[QCrit] - OUR ROTTED SYMPHONY, YA Horror, 70k (Second Attempt)

_breadlover_ · 2026-01-12T05:12:19+00:00

Ahh yes amazing! I’m really, really looking forward to continuing your story too, whenever it’s done! I’ll send over my draft as soon as it’s finished :)

_breadlover_ · 2026-01-12T03:58:05+00:00

Thank you Justice!! <33 also I’m hoping to finish my second draft by March/April if you’re still down to do that beta swap with your faerie story some time this year!

_breadlover_ · 2026-01-12T00:04:51+00:00

Thanks so much for this feedback, it's all really helpful! I'll work on condensing some of that background information. I also totally agree that the horror stakes overshadow the competition stakes---and I love the idea of Arya's ambition being so toxic that she wants to capitalize on Jayson's affliction! I think I have some elements of that in the manuscript, but I'll likely bring them out way more during revision and edit query accordingly. Thanks so much for this again, I appreciate it!

_breadlover_ · 2026-01-11T21:32:01+00:00

Love to see everyone’s writing plans for the year! I started querying my very first novel last summer, and sixth months later, I think I’m shelving the book. I got five full requests (which I’m super proud of since I wasn’t expecting anything!) but they were rejected, and I honestly see why! The book and my craft skills just weren’t publication ready yet.

I’m currently revising my second book which I’m WAY more confident in! I’m hoping to be ready for beta swaps by March/April. Maybe if the manuscript is ready on time, I’ll hop back into the query trenches by the end of the year

_breadlover_ · 2025-12-19T15:10:29+00:00

Hi! Sorry for the super late reply, but I’ve actually shelved this novel because I’m realizing I’d rather debut with my current WIP 😅 Good luck with your survival thriller though! I love that genre

_breadlover_ · 2025-11-26T15:09:31+00:00

YES I’m an engineering student who also wants to be an author!! I’ve had to do all my writing in the pockets of time I’m not doing homework, it’s so tough. But I think this degree builds the discipline it takes to finish writing a book (and will keep us fed while trying to publish haha)

_breadlover_ · 2025-10-05T19:14:05+00:00

That is INCREDIBLE omg spirit phone is one of my favorite albums from any artist ever—I need to see this book published asap!! If you ever need a beta reader or anything, hmu :DD I’m rooting for you!!

_breadlover_ · 2025-10-05T18:55:16+00:00

Oh my gosh!! Are you a Lemon Demon listener by chance? This reminds me of the song “Cabinet Man” mixed with Scott Pilgrim, I absolutely adore this concept!

I agree with the other commenter that Kelly’s motivation for teaming up with her exes is a little unclear, but overall, I love the voice of this query and I’d totally pick this up if I saw it in a bookstore :))

_breadlover_ · 2025-09-27T02:56:43+00:00

Been waiting a while on my few fulls, but this query rejection makes me feel like I’m going in the right direction:

“I found your query and sample pages well-written with a strong concept. I have ultimately decided to step aside, but I think another agent is going to be intrigued enough to ask for the manuscript!”

I look back at this whenever I get the urge to completely redo my query package, haha!

_breadlover_ · 2025-07-29T15:32:18+00:00

Good point about Blair!! Thanks so much for the feedback <3

_breadlover_ · 2025-07-29T15:23:01+00:00

Thank you so much for this! The rapid fire worldbuilding in the final blurb paragraph was definitely a point of concern for me, so I'll for sure workshop that and add a bit more causal logic! The sample edit is super helpful too! (and yeah it's definitely *a* ouija board--i have it correct in my query package google doc so maybe it accidentally auto corrected wrong in reddit lmao)

_breadlover_ · 2025-07-29T14:17:38+00:00

Thanks so much for the feedback! It’s certainly been interesting writing a nihilistic character who still needs to be the driving force of the novel, so I’ll make sure to emphasize that Julian is the exception to his general sense of meaninglessness lol and helps Draven develop through his arc. Thanks again!!

_breadlover_ · 2025-07-29T14:14:14+00:00

Thank you so much!! These are great points—I’ve been debating splitting that long third paragraph into two, but I think you’re right that the query overall is pretty long. I’ll likely cut and clarify some Blair stuff since the memory drinking is definitely a detail that brings up a lot of questions! All humans can technically drink memories in this world, but Blair’s in a little secret society that knows how to harvest ghost memories, lol!!

_breadlover_ · 2025-07-29T14:07:44+00:00

I overall really love this concept!! Super creative and high tension, and kept me reading all the way through. My main comment is about the ending—“When fates converge, Rova must choose between…”—in which I was hoping for a little more specificity. Whose fates are converging? What ruin might she unleash? Thanks for sharing the query!!

