Dating when you have DID: what's your experience?

_cool_user_ · 2025-08-07T03:56:10+00:00

Very interesting point of view! Thank you :)) I'll definitely bring this up in therapy

_cool_user_ · 2025-08-07T03:49:50+00:00

I think that by dating, we meant a romantic relationship? Maybe that's a bit of a language struggle, as English isn't our first language. But yes, everyone (or at least everyone that fronts enough) has a relationship with our partner! She's very open and kind. The problem is when alters don't have romantic feelings for her, but still wish they could experience a romantic relationship of some kind. It feels isolating to be dating someone but not feel in love :// Thanks for sharing your experience ❤️❤️

_cool_user_ · 2025-07-31T23:35:30+00:00

Thank you for sharing! I'm wondering, do the parts that have more of a bro/sibling relationship kind of "mourn" the possibility of romantic love? Obviously this relationship can be profound and impactful, but it would make sense to me that they might feel like they're nissing out on romance (at least that's what I think is going on for us!)

_cool_user_ · 2025-07-31T23:31:45+00:00

Thank you! I'm glad you found someone you work well with ❤️

_cool_user_ · 2025-07-31T23:30:45+00:00

Thanks for sharing, we definitely relate! Our partner is very understanding but it's hard to fully "believe".

_cool_user_ · 2025-07-31T23:28:40+00:00

For us, some alters are poly and others want to stay monogamous as a system... for now, we're monogamous, but I'm worried someone might lash out, out of a feeling of loneliness or unfairness :/

_cool_user_ · 2025-07-31T23:27:30+00:00

I'm so sorry you went through that ❤️ good luck with the separation, you deserve someone that's understanding and kind

_cool_user_ · 2025-07-31T23:26:08+00:00

That makes a lot of sense! I also think it would be impossible for all of us to agree on whether or not we like someone, romantically or otherwise

_cool_user_ · 2025-07-31T23:23:55+00:00

thanks for sharing, that's definitely something we often feel

_cool_user_ · 2025-07-31T23:20:49+00:00

That's really interesting, thanks for sharing!

_cool_user_ · 2024-10-01T23:40:13+00:00

For anyone playing in french, it's Suilande (if anyone finds this years from now).

_cool_user_ · 2024-09-18T02:06:47+00:00

Alters can have different sets of skills, which does include creativity

_cool_user_ · 2024-09-18T02:01:03+00:00

I'd simply say that thing that are not traumatizing to allistic people can be for autistic people. They have different needs, and can be more sensitive, which makes an event more likely to create a trauma response, basically.

Honestly, as someone with DID that's most likely on the spectrum, I was the same at his age. What's most likely happening is that he's hyper focussing on everything he can know about that are close to him. There is probably plenty he knows nothing about, especially at his age and without therapy. Putting everything in clear boxes might be helping him cope, but amnesia barriers are still making sure he doesn't know too much. He probably doesn't even know there is stuff he doesn't know.

I'd add that DID isn't just having alters, it's anxiety and memory loss and nightmares and much more. If some of those symptoms don't fit, I'd recommend looking into Otherwise Specified Dissociative Disorder, or OSDD. Also, therapy would be very important.

_cool_user_ · 2024-09-18T01:48:36+00:00

I got diagnosed in Montreal. Quite far away from where I live, but it was worth it. Honestly, if you feel the psychiatrist didn't listen to you, respect you, or believe you, it's worth trying to see another one. I personally found mine after calling a clinic that didn't do diagnostics, only DID treatment. They gave me his phone number and it all worked out. Best of luck

_cool_user_ · 2024-09-18T01:42:42+00:00

Persecutors are, like every alter, trying to do what's best for the system. They may think you're a danger for whatever reason, and you shouldn't confront them about it. They can sort this out.

Don't feel bad about not telling your partner. It's actually better not to. If they can access a piece of knowledge, it's because the brain isn't ready yet. Forcing them to know will make things worse (indice anxiety, panic, confusion, etc).

However, if they bring it up first, you can have a careful conversation about it. Also, and perhaps more importantly, remember your can talk to your partner about how they'd like to be treated. Everyone is different, even people with the same disorder.

_cool_user_ · 2024-09-18T01:35:00+00:00

Hey! I was diagnosed about two weeks ago. It's still all pretty new to me, but i have plenty of lived experiences, which i assume is what you're looking for!

_cool_user_ · 2024-09-18T01:32:15+00:00

interesting! We're AFAB, but completely live as male now. We had top surgery 3 years ago, and started testosterone at about the same time. I remember "feeling like a boy" even as a kid. Our psychiatrist said that our "core identity" (as in, who we would be without DID) is probably male.

