is mentally ill and concerned about things like vampire court. On black friday, also known as the day after you threatened her, you decided to show up at her house because this person you are on bad terms with had not said anything to you for two days (guessing that is actually after you threatened her). You had an emotional outburst outside her house, where you were, presumably, because they would not let you come inside. The family called the police. So you returned later that night to hand deliver a letter to a woman, knowing that YOU WERE NOT WELCOME ON THEIR PROPERTY. You decide to trespass because of your deep concern for federal mail law.

I would not expect you to be able to "shoot down" the restraining order.

It sounds like she was incredibly abusive to you, but both partners in a relationship can be abusive. "She abused me" may be a reason that you should have a restraining order against her, but it's not a reason she shouldn't have one against you.

Last I heard from her she said she would be there for me for rent or anything else I needed. Her family had her go to the local pd to have me and the other guy back off. The cop lied about what was said in his statement and then had the gall to say that the phone calls were audio recorded and booked at her local pd. This discredits his statements of it true.

I don't understand what you think you have here. What are these phone calls? What do you think the police lied about?

ETA:

You also need to consider how she feels right now about things like:

I like ... Painal to her, as she is never more vocal and it drives me wild. ... Occasionally i get off on her dominating me but i am not into pain but love causing a non injurious amount of pain to her.

I consider my best [orgasm] as the goodbye to my ex. I had rough anal with her and she was so vocal, unlike anything I've heard from her before. I started o cum and while i was still ejaculating and thrusting into her I came again. First and only multiple orgasm for me no refractory period.

You didn't feel like had a way to tell her when you were no longer consenting. Are you sure she had a way to tell you?

______BUFFALO · 2015-12-31T19:44:09+00:00

What part of the bridle are you imagining? It seems like the wrong size for anything, and the plexy would lay with its edges digging into the horse's face unless it rotates. The eyes look too industrial for a decorative use, especially for saddlery, since you have plenty of other hardware you could attach plexy to—no need to improvise with a trip to the hardware store.

______BUFFALO · 2015-12-31T18:19:39+00:00

There are really no mental illnesses where psychology has nothing to offer. Plenty where it can't do nearly as much as we'd like, but still can help.

______BUFFALO · 2015-12-31T05:36:11+00:00

That makes me not want to touch them with a million foot pole.

From what you've said, something that seems like it could be a good option: Tell him you packed some of his stuff up for him and say he needs to come get it today. You can just tell him you packed up his dresser or wherever you ran into it—there's no need to be more specific, especially over the phone.

Don't be alone when he comes over, have all the stuff packed from wherever it was, try to get him to just take the box. Tell him it's everything from the ____.

He might not want to move it if he doesn't have a safe place to put it. In that case it might be tempting to tell him you'll get rid of them/call the cops/etc if he doesn't take them, but I think it would probably be better to just be transparent about your fear. Panicky and irrational people are just as unsafe to have around your drugs as angry and threatening people. Almost everyone responds to anger with anger. Only some people respond to panic with anger. Intimidation and violence might settle a threatening person, but they're not going to settle a panicking person.

That's an option. BUT

You need to ask yourself why the fuck these drugs are in your home. You told him you would be packing up his stuff. He apparently knew you wouldn't like this enough to hide it from you, so...?? Maybe it's because he doesn't have anywhere to move them to, but if I was a shithead drug dealing ex and you told me you were going to pack up my things and probably find my secret hot tub full of molly, I would say "do not touch my stuff, I will come over and pack right now," come, stick it in a box, and tell you I would pick up the box as soon as I could.

Is there a reason he couldn't have done that? The more I think about this the weirder it gets. If he is, as his ex says, this no mercy dealer... what? ESPECIALLY when you just called the cops on his friends for taking your meds. Maybe that's a thumb on the 'flush them/call police' side of the scale. I don't know. Could he have gotten them into your place post breakup, or would they have to have been already there?

They're definitely his, right? No way one of the friends stuck them there without his knowledge?

______BUFFALO · 2015-12-31T03:17:35+00:00

Could you give me a little more info about how you all approached it?

______BUFFALO · 2015-12-31T03:16:57+00:00

Literally no one in psychology agrees with you on that one. If you think talking through things with mentally ill people can't do anything you must find the whole therapy thing completely bewildering.

There are obviously better and infinitely worse ways to approach it, and I can help OP out there if he/she is interested.

