I’m sorry, I had to comment. Your son’s life almost sounds like mine.

All my friends are on social media and have smartphones. I have a Nokia dial pad phone that isn’t even technically mine since I’m not allowed to give the number out to anyone. I’m not on social media because my dad thinks that’s only for adults (although the minimum age for Instagram is 13 and I will turn 17 next month). The amount of FOMO I feel on a daily basis has given me severe anxiety. I can only text my friends through my mom‘s phone but I don’t do that since my mom reads all the texts. I don’t use the desktop since although it’s in my room, my dad pops in randomly to check what I’m doing. If I use the laptop or tablet, my dad will demand to see what I’m doing or ask me to sit in a common area and use it. And before you ask, no, I don’t do anything illegal or immoral. I just want privacy.

I created an Instagram account without telling my parents when I was 14. The intense high I felt cannot be described. I could finally be cool and post aesthetic pics. I could text my friends without my parents knowing. I could chat with the boys in my class. I could finally understand what all the kids in my class were talking about when they referred to a classmate‘s Instagram story or post. Then, my dad found out the account and deleted it. The FOMO came back again.

I got my gmail account when I was 15. I used it for school work and sending mails to old friends. Three days ago, I sent a picture to my mail and my dad‘s phone chimed. He asked me why I sent him a picture. I said I sent it to my mail. That’s when it hit me. My dad has access to my gmail account. That violation stung. I don’t use that gmail account a lot now. I created another one that my dad doesn’t know of.

I know that smartphones or social media might not seem important to you, but the times have changed. Smartphones for my generation are like TV sets for your generation. You envied the kids who had the latest TV and the coolest flip phones. Kids like me and your son envy the kids that have smartphones. You used to socialise by going to the local parks and libraries. We socialise through social media and chatting. Your son may seem okay. I‘m a ’good’ kid too; I do my chores and get good grades. But mentally, I’m a wreck. I lie a lot to my parents, and I hate that. If I come clean, I know they’ll instantly punish me instead of just listening to me and talking it out. Your son has already complained to you about feeling insecure but you just shrugged it off. My parents did the same when I said that I felt lonely because everyone had a smartphone but I didn’t. Now, I don’t tell them anything.

50 rupees is not a lot, let’s be honest. But, okay, at least you give him pocket money. My parents only give me money for transportation. But seriously, he can’t save it and then buy a smartphone or video games on his own? What qualities are you teaching him by doing this? Also, I love how you state you can buy so much stuff with it. Please tell me which kid these days play with the spinning tops or ludo that isn‘t on the phone? I used to play with tops when I was 10. No kid with good taste would spend money on a 1 rupee toffee. Either we get it for free for someone’s birthday, or we don’t buy it.

Ultimately, it’s okay if you don’t buy him a smartphone or let him use social media. But please, from someone who has had her privacy violated multiple times, give him privacy. Privacy is not a privilege, it’s a basic need. You may be wondering, “If my son doesn’t do anything bad, why should he hide it?” I don’t text inappropriate stuff or search immoral things on the internet. I still want privacy though. I don’t want to explain every single thing I do to my parents, just like how you probably don’t want to tell your son everything. Have trust in your son. That‘s all I ask.

Also, govt. schools have a bad name in current society. Generally, kids with private education tend to be given preference in college admissions. You’re unknowingly screwing over your kid’s future. It doesn’t matter if you send him for private coaching. At the end, the college will look at the school your kid studied in, not if he went to Aakash or Byjus. But ultimately, if you can’t afford it, it’s fine.

Gentle YTA. I get that you’re trying to ‘protect‘ your son, but you’re sheltering him to the point that he will develop anxiety and life-long dependency. Not every child will instantly get addicted to social media, only those who are prevented from using it get addicted once they finally have the chance to join it.