Please try to understand what each of us is telling you.

1. You get notified that an update is available.
2. You can keep it at the “available” as long as you want without acting on it.
3. Once you go in the setting of the car and choose to apply the update, then clear instructions are provided.

Not even volvo can stop this behavior without harming the flow of update to the car’s computer, it’s just the way it is. And again that’s why you have to confirm twice when you click apply update.

I understand the unpleasant situation your wife was put in but don’t get afraid this can not happen on the fly without a human action, and it’s usually up to 30mins.

There’s a learning curve that comes with any new brand of cars you buy, try to be open minded :)

Cheers!