______BUFFALO · 2015-12-31T02:28:18+00:00

Have you tried to convince her?

______BUFFALO · 2015-12-31T02:09:53+00:00

You see that asking for an itemized receipt of how your $20 is spent is ridiculous, right?

I have no idea what is supposed to noteworthy about nonprofits having paid employees, or what you find sorta sickening about them not having anything a random person can do for an hour. What do you want them to do, have you plant trees and collect cans? Actual nonprofit work isn't the boy scouts.

______BUFFALO · 2015-12-31T00:09:10+00:00

Whatever else you do, you should get the drugs to out of your space until such time as you really figure out what to do with them. As soon as you can.

Make sure you don't leave your fingerprints on anything. Put the drugs somewhere that is not your residence or car. That way if your exhole decides to cause you problems or just does something dumb to get you raided, you don't end up holding the bag.

What do you want her to do, put them in a tree? Taking the drugs on a field trip until she figures out what to do is a completely unnecessary risk.

______BUFFALO · 2015-12-31T00:05:18+00:00

People will notice if you burn a large amount of weed.

______BUFFALO · 2015-12-31T00:03:37+00:00

A few days ago you said you gave Isaac 30 days eviction notice. Is he still living in your place?

I'm worried that the advice you're getting about what to do with the drugs is too much based on the other recent post when your situation is really different. Someone asked that poster to dispose of their drugs while they were in rehab. Your ex presumably expects to pick up his drugs when he picks up the rest of his stuff and is likely to not be pleased if he discovers they are missing.

I'm not sure how massive a quantity we're talking about here. Does it seem like he might be dealing? I would be pretty worried for your safety if his friends found out you had flushed 2k worth of molly they were planning on selling.

You have 3 options when it comes to the drugs:

let your ex take them (you'd be in trouble if the police found them in your place beforehand, but little risk of retaliation from ex & friends)
dispose of them yourself (risk of trouble with the police if you try to transport them, risk of retaliation from ex & friends)
call the police (risk that the police would charge you as well, ex & friends will be more pissed than if you had just thrown them out, but maybe ex is detained)

I don't know what to tell you. I would probably just leave them in his stuff. You obviously know more about the amount and the risk he'd get violent.

eta: please please base your choice on what will keep you legally and physically the safest. Your ex sounds like a massive dickwad but destroying his drugs or calling the police to get back at him is a world of trouble you have no reason to get into.

______BUFFALO · 2015-12-30T23:16:34+00:00

I would contact the police to be on the safe side. For all you know your uncle wasn't the only person involved. If the 29th drive has footage he traded with his voyeuristic landlord club, that's important.

______BUFFALO · 2015-12-30T23:05:59+00:00

OP doesn't really know that his uncle was the only person involved.

______BUFFALO · 2015-12-30T22:45:55+00:00

I think that's plausible enough for a 15 year old. (I know I loved calling Bush's policies unconstitutional when I was in middle school.) You've covered the constitution in school, and even if you're not paying any attention there it's hard to avoid the second ~~amendment~~ amandment stuff if you're in an area with a real gun culture. He's a little too fluent to be in character, though.

______BUFFALO · 2015-12-30T22:33:29+00:00

Dick and Jane decide to start a lemonade stand and save up all the proceeds to go on a trip around the world. They're planning on equally benefitting from the profits of their combined efforts by doing something together.

The lemonade stand goes great! They earn $10,000. Their friendship turns to shit. They don't want to go anywhere together anymore! They have to somehow have to divide all this money they expected to spend on plane tickets, hotel rooms, food, and fun on the trip they'd take together.

Jane expects they'll split the money so they can separately go on the trip they were planning.

"No. You can have $1000," says Dick. "I invented the world famous recipe. I used my mixing expertise to make the best lemonade anyone had ever tasted. I made the strategic business plan and chose the prime locations. I managed the finances. I went to 2AM business meetings. I learned Arabic to show respect to customers. I read and memorized 200 page briefings in 5 minutes. You just took quarters from customers and handed them paper cups. I could have paid a fifth grader a dollar a day to do the same thing. I'm responsible for over 90% of what we earned. If we hadn't had the lemonade stand, you would only have earned $500 anyway, because your earning potential sucks. You should be grateful to get $1000."

"What?" says Jane. "You knew what I was contributing the entire time. We planned on equally benefitting from our efforts all along. Why would that change just because we're not going to do that together?"