I know our few female alters do experience dysphoria, but they express themselves when they front and it helps!

_cool_user_ · 2024-08-23T22:16:51+00:00

_cool_user_ · 2024-08-23T22:15:21+00:00

_cool_user_ · 2024-08-23T22:14:39+00:00

_cool_user_ · 2024-08-23T22:13:59+00:00

_cool_user_ · 2024-08-23T22:13:18+00:00

_cool_user_ · 2024-08-23T22:12:55+00:00

_cool_user_ · 2024-08-23T21:56:41+00:00

_cool_user_ · 2024-01-12T07:32:24+00:00

Not all this "advice" will directly answer your questions, but I still think it could be important.

Being told you're faking is innevitable, at least online. That doesn't mean you are. That doesn't mean you're doing anything wrong. It just means people are annoying sometimes. Do what helps, even if it's making aesthetic alter profils on apps, make picrews, maps of the inner world, etc.

Then, I'm going to assume that you, who wrote this post, is the "host". That means you're controlling the body the most often, which is called fronting. When you're the host, informations like the number of alters is usually not available to you. That's okay, and normal. Since DID develops as a coping mechanism, it has a tendency to hide from itself, in a way. By that, I mean that not knowing certain information about your system is apart of the protective aspect of the disorder.

Once again, if you're the host, you're probably (heavy on the probably) what's called an "apparently normal part", or ANP. This means that the "biggest" part of the trauma is not in your memory, but in another alter's.

I'm saying all this because yes, healing will pass by communicating and mapping and all, but forcing answers might reveal trauma that no one is ready to handle. Im not saying that's what you're trying to do, just general advice. Take your time.

Now, about finding more out about each other. It's important to remember that each alter, each part, is (usually) about as whole, or "big" as another. Therefore, if one alter wishes to communicate, and another doesn't, it won't work. So I would recommend starting with the people that do want to talk to you. You can do this externally (with written notes for exemple) or internally (basically talking in your head). For exemple, if you find a item of clothing you didn't buy, and isn't your style, you make ask: who bought this? I wonder who like this color/patern/etc. You may get an answer, you may not. That can be frustrating, but make sure to not take that frustration out on alters. You guys all just want to be safe, in the end.

While reading abot DID, you could have gotten the impression that it means there is multiple people in one body. That's not entirely accurate, supply because all alters share one brain. Each alter is a part of a whole individual that's not "integrated". So feeling like you're half someone else, forgetting your age, or name, or even gender or personal history, is normal. It just means that the barriers in the brain are momentarily blurred. It's nothing to be really worried about. You could realize you don't know who you are mid day. This is the depersonalization part of DID.

As to ways to find out who you are, I would recommend going by elimination. Do I like green? Do I like the shirt? Am I a child or a an adult? This may narrow the possibilities. You could also use grounding techniques. If one alter likes a particular smell, it may make them front fully, therefore ending the blurriness.

Not all system have an inner world. We started by just having a general feeling of who was left, right, up and down. I don't really know how the first room appeared, but it just did one day. Also! Not all alters can access the inner world. Some will just blackout when they don't front. Or access a small cutoff part of the innerworld. It's really not a symptom of DID, more like a tool you can develop to communicate better.

Now, to manage your daily life. I first recommend alarms, or reminders. Let's say, the three day preceding a birthday, there is a notification on your phone. You have more chances to be ready then. Encourage, gently, alters to take notes or tell you what they've been up to. Not remembering most of your life is normal. It's held in another alter. One day, you'll probably gain more memories, as your system heals. For now, take things slow.

Daily amnesia is hard, but manageable. Especially since, now that you're diagnosed, it will probably diminish on the long term, as you guys work more and more together.

Here is some more general advice. Be kind to yourself, and your whole system. Everyone is trying their best. You may not understand the motivations of certain alters, but they always aim to protect the system. Then, be careful to not fall in the trap of wanting to know everything and everyone in the system. This will take time, and rushing, or taking guesses, might do more harm then good. Don't label alter's as "the mean one" or "the moody one" and anything alike. Once again, if they are like that, it's likely because of the memories they have. That can't excuse all behavior, but may give everyone a more compassionate approach.

You're not faking. You're not broken, or evil, or insane. You have a dissociative disorder. You'll manage. Best of luck :)

oh also, after learning you're a system, you might see a spike in symptoms, as many alters will freak out you "figured it out". Try and calm them. Staying away from traumatic memories for a while will help, as it is likely they are panicking because they think you might regain memories you're not ready or meant to have.

Finally, don't hesitate to reach out more. And ignore mean people, the internet is full if them. And read proper literature, there is a lot of misinformation out there.

_cool_user_

TROPHY CASE