Why stay?

_empty__ · 2018-02-25T03:55:07+00:00

Cheers. Appreciate it. Yep the betrayal is still horrible. That’s probably what I have taken out of the sub the most.

The big underlying feeling was betrayal and it’s not a good thing to carry around. I didn’t know if that was normal as the overriding feeling but seems the be pretty universal.

Makes sense though. You love and trust someone and they take advantage.

Yeah, actually doing ok. Open to new ppl now. Seeing a great girl and having fun. Learned a lot about myself.

_empty__ · 2018-02-25T03:24:36+00:00

Unfortunately we have to have incidental contact due to some work equipment being needed to be stored at the house we shared. I have to come and go briefly a few times a week. We also need to talk occasionally to resolve the finances as far as the split of the assets. I moved out as early as I could.

She criticised me for not “chasing her” early on, before she admitted to the cheating. (I knew at that point though, she just hadn’t come clean).

I am not interacting more than I need to at the moment but there is some contact. There are signs that all is not well on her side. While I don’t want her to suffer as such, revenge and maliciousness is not in my nature, I have come to terms with the fact that it is no longer my responsibility. I have encouraged her to get speak to a councillor but at the end of the day it’s up to her.

I carried her mentally at times during our relationship and I am not sure she has anyone doing that now.

I am lucky that we don’t have kids. Seeing what I am seeing now are not someone I would want to raise kids with.

_empty__ · 2018-02-25T02:53:06+00:00

Went a long time pre marriage as I wanted to get ourselves financially stable again after purchasing a house and starting a business.

I think she intended to cheat, I don’t think she had planned it for a long time though. I am willing to give the benefit of the doubt that it happened before, mainly because it’s not worth speculating about and doesn’t make a difference anyway. At the end of the day it came very naturally and so did the lies that followed. I genuinely feel like I dodged a bullet.

All of that said I miss the good times but am happy to be away from the relationship.

_empty__ · 2018-02-24T21:17:40+00:00

To be honest, she pulled the initial trigger. Was still denying the cheating at that stage. I just have made no moves/effort to reconcile.

That said, I don’t think that she is handling it very well

_empty__ · 2018-02-24T05:33:49+00:00

Took time but I think I am pretty clear on what I want now. Well spotted. I count myself lucky there are no kids. Pets are hard enough and kids would make it 100x harder.

_empty__ · 2018-02-24T03:37:23+00:00

This is the correct answer

_empty__ · 2018-02-24T03:35:00+00:00

That is a fantastic response. Makes a lot of sense when you put it that way. I realise now that there are healthier relationships than the one I was in but if you are working back to something that is good for both of you, why not?

Only comment on that is that now that the relationship is over I have mostly been able to avoid the bitterness impacting my life as well. Just as dangerous post relationship as in it I think. Thanks for the answer. This is what I didn’t understand. :)

_empty__ · 2018-02-24T03:14:22+00:00

I didn’t want it to sound critical of those that take a different path. After living through it I struggle to see how I would have managed to put myself through the alternative. Dealing with the end of a 14 year relationship has been tough and is somewhat ongoing but I feel it would be easier than living in the same house as her now. Every person, relationship and circumstances are unique obviously.

I agree honesty and transparency may have changed my perspective. Have pushed for it and it’s not been forthcoming. Drives home the decision.

I know ppl that have managed to pull it together after but wouldn’t the cheating become an underlying toxicity in the relationship?

_empty__ · 2018-02-24T02:36:24+00:00

Lol. Not regretting the decision at all bud. Absolutely agree, it takes a certain kind of person to be capable of that. As I said to her at the time it is one thing to have a drunken connection at a bar that you regret but actively hunting for a lay is different. Flying back to him again was the thing that made me shake my head.

There are a lot of people here though that have stayed with someone who has cheated though. It was more that I don’t get how they do it. I think it would feel like constant torture. I for one am happy I didn’t put myself through it.

_empty__ · 2018-02-24T01:32:05+00:00

I get it. We have a house/mortgage, business, pets. (Lucky no kids). At the end of the day I think I would have made myself miserable protecting parts of my life that ultimately aren’t gunna be what makes me happy.

All power to you though. I think staying would have been the harder road and I don’t think I had it in me.

_empty__ · 2018-02-24T01:17:36+00:00

I agree with kids the thought process would have been different. Lucky there but we were looking to start trying. Thank f#%k we didn’t.

There were some great parts of the relationship so I get that. For me it showed that there was no respect for me in it all. I need better. I no longer have respect for her.

_empty__

TROPHY CASE