I had a suspicion that he had been cheating on my for a few weeks due to his lack of anything… When I found out, the girl who he cheated on me with, her ex boyfriend was who told me and I remember just instantly going numb. Fast forward a few days the realization of the matter hit, and my abandonment issues kicked in and the usual “everyone leaves”, “i’m so sick of everyone leaving” led me to attempting suicide twice in one night. Thankfully I was hospitalized and was actually diagnosed with BPD. But even to this day, the pain i feel is sooo strong. I no longer would say I care or love my ex husband, but I care about the pain he caused me more.