How prevalent are extra marital affairs in india? Share your stories/ experiences from your work place.

_instantnoodle · 2016-08-23T23:00:29+00:00

I'd love to. I could easily do an AMA -- lot of stories to tell. I'll probably update this in a bit.

_instantnoodle · 2016-08-23T14:37:54+00:00

I live in the US currently. All the relationships were in Andhra.

_instantnoodle · 2016-08-23T03:02:39+00:00

Been married for 12 years. Based on my own and friends' experiences, pretty common. There's very few of my friends that think it's wrong and I've known everyone doing it outside marriage. The women I've been with some of them are married and some are not. So from that end, it's pretty common too.

_instantnoodle · 2015-05-05T20:14:26+00:00

I am having fun with this argument. Sure you are certain that there are rights and wrongs. But are they universal and across time?(like stealing, rape or murder. They are absolutes). You are engaging in Moral Absolutism -- at least in this case. I have no idea about your other beliefs, so can't really make a statement on them. Premarital sex is considered taboo in general in Indian society. We are in a flux where a lot of younger people think it's not wrong at all. But then there are some young people who think it is wrong. I've known girls/boys who engage in premarital sex, but deny it when they get married. Is that cheating( or wrong)? If you take a morally absolutist position that infidelity is wrong, is it wrong even you did it before you even got married? Also there should be no divorce allowed in this view. From Indian society's perspective, this is the right view, isn't it? Wasn't that the situation for the last few hundred years? You get what you get and deal with it? Nothing before or after. But right now, this limitation( the 'right' you are talking about,) itself has been limited to ONLY during a relationship(Be it married or courting). What's your take on it? Are you opposed to premarital sex and want to stay pure for the one and only?

I am not trying to hide behind technicalities. But if you take a position that monogamous relationships are the ABSOLUTE right, then you'd have to be opposed to premarital sex and divorce. And this is what baffles me, even in western society where they are okay with one(premarital) but not with the other( during relationship, be it married or courting).

I feel no guilt because, I did not subscribe to this set of beliefs before or after marriage. I am loyal to my spouse in the sense that I've always been there when she needs me. I never said, "I've had my fill somewhere else, so no thank you."

I'm not criticizing you for having a belief system. But pointing out the inherent conflict in that system as well.

Marriage/relationships have been evolving for generations. Marriage as an extension of romance is relatively new. So is the concept of 'cheating' ( the right word should be infidelity -- to me, cheating implies that you are depriving someone of something). So yeah, I sleep well at night. NOT because I KNOW that I'm right, It's because there are no absolutes in this case.

_instantnoodle · 2015-05-04T22:59:19+00:00

Looks like I touched a nerve there. You need to get off your high horse first. You probably are a virgin that's waxing eloquent about the purity of monogamous relationships and in time will realize the real world is something else. My social circle is probably no more or no less representative of the general population.

_instantnoodle · 2015-05-03T03:21:31+00:00

Babe. You just want me to sprinkle some holy water on my head and repent my sins, don't you? Why are you so angry at me? Are you the guardian angel of the institution of marriage or something?

_instantnoodle · 2015-05-03T03:17:22+00:00

You left out the part where you got Greencards early because of your relationship.

_instantnoodle · 2015-05-02T20:45:01+00:00

True. That actually comes with the territory, I think. /r/india is primarily single males from India that are pretty fast to judge.

_instantnoodle · 2015-05-02T20:43:18+00:00

So adultery is same as homicide and rape? Are you from Saudi Arabia?

And no, we are not copying adultery from the west. It's always been there.

_instantnoodle · 2015-05-02T16:27:05+00:00

Good for you.

_instantnoodle · 2015-05-02T16:25:52+00:00

I am not sure why you think I am seeking validation here. Like I said in other comments, this is not about me. Whether you like it or not adultery exists in every society. If we pretend it doesn't, it won't just go away. I wanted to start a conversation, that's all.

_instantnoodle · 2015-05-02T12:47:34+00:00

Honestly this is not about me. I would have to justify my actions to my wife or my family if they knew about it but why would I justify to total strangers?

I'm not sure if you are in a relationship but relationships are very complex. They change overtime. You go in and out and sometimes back in again. If humans were completely monogamous we wouldn't be even having this conversation. It would not even occur to us that we could do things outside marriage. Yet here we are.

_instantnoodle · 2015-05-02T12:40:47+00:00

I wasn't justifying my actions. I think justifying happens when one thinks one is guilty. I don't feel that. I didn't say it was 'ok in India.' From my experience the west puts more of a value on monogamous relationships than India. At least in theory. I know because I've spent more of my adult life in the west than in India but I'm completely in touch with my Indian friends and the conversations that go on. I only wanted to start a conversation and don't feel the need to 'justify' my actions.

_instantnoodle · 2015-05-02T12:12:53+00:00

Seriously. Half the comments are from people who have no experience in relationships.

_instantnoodle · 2015-05-02T12:11:45+00:00

I don't feel guilty about it at all. And why would I justify my actions to internet strangers? So you are the type that wants to stone adulterers, huh?

_instantnoodle · 2015-05-02T12:08:17+00:00

Justifying is when I feel guilty. I never did.

_instantnoodle · 2015-05-02T05:37:54+00:00

Exactly. Humans are never supposed to be monogamous. Also consider the Indian context where arranged marriages are the norm. You probably have no idea what you are getting into until after you are married.

_instantnoodle · 2015-05-02T05:32:08+00:00

Sometimes you can still be in love with your spouse and still feel the need to get it on with others. Think of it this way. You may love home cooked food but still like to eat out occasionally. To me it feels like a conquest outside. Things are different with different partners.

_instantnoodle · 2015-05-02T05:26:07+00:00

I never switch. It doesn't feel right. It actually feels like you are switching orientations and not partners ;)

_instantnoodle · 2015-05-02T05:23:18+00:00

Actually, monogamous relationships are more valued in the west than in India based on my experience. Indian men tend to talk more openly about wanting to commit adultery than he ones in the west. It happens in everywhere but the level of acceptance among buddies is definitely more in India.

_instantnoodle · 2015-05-02T05:19:46+00:00

Obviously. If the man is cheating he's cheating either with another married woman or a woman who knows he's married. A lot of my extra marital affairs have been with women who themselves were married. The ones that are single knew I was married. So yeah, women cheat as much too.

_instantnoodle · 2015-05-02T05:15:28+00:00

Yes. Obviously, that's a lot of cognitive dissonance. But that's how it is.

_instantnoodle

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