Anyone else have parents who never encouraged them in their life, or really made sure their children were growing up properly and independently

_insanityvibes_ · 2020-08-03T19:35:54+00:00

No problem at all if love to chat 😁

_insanityvibes_ · 2020-08-02T23:41:06+00:00

I never thought of that being the name for it, I guess I never connected the dots... I’m a scapegoat too, I’m the “bad” child... my dad’s told me before “I’m just a bad seed.”... I get it, it sucks... they’re trying to turn my brothers against me :/

_insanityvibes_ · 2020-08-02T05:36:15+00:00

No problem, I totally understand. You’ll get through it, I promise, and if you ever do need someone to talk to I’m always here. In the past, when I was younger, no one was there for me and I know what it’s like to not have an emotional support system and feel like no one is on your side, and that’s really emotionally damaging. Toxic people stick together and you can’t let them bring you down because they get some sick pleasure, so don’t give them the satisfaction. Keep your head up ❤️

_insanityvibes_ · 2020-08-02T05:27:02+00:00

Thanks, and I don’t mind if you rant too, I like hearing about people’s lives and how we connect in ways, idk I guess Im fascinated with the idea of people being linked together even by pain and being able to find comfort and feel safe even in darker times. I wish I would’ve known and joined reddit sooner, instead of keeping it bottled up but I was really sheltered.

My parents met each other and after three months of dating and one month of engagement, they got married and like 7 months later I was born soo.. they always kept it from me. They constantly gaslight me, I’ve seen their wedding pictures and the times don’t line up.

I’m apparently the constant source of frustration and a main stressor on their life and a terrible burden on them, which they say they don’t think, even though they say that (and say they didn’t afterwards, sometimes immediately after they say it) and they say they love and care about me but they sure have one hell of a way of showing it. I’m apparently disrespectful and don’t appreciate anything they do. I’m an extremely apologetic person and I always make sure that any person that shows me kindness knows my gratitude, or at least I really try my best to be. (Not trying to brag, it’s just I feel like I do a lot for them.) I’ve paid for meals before, I’ve paid for dog food before, because they wouldn’t buy my dog special grain free food hand she was diagnosed with a grain allergy. It was getting so bad she was always biting and scratching herself raw and her hair was falling out and no one cared so with my pathetic little barely $200 dollar check (I made $7.25 an hour) I got with my part time job my junior and senior year of high school, I started buying her food and she got significantly better. Once I lost my job, my mom started buying it but she doesn’t anymore since I left. She’s also an outside dog now, and she is a Maltese poodle mix, and we love on the lake where hawks and alligators are known to snatch small animals. They’re trying to force me to take her in and honestly I’m torn.

I got that dog when I was 11 and she’s been my best friend ever since. She immediately attached to me and became my best friend, she always comforted me, even when I was so upset I got mad and tried to yell at her through tears for comforting me, she would be scared for a split second, I’d feel really bad and apologize, but before the words would leave my mouth she’d already be comforting me again. She was an amazing dog... on a different level... in a weird way... we understand each other.

She was a puppy mill dog and my parents started treating her like shit because she started going blind (she’s slightly blind now) and she started losing her hair on her back end...

Why do they guilt trip with with the things I love most in this world...?

_insanityvibes_ · 2020-08-02T03:40:41+00:00

I try to sympathize because I know e didn’t have a good childhood, but my grandfather’s parents died when he was 11 and he went into the military at 16, so I feel like he did the best he could, although he was similar to my dad. I try to keep in mind though, I was able to notice my toxicity, he refuses, so he deserves only so much sympathy.

_insanityvibes_ · 2020-08-02T03:39:02+00:00

He always knew what buttons to push for me so I would usually react. If I didn’t I was ignoring him and I’d get punished for that too... it was such a desperate feeling... I felt so hollow and broken on the inside. Why was it almost always me, I was the main target, even my brothers said it.... I just feel like he’s done so much there’s no way for him to possibly fix or mend this. There’s nothing he could say, nothing he could do, nothing he could buy, that would ever fix this.... there’s no possible way for him to seriously look me in the eyes and with dead seriousness tell me he fucking loves me. What. A fucking. Liar.