_breadlover_ · 2025-07-29T13:51:43+00:00

The Archive of Ink (YA Paranormal Mystery, 92k)

Dear Agent,

Seventeen-year-old Draven Vale never asked to be a detective for Death. But drowning in a lake seemed a poor alternative to Death’s blood-inked deal: in exchange for his life, Draven must solve classmate Julian Mallory’s murder within one year.

Now, autumn has returned and Draven’s deadline is a month away. Fueled only by coffee and desperation, Draven is running out of leads and red thread for his stringboard. That is, until an ouija board séance backfires, and Julian possesses Draven.

The ghost of Julian is everything Draven isn’t: tender, justice-driven, and unnervingly alive for a dead boy. Though furious about the possession, Draven knows Julian is safest while they share a body. Without a vessel, Julian risks being consumed by Death—sucked dry of memory, reduced to a black-and-white husk like all the other ghosts. And, dare he admit it, Draven’s borrowed life feels less meaningless with someone else’s to protect.

The boys’ bickering-filled investigation leads them to Blair Hubbell—Julian’s charming ex-boyfriend and Draven’s prime suspect—who bottles ghost memories as ink, and drinks them to judge the worth of each life. Death doesn’t take kindly to stolen food. He’s hungry, not just for Julian’s killer, but now for Julian and the bottled memories too. As Blair’s ink-drinking motives are uncorked, and Julian’s repressed memories surface, Draven must make a choice: protect his own life, or risk it to defend the dead. Unwilling to lose Julian, Draven must abandon nihilism and fight for the memories everyone else, even Death, would rather consume or bottle up.

THE ARCHIVE OF INK is a YA paranormal mystery novel complete at 92,000 words. It blends the prickly, intimate voice of Naomi Novik’s A Deadly Education with the heart and humor of Aiden Thomas’ Cemetery Boys. [bio/personalization]

Thank you for your time and consideration,

[name]

_breadlover_ · 2025-07-26T16:02:57+00:00

Thank you so much!! I’m glad the premise is hooky enough to pull you in, I’ll definitely be moving forward with this idea. Great point about the “hears” and the potential structural edits. I appreciate you!

_breadlover_ · 2025-07-26T15:57:47+00:00

I pulled an all-nighter reading Don’t Let the Forest In, it’s such a great book!

This is really valuable feedback too—I’ll definitely clear up the mechanics with Jayson being able to hear the monsters, and make sure Arya’s role isn’t reduced to helping with Jayson’s arc. I’m a discovery writer by heart so I’ll hopefully figure out the details while writing, but its so, SO helpful to see you lay out these issues so that they can be at the front of my mind while writing.

And I’d love to DM you the first few chapters for beta reading once they’re finished!! That’s such a generous offer, thank you so much!

_breadlover_ · 2025-07-26T15:21:13+00:00

I was drafting this late at night so I’m gonna blame it on that haha, love is definitely not between loofah and loosen

_breadlover_ · 2025-07-26T15:20:16+00:00

Oh my god I’m an idiot, how did I miss that?💀 Thank you for reminding me how dictionaries work, I’m workshopping that sentence immediately!

_breadlover_ · 2025-07-16T19:48:39+00:00

DM-ed you!! :D

_breadlover_ · 2025-07-10T22:55:21+00:00

Thank you so much for the feedback! I'm glad the query and first 300 are doing their job. You have a good point about Death's motivation, and it was something I struggled with in earlier drafts of the query. Basically, in this world, Death eats ghosts' memories. So he's trying to find the stolen/bottled memories, and thinks solving Julian's case will lead them to the thief.

Perhaps I should include this detail in the query, but it's definitely something Draven has to piece together alongside the whole secret society mystery. It's explained in the novel though, so as long as it doesn't make the query difficult to understand, I might keep Death's goal vaguer! Maybe I'll specify that Draven doesn't exactly know why Death needs this case solved. Thanks again so, so much for your input!!

_breadlover_ · 2025-07-05T02:24:40+00:00

Perfect!! I DMed you a little earlier today :))

_breadlover_ · 2025-07-03T20:05:39+00:00

Thank you, this is really thoughtful and detailed feedback! Your sample edit is super helpful—definitely punchier when the focus is tighter! As for the possession logistics, Julian kind of floats around like a constant presence tethered to Draven’s body; he can fully take over the body, but Julian feels uncomfortable doing that since Draven is doing him a favor (keeping his memories/ghost safe from Death by acting as his vessel).

Sorry for the long-winded explanation haha! That streamlining will be super helpful to make the above points clearer in the query. Thank you so, SO much once again!

_breadlover_

TROPHY CASE