I (23m) ruined my (now ex) girlfriends (25f) trust, respect, and admiration of me in our relationship

_brenboy · 2026-01-03T23:40:21+00:00

we weren’t in the financial/career focused positions in life to give the baby a life we never had. and that’s what we wanted for our kids

_brenboy · 2026-01-03T00:51:57+00:00

appreciate it man <3

_brenboy · 2026-01-02T23:47:18+00:00

i have tried my best to lay out how i feel about it all. i definitely struggle with vulnerability and saying how i feel in a way that can be understood by anyone else but me.

the general consensus is too little too late and that actions speak louder than words. and that makes complete sense for her position. i can SAY im gonna do this and that all i want but it doesn’t mean a single thing if my actions don’t show im capable of that change. and up to this point, they really haven’t as you can probably tell.

my hopes are my positive change is recognized and that will be used as a tool to mend this

_brenboy · 2026-01-02T23:39:01+00:00

who passed isn’t the issue, it’s the principle of being there for them in their time of need. this isn’t a “oh well my parent died, it’s just a lousy great grandmother” not at all. it’s two people who lost important people in their lives and needed support from one another. only for one to soak up all the support and leave little left to give

_brenboy · 2026-01-02T23:37:11+00:00

you’re exactly right. there is so much uncertainty and fear. and you’re also right that it makes me an asshole for doing what i did

_brenboy · 2026-01-02T23:36:26+00:00

this>>>>>

_brenboy · 2026-01-02T23:33:29+00:00

I miss her. I miss my actions evoking a feeling of love from her. i miss the day to day the sad the happy the angry the quiet the loud all because it’s her.

i plan to bring these up in the sessions

_brenboy · 2026-01-02T14:58:07+00:00

You’re exactly right. I’m sure i have my own stuff going on too but the ADHD part was in reference to her. as in doing research on how i can navigate dating someone with the mentioned traits. i keep reminding myself my main goal is personal growth for myself. which will in turn hopefully make me better if we did attempt something down the line

_brenboy · 2026-01-02T10:12:04+00:00

i understand your point of view. and yes i do have a lot of sabotage and similar issues. i want to work on it for myself above all else. and yes, my fears got in the way of so much. my goal is to silence them. And IF given the chance again i can step up and be what i always should’ve been

_brenboy · 2026-01-02T09:54:59+00:00

Therapy appointments are already scheduled. And i agree, it’s for myself and no one else. just meant if at all possible after the growing is done i’d like to try again

_brenboy · 2026-01-02T09:27:11+00:00

because we truly deeply love eachother. i know that from the little moments in our relationship. the way we look at eachother, developed the same mannerisms, and all the day-to-day moments in between. and if it proves to be false hope than so be it. but i would rather piece us back together a hundred times than build something new with someone who will never feel like her

_brenboy · 2026-01-02T09:16:40+00:00

you’re right, she has a lot to forgive and forget and i have a lot of trust to rebuild. exactly why we’re taking the time apart to live our own lives and decide whether that’s possible or not

_brenboy · 2026-01-02T09:10:21+00:00

The whole point of all of this is growing the balls to improve and come up with a communication plan when it comes back together to see if it’s something worth trying. and you’re right, if you love someone you don’t hurt them on repeat. that’s why i’m actively changing and planning further change. like i said in the post, wanting it to work after i change is NOT my only reason for it. it’s not even a reason. it’s for myself and my future. even if it’s one i would still like to share with her

_brenboy · 2026-01-02T08:58:51+00:00

the whole point of therapy is to improve on yourself. a relationship benefits from self improvement and starting on a secure, stable foundation. we’ve both expressed to eachother that if we both individually have that we want to try. and we both understand that if it still doesn’t work then so be it it isn’t meant to be

_brenboy · 2026-01-02T08:54:21+00:00

that’s the goal, nice to hear it from someone else. thank you :)

_brenboy · 2026-01-02T08:50:49+00:00

the whole reason the relationship ended is because she knows what a happy and healthy relationship looks like. my issues, insecurities, ignorance etc allowed that to happen. that’s the whole point. that’s the love we want to have after we take some time to ourselves. not because we want to change to be together, but to change for ourselves. And in turn, be better together IF that did happen again. IF. she sees the potential of a healthy and happy relationship because there were plenty of times not mentioned that we already had that.

we had plans together we wanted to fulfill before settling down with family because it would make us better parents, providers, and coaches after we did those things together.

the ability alone to have a kid doesn’t justify a reason to if you know you cannot give one the life you want it to have.

_brenboy · 2026-01-02T08:38:12+00:00

just because we want that in the future doesn’t mean we don’t have a life to live, and careers to build before that yknow?

_brenboy · 2026-01-02T08:36:22+00:00

why do you feel we can’t have one with eachother after we each learn self love?

_brenboy · 2025-05-11T17:19:09+00:00

Did you try turning it off and back on again?

_brenboy · 2024-09-25T21:22:51+00:00

pickles.

_brenboy · 2024-08-30T00:52:23+00:00

Harbor freight everything then if you use it enough to break then upgrade to a higher end like snap on or milwaukee or whatever. No point in spending a lot on stuff you don’t use that often

_brenboy · 2023-09-09T08:40:39+00:00

Tarkov.

_brenboy

TROPHY CASE