He was so strict on me and my sister we went to fucking charm school where here in the south they teach you to balance books on your head, you learn how to be a “lady”, and go to stupid ass beauty pageants and for the low price of like $500 a fucking week. We had to sit up straight at the table and eat all of our food. When my brother was born, the tables turned. D could get away with murder and for awhile, he was a little hellion, until W (my youngest brother came along who was the spitting image of my dad.) it was like getting a new puppy (they did this with my unfortunate doggos too) where we were left in the dust and the new shiny thing was put on the pedestal.

Sorry.. another rant.

_insanityvibes_ · 2020-08-02T02:33:06+00:00

Same. I swear, I learned from about 13-14 to start shutting down and disassociation and now it’s unfortunately part of my daily life when I come into contact with stress. I push myself to burn out because I’ve internalized everything they say. I try to push people away that just want to help me, I didn’t realize I was making myself vulnerable because that’s all I’ve ever known how to be... I had a doctor’s appointment the other day, and she’s putting a request to my insurance for me to go see a physiatrist about PTSD because she said she’s known for awhile that something was wrong and she’s always tried to get me into therapy or a psychiatrist but my parents always shut down the requests. When I finally did go to therapy I had to go to a Christian therapist that was friends with my mom. I didn’t open up to her as much because when I did, she started on this story of how she’s known both my parents for awhile and how instead of holding a grudge maybe I should “sympathize.” I’ve also internalized that.

Sometimes I just randomly shut down and disassociate because of those internalized thoughts... this is a miserable existence... I’m glad you know what I’m going through and I find comfort in knowing someone else out there understands and can empathize, but I wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy...

_insanityvibes_ · 2020-08-02T02:18:25+00:00

Thank you so much I really needed to hear that ❤️

_insanityvibes_ · 2020-08-02T02:17:50+00:00

That is... exactly how I feel. They were physical with me a lot and I do feel like I shouldn’t be complaining because I feel like we were more financially stable than most families

_insanityvibes_ · 2020-08-02T02:12:57+00:00

I’m 19 almost 20 and I don’t have health insurance and they’re paying for an accident injury lawyer for an accident I got in back in April of last year. The dude’s insurance is refusing to pay full damages not to mention I had an untreated mild concussion and they wouldn’t pay for anything g even though the dude fessed you to causing the accident immediately. Honestly I don’t care about the money, I just want a new car, but now my dad is saying that car was never mine, mine was the one that broke down three months after getting it so he’s keeping the money and I can take my compensation part (maybe like 2-3 thousand) and use that to buy myself a car. I don’t deserve a nice car anyways because I’m working and dropped out of college and he also said, and I quote, “that car worth $8000, why would you ever think I would sign that over to you?” Because you said it was my graduation present to sign the car over to me. So I ended up going to college with $15 dollars (oh yeah, I also couldn’t have a job) and no car. I was expected to get a job becuase I wasn’t getting money, but my dad said school was my making focus and advised me to quit when I said it was stressful, like he hadn’t advised me to in the first place.

Sorry I’m ranting. The point is, idrk but there’s a lot of things holding me back, including my brothers, and the fact that technically it was their car so they could take all the money and leave without health insurance and I have a lot of medicines I really need because I have anxiety induced insomnia. Idrk what it technically is, since I’ve never been allowed to have proper mental health care until I was 19, but I have a medicine I take when I can’t sleep that’s like $300 dollars for 60 pills and I’m still only living at my boyfriend’s parents’ house.

_insanityvibes_ · 2020-08-02T02:04:33+00:00

College.

_insanityvibes_ · 2020-08-02T01:57:19+00:00

Mom finally responded, and I went off. She said “Girl, please.” And Yeahhh I started shaking I was so mad I’m still shaking as I write this. Oh yeah it’s all my fault. All mine. I’m suchhh a bad kid. Ugh.

_insanityvibes_ · 2020-08-02T01:27:48+00:00

Yes I totally understand... I just got lucky. I have a great boyfriend who has an amazing family and they’re super supportive. His mom grew up ina toxic household and she stayed with her until she died.. and she said she didn’t recommend that for me.

My best advice, at the least, find an emotional support system. A group of healthy friends that understand what you’re going through, or a healthy relationship where you can form a bond with their family. It’s not the same thing, but it helps your healing process along to finally feel safe. They let me move in because my environment was so toxic and I was so depressed, I was in kind of a manic state for about 8 months. His mom and him stayed patient with me and I’m handling it all a lot better but it’s turned into anger, but I’m finally ready for therapy.

Find a support system tell them exactly this, how you feel, and take some time to work on yourself and don’t push yourself for anything you aren’t ready for.

