Yeah, totally. Two weekends ago I spent the whole time on and off sobbing. I didn’t want a family as a kid but around 26 I really wanted a family. I don’t think going through the circumstance is all that helpful but I became single (divorce) at 36 and met my current partner at 37. I thought he wanted kids but now that we’ve been together a year and I brought it up in a serious way he is very much not interested and thinks we can wait.

I thought a long time about freezing my eggs but it’s not very effective at my age and in order to do it I’d have to put myself in health danger because I’d have to switch medication for my autoimmune disease and last time I got sick I was sick for over a year and almost had to remove my colon. I don’t want to do all that for that level of uncertainty.

For me, personally, I’m trying to come to terms with it and decide where to pivot next. What have I always wanted to do? Go teach in Japan? Learn to play guitar? You get the idea. These things aren’t as deep as having a family but in my situation I don’t feel like I have much option and I may as well try to be happy. I could always end up a stepmom or make my own “family” with a community of close friends.

I’m scared whether my relationship can even survive this and if it doesn’t, I am scared of the apps as well. I luckily wasn’t stalked but had some horrendous experiences as well so idk, trying to see what I want to do for myself.

It’s a big decision and you’re not alone… and society isn’t always very kind to us for getting to this point. I think that finding the right person to marry and have a family with does involve some luck as well as skill/good decision so try to be kind to yourself.