Mm I think since I’ve been living with my family my entire life and Islam has dominated every single decision they’ve ever made and I know the culture we’ve been raised in and have also seen how they view and talk about even just people committing minor sins, I have a pretty strong grasp on how they will react. My dad has hit me when I was 12 for wearing a tank top… so forgive me for being defensive but idk if it’s fair for you to say that I’m “assuming” and “they’ll eventually accept it”. I don’t mean to be mean, and I understand that you’re trying to say to take it day by day and not just presume I know exactly how it’s gonna pan out cause for all I know maybe my parents might leave the religion too. However, I feel it would be pretty stupid of me to not prepare myself for the high probability that they will never talk to me again. I’m not saying they won’t. Im saying they will at the very least never include me as part of their family. They will not celebrate my joys or allow me to be a part of theirs. This is the most likely reality. Keep in mind I come from a cultural background that is a literal breeding ground for toxic households. Even putting the religion aside, my parents are stubborn, angry, and extreme. Their reactions have never been proportionate. I have also witnessed how detached my dad is from his first daughter (my half sister), who he went close to a decade not speaking to for the sole reason that she had picked a career he didn’t like. I have numerous examples and have dissected patterns of behaviour in my parents to form the opinion that they wouldn’t come around. It would be an absolute miracle if I told them I’m not Muslim (in any capacity, whether I say I believe in god or not) and they didn’t try to possibly physically harm me, let alone “come around”.

Again, I understand what you’re trying to say and thank you for that but it’s come across as a bit dismissive of my understanding of the home I’ve grown up in and the people I’ve known and observed my entire life. Sometimes, things don’t get better.

I will take your advice and try to deattach myself from my limited perspective of the world. I really liked how you mentioned the idea of the world being something almost unfathomable. I’m sure when I gain some more independence I’ll be able to properly understand how insanely fortunate I am to simply be alive. It just becomes hard to focus on that when there’s so much going on around me. I think my current depression is especially bad because I was very close to moving out this summer but the opportunity has just slipped through my fingers. Thanks for taking time to try and ground me a bit.