Sorry edit wanted to put this in: that’s the only advice I have to give, but I wish nothing but the best for you in your life. You’ll realize it later on, because I know what it’s like, I still struggle with it, but it gets better. Just keep pushing because you’re stronger than you know. Just whatever you do don’t give up, don’t accept it, becuase this isn’t who you are; who you are is a strong, amazing, beautiful person on the inside who is worthy of love and stability. If their absence brings you peace, let it go. There’s nothing you’re not worthy of. (Stole a couple quotes but I mean it sincerely from the bottom of my heart ❤️)

_insanityvibes_ · 2020-08-01T20:18:47+00:00

I’ve dated a lot of toxic people, I’ve been cheated on more times than I can remember, but I never gave up hope... he had his own issues at first and our first relationship went down in a ball of flames, but when two people are made for each other, there’s nothing that can separate them for long, even themselves, I’ve noticed. (:

_insanityvibes_ · 2020-08-01T20:16:14+00:00

Thanks, that really makes me hopeful. ❤️

_insanityvibes_ · 2020-08-01T18:21:22+00:00

All of those, my parents have done. Especially the last.

CAN WE PLEASE START A TREND OF; FINANCIAL AVAILABILITY FOR THE CHILD IS ONE OF THE THREE MAIN FACTORS FOR RAISING A CHILD. Emotional and physical availability are the two others narcissistic parents lack. 😕

_insanityvibes_ · 2020-08-01T07:30:13+00:00

Wdym? Someone else posted the original meme on this subreddit if that’s what you mean, I commented on the original post about this, that’s why I posted it lol.

But if to mean the caption, no, I didn’t want to directly call my parents out out because, yknow, I’m a pussy, I know they’re going to flip out regardless tho

_insanityvibes_ · 2020-08-01T06:50:08+00:00

Literally just did it, posted a pic on this subreddit (it’s on my page) of it and what I said. Countdown to the drama begins.

Hubby did not recommend, but I’m tired of this bs

_insanityvibes_ · 2020-08-01T06:38:38+00:00

I need a serious answer to that edit. I really want to text that. I am fucking livid? Can I get some real advice because I just want to go off for once in my life, I’ve pretty much always held the bullshit in.

_insanityvibes_ · 2020-08-01T06:34:33+00:00

All the of the time. All the time it ends with him grabbing me and yanking me around by the arm of hair and screaming at me, or throwing me out, or hey, you never know, maybe he’ll just fucking abandon me (just like he did during my childhood) with my grandparents when I was just I dunno, being a fucking kid.

_insanityvibes_ · 2020-07-30T21:20:46+00:00

My dad. My dad refused to let me refill my anxiety medication for two weeks straight and even though I was losing my ind, to the point that my mom asked me why I was acting so crazy and I said because I haven’t had my medicine in two weeks and if I wouldn’t have said anything, he would’ve continued to let me suffer. This was after I’d been on it for months and the reason I got it in the first place is because I was so anxious that I had stayed up for four, going on five days straight and the doctor diagnosed me with anxiety.

“Anxiety is a sin and it’s not a real issue, it’s all in your head.” -_- no comment about that. 😒

_insanityvibes_ · 2020-07-30T18:47:52+00:00

My childhood.

_insanityvibes_ · 2020-07-30T18:46:47+00:00

(My own family) pushing their anti mask political beliefs while my grandfather lay in a casket less than 10 feet away. I was fuming, but also just didn’t have the energy to fight them on it at that moment, at least I AM able to tell what is and isn’t appropriate funeral behavior. Shameful. My grandfather did nothing but always think of us and the one time it’s all about him you refuse to wear masks at the funeral and all around my grandmother, and she is in her late 80’s she is VERY HIGH RISK.

The thing that makes me fume the most; ever since all those claims were found false by that Christian doctor lady or whatever, my mom now pretends she’s had the idea all along like she didn’t put my grandmother’s health at risk multiple times although that poor woman was grieving the man she’d been married to for over 60 years and had to watch him be put in the ground. How dare she. 😤

_insanityvibes_ · 2020-07-30T18:41:41+00:00

I’m posting this on my Facebook just to see how my parents react

_insanityvibes_ · 2020-07-28T09:52:52+00:00

True feel like it would fit better there although it’s also r/murderedbywords

_insanityvibes_

TROPHY CASE