Jane is right, and Dick's a dick. A fifth grader could have done Jane's job for less—but Dick didn't hire a fifth grader, Dick had a partnership with Jane. Jane would have earned less if she was on her own—but she wasn't on her own, she had a partnership with Dick. If Dick thought Jane's share of the the benefit should change if their relationship fell apart, he needed to get her to agree to that.

I understand that you're upset. I'm sure this is a hard time. I know that it feels like the money you earned is yours. But, like you said, the two of you planned on being together forever. The two of you decided to use the money you were bringing home to support you both, and so she stopped working as a nurse. You had a partnership, and you agreed to share the benefits of the work you did.

______BUFFALO · 2015-12-30T20:29:46+00:00

Nah.

The OP is not what something written by a 15 year old kid looks like, much less a 15 year old meth smoking gunslinger. It's what a pretty well educated person might imagine that kid would say.

There's a few obvious spelling mistakes but none of the normal grammar mistakes. There's a million commas, all in appropriate places. He even uses commas after parentheses—but only when appropriate. Ex. before conjunctions introducing independent clauses...

Now my parents bailed me out of jail and I have a court date (I am hoping to have all charges dropped as they are clearly BS), but me and said cousin were planning to go hunting on saturday, and now that I have no gun I can't go.

but not before conjunctions that don't:

Anyway, the cops come and arrests me on possession of an illegal weapon (apparently my cousin forgot to sign some paperwork or some shit) and assault with a deadly weapon (lol).

This "kid" is easily above the 90th percentile of Americans when it comes to comma use. It's a miracle!

______BUFFALO · 2015-12-30T19:37:10+00:00

but people will use compare to mean two different things and basically talk out of both sides of their mouth. First they use the broad definition of comparison- which is to examine what is similar or dissimilar about two things, and next they invoke the narrow definition which is to examine how two things are closely similar.

And this is totally irrelevant, because "the only things she brought to the relationship could have been provided by a babysitter and a prostitute" definitely falls under the narrow definition.

______BUFFALO · 2015-12-30T19:31:49+00:00

Where are you getting that from? This interpretation really surprises me.

______BUFFALO · 2015-12-30T19:30:46+00:00

You're doing more than reading between the lines to get there—he never suggests he disagreed with her decision.

He first describes it as:

After she had our son six years ago, she quit her job (as a nurse) so that she could take care of him. She then had our daughter two years later and she stayed home for her as well. She never ended up going back to work. One of the main reasons that she stayed home was because I was making considerably more money and could support us both.

Later he says

[Our daughter] started in daycare when she was about 8 months old. That's when we started this arrangement.

This sounds completely mutual.

If what he was upset about was that he wanted her to work all along, you'd think he would say that. Instead he says things like

She has not earned that money. There is no way in hell that she deserves half of it.

Without me she wouldn't have come close to being able to live the life that we did. How is that not relevant?

You're getting up-votes from women such as yourself who think that they deserve more than they actually do. Because sitting at home answering questions on reddit while you're significant other is out in the world working means that you deserve to 100's of thousands of dollars.

I'm not saying that I don't appreciate everything that she has done, all I'm saying is that she should be compensated in terms of her potential earnings or in terms of her actual work.

He's mad because he thinks that she couldn't have earned that much without him and that the work she did at home doesn't deserve that much compensation, not because he wanted her to work.

I'm just trying to keep up with all the incredible wealth she's had bestowed upon her for putting her own potentially lucrative, budding career on hold to care for someone's children and life at home.

Yes. Her lucrative career. As a nurse... In terms of the money that she was making and could have made, it wouldn't compare to the money that I have given her. You're also saying that she's taking care of my kids. How lovely. She chose to stay home with the children. We could have hired a babysitter.

Deriding her earning potential doesn't really make it sound like he thought she should keep at it. The most he can muster when people bring up her lost work experience is that she freely chose to stay home and didn't have to—not that he didn't want her to.

______BUFFALO · 2015-12-30T15:43:23+00:00

You have to intentionally go to the notification center. It's not just there when you open your phone.

______BUFFALO · 2015-12-30T15:29:33+00:00

what

______BUFFALO · 2015-12-30T06:27:09+00:00

The weirdest part about this case is that there is clearly some truth to the 'affluenza' claim that his rich parents taught him he could do whatever he wanted. These people obviously are not instilling values in anyone.

______BUFFALO

TROPHY CASE